When a newly divorced reader emailed me, asking "How do I talk to a woman?" I felt like as a divorced woman, I might be able to help.
Recently single and trying to date after divorce is a tough place to be. It's scary, self-esteem probably isn't the best right now, and you're probably a lot older than you were the last time you were dating. Most likely, there's a little bit of insecurity going on.
Yet, there is a positive element to being newly divorced and dating again. You are starting a fresh, new chapter of your life, and despite feeling uncertain, there is an element of excitement to it, call it hope, perhaps. It's a chance to start over--this time with someone who is more right for you.
So, here are my 12 tips for "How to Talk to a woman":
1. Be yourself. That's all you can be. If a woman doesn't like that, it isn't a match and you aren't interested in her either.
2. Be honest. You might as well be upfront about almost everything, because as the relationship progresses, we're going to find out later, anyhow.
3. Being funny is great, but we also don't want to feel like we're in a room with Eddie Murphy. That said, women love funny guys who make us laugh.
4. Ask her about HER. All people (not just women) like to talk about themselves. So, if you can't think of what to say, just ask her something about herself. Chances are, she'll go on and on!
5. Be kind. Just be the nice person that you are. Whatever woman says that women don't like nice guys is an idiot.
6. Compliment her, but don't overdo it and act like you're sucking up. That is a turnoff.
7. Don't act shocked when she tells you her age. Over 45, we don't buy that act.
8. Don't go on and on about your ex and badmouth her. She will never go out with you if you do that. And, if you call your ex the b word, or heaven forbid the c word, forget it. You're done.
9. When talking about your kids, it's cute to be into them, but don't go on and on for a really long time.
10. When talking about your job, if you hate it, I wouldn't share that. Try to talk about the positives of it. There is nothing worse to a woman than a man who hates what he does and does nothing to change his situation.
11. If you really like her, ask her out during the conversation, not just before you're ready to walk away. Asking during the conversation makes a woman feel secure and happy, and then the conversation just gets better and better.
12. My favorite: after you get her number and leave, text her a couple minutes later and say something really cute and witty. We LOVE that!
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially" for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she's divorced.
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