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Jackie K. Cooper

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Ted: Count Me Among the Haters

Posted: 07/03/2012 1:41 pm

Mark Wahlberg is one of my favorite actors. He has grown so much over the years as he has increased both his comedic and dramatic range. Recently he produced and starred in the amazing film The Fighter and this year he has already shown his box office power with Contraband. So why did he want to waste his talents on a crude, dumb movie like Ted?

Ted tells the story of a young boy named John who was so desperate for friends that he wished his teddy bear to life. The two have remained best friends to the present time when John (Wahlberg) is in his thirties and his teddy bear, named Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane), is too -- if teddy bears age.

Ted is a bong puffing, sex addicted, profanity spouting teddy bear that John loves. He can not give him up, even when his long suffering girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) tells him it's the bear or her. It's not that he doesn't want to; it is just that they have been best friends for so long.

This is the basic premise of the film, a guy and his teddy bear as best friends. To some it may be a cute idea but for others it is insane. Plus, John comes across as the most immature of guys which begs the question of why Lori is attracted to him and why she would stick around for four years. Even in a fantasy film their relationship is difficult to swallow.

Another fatal flaw of the film is the use of Flash Gordon as a key element of the plot. Both John and Ted love this old movie and Sam J. Jones, the actor who played Flash. Sure enough, Jones pops up in the movie. His presence is an embarrassment.

Then there is the profanity and all the crude humor. You are overwhelmed by it. It is as if every joke is aimed at the high school level. There is no intelligence in the humor, just crudeness of the most base kind. Plus, it just isn't that funny.

You have to give credit to Wahlberg; he plays the part of John with enthusiasm and spirit. He makes him as immature as possible while still giving glimpses of his heart. Opposite him Kunis brings nothing special to her role.

The special effects in the movie are amazing. You actually accept Ted as a living, breathing creature. There is also that perfect match between the visual Ted and his voice: MacFarlane gives him the raucous wit the bear must have.

The movie is rated R for profanity, crude humor and sexual situations.

Ted is a movie you will either love or hate. Mark me down as one of the haters. I didn't laugh; I wasn't charmed.

I scored Ted an un-bear-able 3 out of 10.

Jackie K Cooper
www.jackiekcooper.com

 
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