Prop. 8 and our schools -- time to tell it like it is.

One of the most cynical - and successful - claims made during the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign was that unless the proposition passed, our schoolchildren would be subjected to teachings about homosexuality. The No on 8 campaign's response? In essence: as my 4 year old daughter says, "nuh-unh!"

Don't get me wrong. I know full well that the proposition has no legal impact on what we teach in the schools. And I also understand that in the heat of the campaign, engaging in a protracted argument over what our schools teach would not have been a smart move. Campaigns are all about sound bites, and "yes it's a good idea to affirm in an age-appropriate way the diversity of family structure and sexual orientation in our community" doesn't exactly fit on a bumper sticker.

So the No on 8 campaign ceded ground, allowing the opposition to frame themselves as defenders of our state's innocent schoolchildren and proponents of same-sex marriage -- including implicitly LGBT parents and teachers -- as a threat to that innocence. The Yes on 8 folks went so far as to frame King and King, a sweet fairy tale about two princes who get married, as a textbook on homosexuality. And in what had to be the most painful media moment of the campaign, they twisted a lovely gesture by a group of San Francisco parents to celebrate their kids'1st grade teacher's wedding into an object lesson on The Gay Agenda for Our Schoolchildren. All the No on 8 campaign could say, in increasingly shrill tones, was "but that's not what we're talking about!!!!"

I understand the strategy. But here's the thing: we lost. And lest we cede any more ground, I think it's time we tell it like it is. Respectful classrooms that teach children to value each individual and every family? A goodness.

Full disclosure here. My daughter is part of a two-mom family (and yes, we like the book King and King. We even named our cats after two of the characters.) My daughter is in preschool now, on the cusp of becoming a schoolchild next year. As I look towards her entry into kindergarten, I want to make sure she attends a school where she feels comfortable talking about her family. Where diversity of all types is celebrated, and where prejudice is addressed before it leads to bullying, exclusion, and worse.

But creating a climate of acceptance doesn't just benefit the kids of same-sex couples. It benefits all of us. We live in a diverse society surrounded by people different from us based on race, gender, nationality, ability, and sexual orientation. Schoolchildren live in families with single parents, grandparents, foster parents, same-sex parents. An acceptance and affirmation of this diversity should be integrated into every child's education.

To be sure, some would argue that such teachings should be left to the home. Certainly parents are free to raise their children with whatever belief system they choose. But when it comes to the institutions of public life, we need to ensure a basic level of respect and safety.

This doesn't necessarily mean reading King and King in the classroom (though if you ask me, we can't go wrong with a fantasy tale that we can all find the person of our dreams). It doesn't mean sitting kids down with a curriculum on marriage (I can just see it now: "Episcopalians define marriage as....For Muslims, marriage means....Mormons used to practice polygamy...."). But what it does mean is acknowledging that diverse families exist and that some schoolchildren will, in fact, grow up to fall in love with someone of the same sex.

A new national report shows just how important this acknowledgement is, and just how much work we still have ahead of us. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) recently released a study showing that nearly nine out of ten LGBT middle and high school students experienced harassment at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation. But there's some good news, because this same study found that students in schools with protections based on sexual orientation and with supportive staff were significantly less likely to experience harassment.

Thankfully there are some great organizations out there to help schools create a safer, more inclusive environment. GLSEN works with school communities to create safe learning environments through policy advocacy and trainings for school administrators, teachers and students. Groundspark, creator of a number of educational films on preventing school bias and celebrating family diversity, will soon premier "Straightlaced," a new film encouraging teens to question their assumptions about gender roles and homophobia. Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere and (in the Bay Area) Our Family Coalition help families and youth navigate the school system and advocate for all families.

So there's one thing both the proponents and opponents of Prop. 8 were right about -- Prop. 8 had nothing to do with the schools. And it had everything to do with the schools.

Comments

[jasyn]

I posted and it did not appear.

Perhaps it was a glitch. But allow me to repost. There is an agenda and the GSA network does show the impact of recognized gay marriage as having an impact on education. I am surprised that Ms. White in her editorial research did not find the information which is publically available.

Using SB71 coupled with the recognition of gay marraige, the group stated that gay marriage could indeed be taught in schools as mandatory curriculum, and parents need not be informed and may not pull their child out of the class. The website in references is here:

http://www.gsanetwork.org/resources/pdf/SB71FactSheet2.pdf

Perhaps I am wrong in that interpretation, but I do not believe so.

[Isobel White - Huffpost Blogger]

Just wanted to say that the holidays have slowed me down in replying to this, but I'm not ignoring the question -- more in the new year!

[Glenn1441]

Isabel...

Copied from your excellent post:

'But there's some good news, because this same study found that students in schools with protections based on sexual orientation and with supportive staff were significantly likely to experience harassment.'

Should it not be '... significantly LESS likely to experience harassment.'?

:>)

Best regards,
Glenn

[Isobel White - Huffpost Blogger]

YES! Thank you for pointing that out. I'll change it right now. The point is -- supportive staff, protections based on sexual orientation = good for kids.

[drudolph]

Thanks for this post, Isobel. As a lesbian mom myself, I agree wholeheartedly.

I would also add that one point most people have overlooked in this debate is that regardless of the curriculum, students will learn about same-sex couples because children of same-sex parents are in the classrooms. They will bring in family photos for show and tell and discuss their family vacations on the playground. Unless school boards ban our children from talking about their families, then banning this subject from the curriculum is a temporary measure at best. I've elaborated in my own article on the subject: http://www.mombian.com/2008/11/14/lgbt-parents-the-forgotten-voices-of-prop-8/

[JohnBisceglia]

Children deserve better. The variety of ways children are HARMED by things like PROP 8 are too many, from the kids of Q-led families to all children who are MIS-taught concepts about human love and sexuality. Can we find a better word for HOMOSEXUAL? Why not homo-loving?

As a child I knew I was having love-crushes on other boys WAY BEFORE my sense of "sexuality" developed; I think most develop this way. Do we teach young girls they are hetero-SEXUAL when they have their crushes on teen idols?

Until the entire Q-community is seen as more than just a bunch of horny-hump-anything-males, we will NEVER be able to educate our young.

[bb78]

xxnounxx, Ridiculously, as per the usual for the bigoted, you are picking and choosing what is acceptable and what is not, based upon a fear of that which you do not comprehend. Children have always been instructed in a broad spectrum of facts and even opinions in our schools. What you don't seem to understand is that children are taught that Buddhists exist and Muslims exist and they are taught that while these people may be different (or may not) from you and your family, they have a place in the world like everyone else. It may not be normal for you and your family, but it is normal for theirs.

Ask yourself, if you allow your child to be taught these things that are "against the teachings of your religion" and you do not withdraw your child to be homeschooled, then why is this issue different? It is and always has been up to parents to temper the knowledge imparted to their children in public schools with their own code of ethics, moral compass and conventional family wisdom and belief structure. The rest is up to a child as they mature and develop identity of self. I'd posit that to withdraw a child from public school because of something so singular is to create more harm than good, and to deny your child something far more important.

[MsCherie]

Isobel,
Your article speaks to me. This is where the lies got out of hand and I came out of the closet and hit the streets with my picket signs. When Yes on 8 grossly misled the public about school children.
I have raised my partners two children like my own since they were in diapers. When my 12 year old son brought his friend home from school to play I asked him who he told his friend I was to him. He replied, "I told him you were the baby sitter mom." He explained; "most kids (parents) at my school are Yes on 8 and I am popular now, I don't want to lose my popularity. Please don't take it personally."
I was not angry at my son. He is a wonderful boy and I understand why he said this. I am angry at society for creating such hate around being gay that my son has to lie about who I am to him in order to fit in at school. This breaks my heart.

[Isobel White - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. My daughter is young enough that she hasn't experienced anything like this...I dread the day when she may.

[DavidOnTheMedia]

Please change "your" to Though in my post, thx. DavidOnTheMedia

[DavidOnTheMedia]

Isobel,

I liked your post and support it wholeheartedly. Not because I am a gay male, but because I truly see the benefit of letting kids know at an early age, ALL the facts of life, so as to prevent separatist thinking and more bloodshed at later ages. Very very good article.

I think this following sentence you posted as part of your article may be inaccurate . . .
"But there's some good news, because this same study found that students in schools with protections based on sexual orientation and with supportive staff were significantly likely to experience harassment."

XXNounXX ---- I think what you consider real, your religious beliefs about sexuality, and what is truly real in our world, is what is at question here. Your some children were home schooled, your attitude would have blacks still segregated to different schools.

I would urge you to ask yourself, 'is it realistic to segregate myself and children from the human sexual template due to potentially erroneous religious beliefs'? Remember, religion is belief, not knowledge, meaning it can all be turned over on a dime, like it was with interracial issues.

So think ahead when you deem integration of a part of society that has been around since the dawn of time, unacceptable, in or out of schools. You may be placing your bets on inaccurate data. And that inaccurate data could be the reason one of your potentially gay children, or gay child of a friend, ends up dead

[Isobel White - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, thank you -- I had left out a key word and meant to say that students with supportive staff and protections were significantly LESS likely to experience harassment!

[racheltlm]

I have to say, I agree with this editorial. What's the harm in teaching children that it's okay to be homosexual? Prop 8 proponents act like children will be taught about homosexual SEX in the classroom--like they'll be forced to watch gay pornos as part of the new curriculum. Seriously, folks!

The problem is that we can't really convince Prop 8 people to come over to our side without understanding that their support for Prop 8 is largely due to religion. We can argue about how homosexuality is natural and normal for a decent sized portion of the population for as long as we want, but we'll never convince them.

What we need to start questioning people about are the fundamentals of their religious beliefs.

[BobbyJoe]

Unfortunately, many of us have to send our children to schools where some of their schoolmate's parents are teaching their kids to be bigots and homophobes, or belong to religions that are entrenched in bigotry and homophobia. But the teachers (as they should) still foster an atmosphere of respect for those kids and insist on a respect for their beliefs, even though we, as parents, may find those views abhorrent.

However, because we're adults and not children ourselves, we don't whine and run away to school our kids at home (we simply teach our children that we can respect-- but not agree-- with everyone, thus leading them to eventually be stronger and more responsible adults), and we don't spend millions of dollars wasting everyone's time trying to ban those kid's bigoted parents from getting married (and thus adding more hateful offspring to the human race and making it a much worse place) or insist that even mention of the existence of those kid's families be shunned or cut out of school. Should those parents beliefs be discussed at length in the classroom of very young kids? Of course not, just as nobody (other than rightwing strawman arguments) is suggesting that classrooms delve deeply into the practices or philosophies of the GLBT community other than being able to acknowledge that gays and lesbians-- just like religions that happen to promote bigotry-- exist, and are part of the world in which we live, some of us more cooperatively and compassionately than others.

[Romulus]

So the Yes on Prop 8 folks weren't lying or crying "wolf"? It IS part of the LGBT agenda to teach in the schools that same-sex marriage is normal?

[Isobel White - Huffpost Blogger]

There isn't one single "LGBT agenda," just like any other big group of people don't have one agenda, but yes, respectful classrooms that affirm each family's value are crucial. The Yes on Prop. 8 folks were lying when they used the example of the first grade teacher's wedding without pointing out that all but 2 of the families wanted their kids to go on the field trip. And they were lying when they said nothing about parents' ability to opt out of controversial teachings. What I would argue is that parents take a close look at what they're opting out of. Affirming that families of all sorts exist and have value, *and* affirming that some kids will end up falling in love with someone of the same sex, to me is a good thing.

[Mac15]

What do you think we would "teach" ? Do we "teach" about interracial marriage? I am sure there are still many people who would not want their white daughter to marry a black man, (this is still not the norm) or their sweet Jewish son to marry a Christian but we don't make that illegal. We respect that two consenting adults should be able to love and marry the person they choose. You can teach whatever you like in your home. I find it more than strange that murderers on death row can marry, but a law abiding gay person cannot.

[xxnounxx]

isobel white,the way you want the gay community to gain a level of respect..

I ASWELL SHOULD HAVE MY RELIGIOUS BELEIFS RESPECTED,AND THE DAY I FIND OUT MY CHILD IS BEING TOUGHT ,THAT IT NORMAL TO MARRY SAME SEX..IS THE DAY I WILL HOME SCHOOL MY CHILD.
WITH ALL DUE RESEPCT TO THE GAY COMMUNITY,ITS THIER LIFE AND THEY ARE FREE TO LIVE IT THE WAY THEY SHOULD,BUT ITS NOT THEIR RIGHT TO FORCE ME TO GO AGAINST THE TEACHINGS OF MY RELIGION..I WOULD RATHER UPSET DISPLEASE HUMANS,THAN DIPLEASE MY GOD.

I want my child to learn..MAN + WOMAN = BABY
I WANT MY CHILD TO BE ABLE TO CALL MUM AND DAD,NOT MUM AND MUM.

[caphillprof]

I wonder what your child wants?

[Dan4Equality]

Uh - then I suggest that you do not marry someone of the same sex.