While on the treadmill the other day, my eyes were drawn to the television. What can I say? I think running on a treadmill is boring, but I also don't like weather and it's my goal to be outstandingly attractive. So there I am, my iPod in my ears and my eyes on the news. I'm stuck on a phrase: "Spitzer involved in Prostitution Ring." "What oh what can that mean?" my fevered mind asks.
The possibilities start popping up. Maybe he's their lawyer. Maybe he used Albany to help them launder their money? Maybe he was a pimp! What if he was a gigolo? Oh wow, Governor Gigolo! How awesome would that be? These potentials keep bouncing in my head until I get home and turn on NPR.
"Governor Spitzer was caught on a federal wiretap speaking to prostitutes."
What?
I'm sorry, I thought he was involved. That's what the news networks said. CNN distinctly wrote down, "Spitzer involved in Prostitution Ring." It did not say "Spitzer caught with Prostitutes." Getting fellated by prostitutes is not being "involved in Prostitution Ring." When I want a shitty burrito for a low price, I'm not "involved" with Taco Bell, I'm just eating there.
Some people may say this is just a worthless argument about semantics, but fuck that and fuck them. Involved means something. CNN and MSNBC titillated me. They promised me a story that was far more interesting than what they were reporting, and that's damn bullshit.
You're supposed to be a news organization. When I want cute, disingenuous drivel, I'll turn on reruns of Hope & Faith.
