The Truth About Preschool Admissions

Two months ago, my husband and I were faced with the Big Decision. You know, the one that can have even the most diehard of urban parents running for kinder, greener pastures: should we subject ourselves to the infamous preschool process? Of course, any one can tell you that two months in the life of a new parent is like two years in real time. If I'd known then, what I know now, I'd have had a much firmer grasp on the realities of private school admissions.

First of all, the cost of applying adds up pretty quickly. Applications are 50 dollars a pop. School tours generally run close to two hours. And there are interviews and playgroups -- all of which means lots of childcare or lost office time (vacation days you'd much rather have spent at home or on the beach with your kid or babysitting hours you could've enjoyed at a restaurant or movie).

So what's the best way to get yourself and your family through the next few months with your sanity and your self-esteem still intact? Here are the three central lessons I learned from our experience and from the mothers and teachers I've interviewed.

It really isn't you... or your kid
For as long as I can remember, I've heard about the horror that is supposedly the New York preschool scene. They'll be evaluating you, people warned. They'll be looking at where you went to college; what you do for a living; what kind of shoes you wear. Thankfully, all of that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Guess what? People who work at preschools truly love what they do. Hard as it may be for us jaded New Yorkers to believe, their goal is to provide the best experience for every child they accept. To that end, they're looking for a well-rounded class -- in terms of male/female ratio and temperament -- but even more, a range of ages (by month) within your kid's cohort.

And no matter how big a deal you are at your office, these factors are out of your control. So don't worry about your degrees or the designer of your shoes. Just make sure you apply to enough schools to spread the chances of your child's sex and birthday matching up at one or two places when the admissions staff sits down to "build" their class for next year. And don't take it personally when you get rejected. It's usually just the luck of the draw.

The places actually are different
I admit, when this whole thing started back in September, I didn't know my Montessori from my Reggio Emilia. And honestly, I didn't think it mattered that much. I was determined to listen to one of my best friends (and mother of two little New Yorkers) and steer clear of the Kool Aid. Or as my mom puts it: isn't preschool really just about finger painting anyway?

Well, yes and no. Many of the schools certainly look similar (and good, old-fashioned playing does play a big part), but they've adopted different teaching philosophies for a reason. And while I don't believe it would ever be a grave mistake to send your kid to a Progressive preschool over a Primary Years Program, there are some not-so-subtle differences that might synch up better with your particular parenting and educational style.

My advice: read the websites, do some online research, and listen carefully on your school tours. So many mothers told me they were surprised how strongly they felt about certain preschool pedagogies, and teachers say parents are often confused about what the different methodologies mean on a day-to-day basis.

The squeaky (but not too squeaky) wheel gets the grease
While the staff really isn't checking the label on your jacket, they do take note of those high maintenance, know-it-all New Yorkers. The guy who arrives late and constantly checks his Blackberry during the info session isn't going to be anybody's first choice. Remember: schools are trying to build a community of engaged and relatively easy-going parents. Not the easiest task in a city of uber-achievers. Want to give yourself an edge? Be nice.

That said, there is one major time it pays to be hyper vocal. Admissions reps say they want to hear from you, every day, if your child is waitlisted, and their school is the place you'd like to attend. So if that happens, don't be shy. Pick up the phone and call the preschool every morning. Send emails. Remind them that you want to be the first person they think of when a spot becomes available.

 

Follow Jacoba Urist on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TheHappiestPare

Comments

[shhurtjr]

08:48 AM on 11/08/2011

I was in day-care at age five in 1950. Looking back, I know that I was in a good school. The kindergarten was in a private home, the teacher was a hired professional, and the general atmosphere was happy. Discipline was strict, but fair. Yes, I CAN remember that far back.

[MosaicTutoring]

07:58 AM on 11/08/2011

Very good advice Jacoba that will be reassuring to a lot of parents. As someone who has been there done that, may I also add the following: try not to buy into the "top tier" hype that pervades our crazy city. Thinking that one particular preschool will feed into a top tier private school that will then open the doors to Harvard, Princeton and Yale is just adding undo stress to anyone's life. Find a place where you think your child will be comfortable and confident and try to tune out the message board and playground buzz. If you feel a place will be right for your child, no matter what its pedigree, then that's the one to choose.