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Welcome to Indiana! Except YOU!

02/27/2015 03:06 pm ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

Welcome to Indiana--The Crossroads of America! We reserve the right to refuse service to:

Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, African-Americans, Asians, Mexicans, Cubans, Sarah Palin and any Alaskan, queers (especially Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen!), anyone living on or near Highway 41--don't get us started on those neanderthals living in southern Indiana! That cheerleader in high school who slept with the basketball team, the divorced man who greets us at Walmart, Billy Graham, Franklin Graham, Joel Osteen, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell (yeah, we know he's dead, we still don't want him), and Oprah. Especially Oprah!

All of 'em, the whole lot, go against our Hoosier state's religious beliefs. And now that our Indiana Senate passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which clearly states:

Sec. 3. (a) As used in this chapter, "exercise of religion" means the practice or observance of religion.

(b) The term includes a person's ability to:

(1) act; or
(2) refuse to act;

in a manner that is substantially motivated by the person's sincerely held religious belief, regardless of whether the religious belief is compulsory or central to a larger system of religious belief.

Sec. 4. As used in this chapter, "person" means an individual, an association, a partnership, a limited liability company, a corporation, a church, a religious institution, an estate, a trust, a foundation, or any other legal entity.

We don't have to serve any of 'em. And you neither! Well, as soon as the House passes the RFRA too. In the meantime, go somewhere else! We don't want your kind.

Of course some might say there's that little federal law, that Title II of The Civil Rights Act regarding public accommodation that states:

All persons shall be entitled to the full and equal enjoyment of the goods, services, facilities, privileges, advantages, and accommodations of any place of public accommodation, as defined in this section, without discrimination on the ground of race, color, religion, or national origin.

And then that First Amendment thing:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

But everybody around these parts knows that their left-wing liberal constitutional stuff is all a bunch of hogwash. The Bible clearly states so.

Somewhere.

Jesus said it. We're sure of it.

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