05/29/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A Suggestion for Obama: RE: Jets Flying Past NYC Buildings

Okay, Barack. So that whole jet rattling office buildings as it flew right by the site of the World Trade Center thing, that wasn't you. Okay. I'll accept that, because I like you. I'll go along with this not being on your head thing. But here's a little thought you might want to pass along to your staff.

If you guys get around to actually fixing the economy? And you're sort of saying to each other, "You know who's really going to be happy about this? The kids that aren't going to be in debt forever because we fixed the economy." Then you're going to realize, "Oh shit! Kids don't read the paper! We gotta celebrate this, and we gotta bring the celebration to them!" And you'll get your party planning people together and they'll be all, "You know what kids really love? T-shirt canons. They go CRAZY over T-shirt canons." And someone else will say "And those flag guns!" Someone will ask "Flag guns?" "Yeah! Flag guns! You know, those things that look like guns, but when you pull the trigger, a flag pops out and unfurls!"

So when they're done planning and they've figured out that the best way to brings high school and college aged kids onto the "hurray, the economy is fixed!" party boat is to burst into their schools with t-shirt canons and flag guns? Remind your staff to skip Virginia Tech and Columbine.

Because obviously, someone on your planning team is a retarded chimp.