Today isn't just the official start to all that good cheer -- it's also the kick off to peak engagement season in this country. According to wedding industry statistics, the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's is the most popular time for couples to buy a ring and get one big step closer to formally sealing the deal.
But before you jump up and scream YES -- and certainly before you say "I do" -- every modern woman should think long and hard about writing a prenup to protect herself in the event that the marriage doesn't last forever.
That's right; I said every woman. No exceptions.
First of all, women are staying single longer and getting married later. According to the cover of this month's Atlantic, the median age for marriage is even higher for affluent and educated women. And last year, nearly twice as many single women bought homes as did single men.
Hear any alarm bells yet? Because I do.
Today's wives-to-be are more sophisticated about personal finance than any other group of brides in the history of marriage. They're saving in 401(k) accounts, putting themselves through school, buying condos, and launching careers (sometimes, multiple times over) -- all before choosing a mate. But that means women are entering their married lives in a very different position than even those 15 years before them --and they've got much more to lose from a money standpoint if the marriage fails.
And let's be honest, ladies: if you can't talk to your fiancé about writing a prenup now, you're in for a pretty rocky ride ahead. Almost ten years after my own wedding, I can safely say, money plays a major role in our daily life together. There are household budgets, mortgages, monthly bills, babysitters and tax returns to contend with. So my advice is to get real comfortable talking finances with your fiancé -- way before you walk down that aisle.
Whatever you do: don't let all those tiny lights and tinsel cloud your vision this holiday season. Think sensibly about what a financial union means today, and how your marriage could impact your earnings and your nest egg. Here's what I tell clients:
Protect your property
Don't overlook the ten or fifteen thousand dollars you may have in your retirement account or that down payment you scraped together for your first apartment. Both are assets you've worked hard to accumulate. In today's rough markets, you never know how long it could take to earn that kind of cash again.
Think of a prenup as an insurance policy, so that if things do go south, you aren't in a worse financial position than you would have been if you hadn't gotten married in the first place.
Protect your human capital
Women often discount the value of their college or graduate school degrees and their time in the work force. For better or worse, it's the female half that usually ends up raising children, downshifting into "mommy track" positions, having those infamous gaps on their resumes, or just struggling for that elusive work-life balance.
So even if you don't have any hard assets in your name, I advise all women to write a prenup that includes some kind of pay out provision to compensate them for any interruption in their career if the marriage doesn't pan out.
I went to law school with plenty of women who are now full time caregivers. And many mothers with MD's and MBA's have told me that they never would've guessed that they'd be the ones staying at home, or that they'd be forced to let their jobs take a backseat to family demands (one of them never planned on having kids to begin with). In these cases, prenups can empower women by placing a price tag on work for which there is normally no paycheck and no seniority in the "real world."
Protect yourself
Prenups can also help insulate you from major consumption disparities between you and your spouse. Many of the parents I've worked with are often surprised by or disagree with their partner's spending habits. Better safe than sorry. For example, if your husband files for bankruptcy (or racks up serious credit card debt), and you haven't signed a valid prenup, creditors can come after either one of you to collect payment. So be practical and proactive, or that diamond he's holding out could end up costing you a bundle a decade from now.
Trust me. It's good for your marriage.
Follow Jacoba Urist on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TheHappiestPare
Cover the following among others.
1. Protect inherited property to the extent desired and Family assets.
2. Protect accumulated wealth and assets acquired before marriage.
3. Protect wealth and assets you aquire after marriage.
4. Simplfy the divorce in the event there is one.
5. Specify what each receives from the other in the event of a divorce.
6. Avoiding Litigation Costs
7. Protecting against Fears of Family Members
8. Protecting Business Assets
9. Protection Against Creditors
There are many other reasons but one of the most important things to remember in order to increase the likelihood of enforcement is that "independent advice" be provided to both parties. Read the statutes for your state.
I have been an attorney since 1984 and founded US Legal Forms, a Company which has sold thousands of penup agreements. I hope this comment is helpful to your readers.
Together forever ;)
Dr. Sims
The Minister of Motivation
www.ministerofmotivation.com
Thank you for writing and following. I've been married ten years and intend to be married many more. BUT that said, I'm also a practical woman who knows that unfortunately, not every marriage lasts forever (for many different reasons).
I don't think protecting each other in the event that something does go wrong is unromantic or shows that one person doesn't love the other. On the contrary, I think it shows that both individuals have enormous respect for the other and want only the best for their wife/husband if something doesn't work out long term. It certainly is a touchy subject for many couples, but I hope my article removes some of the stigma.
see you on twitter!
Jacoba Urist
Jacoba Urist
Jacoba Urist
Maybe women should get married because they truly love and trust the person, not just to be married and you discuss with him while you're engaged what you won't give up. Pre-nups I believe are for sissies who don't know the meaning of trust. If you two can't agree on things when engaged or going out with each other, you're not going to get along married. Men are always sniveling about their exes trying to take things or try to take things from her thinking you own them.
To make things easier make a joint account. BUT have your own separate accounts that neither can touch. That way he can whine because he thinks she's a gold digger, she can't whine because you want to get back at her financially. Women especially should be entitled to have their own stash of money instead of thinking as soon as they marry they have to let him get into it.
Marriage should be for love. Love isn't treating each other like assets on paper.
Jacoba Urist
Let's stop getting married folks so you can try to screw each other by not keeping what you had before you got married separate. She shouldn't have to share what's hers before you met.
It seems few marry for love anyway. It's too much like business and who profits more in the end? The lawyers who only care about their bottom lines.
It should not be difficult to get your finace to agree to anything you insist upon. Just "hold-out" in the traditional sense. If need be cry.
All gifts made to you during the marriage, are yours alone and not marital property. Have him title the property he owns now to you alone, or jointly.
Slip in that in the event of an award of alimony, he pays all taxes that you may incur on that income to you.
Make sure that you put in some ambiguous phrase, like "unforseen circumstances" or "improper behavior" so you can give the Judge the ability to award you more than you agreed to in the prenup.
But most of all, rest assured that the prenup is may actually not enforceable if you want more than it provides. If you discover, years down the road, that your lawyer was "inadequte" you, or worse yet your finace "coerced you", or inflicted "mental anguish" on you, it can be set aside.
Any Judge knows he is judicially and politically "dead" if he earns the label, "sexist.
Finally, make sure your lawyer is an elderly male. At the time of the divorce, when you accuse him of improper behavior toward you, or just simple incomepetence.