Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 2, Episode 19 of "Pretty Little Liars," entitled, "The Naked Truth."
Pursed lips abound when Kate, Hanna and their moms sit, waiting to speak to the vice principal about the photo debacle that closed out last week's episode.
Meanwhile, Spencer, Emily and Aria are standing around a red trenchoat, which is what Ali's claim ticket was for. It's not something Ali would wear (because she is not Carmen San Diego), but maybe Vivian Blackwood would, they surmise.
"Can I touch it?" Aria asks. To which, Spencer replies: "Yeah. It's a raincoat, Aria. Not a mummy."
The girls talk about how Kate's mom is threatening to sue Hanna for the step-sister sexting situation and then Aria checks the coat pockets and what do you know -- there's a phone number written on a crumpled up piece of paper with no name and no other info.
Though obviously Spencer and Aria are ready to give the number a ring, Emily doesn't want to. They say they could find out why Ali was pretending to be Vivian if they do.
"You think we're gonna find that out from a number in a pocket?" Emily asks. "Well, it's probably easier than hiring the fat lady with the tube top at the farmer's market who's gonna tell you your fortune," a particularly snarky Spencer retorts.
Spencer then accuses Emily of being scared and Emily gets indignant: "I'M. NOT. SCARED" she replies and this is probably the angriest we've ever heard the mild-mannered Ms. Fields.
Back in the vice principal's office, it's clear that Hanna's and Kate's moms don't just have the same taste in men, but in hairstyles too. Though Vice Principal Tamborelli (who sadly probably has no relation to Danny of "Pete & Pete" and "Figure It Out" on Nickelodeon) says there's usually a no tolerance policy for bullying, the girls are going to work through it at "Truth Up" day, an overnight workshop where students own up to bad behavior and teachers and parents supervise.
Hanna's mom agrees to participate and Mr. Tamborelli says everyone will need a "sleeping bag, tooth brush and change in attitude."
Though the other liars tell Hanna she's lucky it's not worse, she knows there's more to come. After all, it's only a matter of time "until A gets hungry again and takes another bite out of [her] ass." That took a weird turn.
Hanna says they thought they had the power when they found A's phone, but A is using their phones against them. As Hanna walks away in a Huff, Aria, Spencer and Emily talk about how Mr. Tamborelli is preventing Em from rejoining the swim team. "How much longer are we gonna have to pay for picking up that stupid shovel?" she asks. I'd venture to say until ABC Family cancels this show, but only time will tell.
After their bitchfest, Aria confronts Holden in the music room about his bruise. She says it's not fair she doesn't get to know who he's meeting, but, he says, "that's [their] arrangement." Then, someone knocks over Holden's bag and Aria sees a baggie with pills. We're talking Dr. Mario-looking pills. He quickly shoves them in his bag and says he'll be right back. Way to play it cool, bro.
While going rogue with her lunch tray, Spencer stumbles upon a cuddly Jenna and Noel and follow that up with a serious eye roll. Then of course, formerly M.I.A. Jason arrives at school, despite not being a student, parent of a student, teacher, or the like. My mom is not so much a fan of his new look: "Ok what is up with Jason's hair?? He looks like he went to Elvis's hairdresser!!!! hahah"
He tells Spencer that he was in Georgia fixing up his grandma's house and asks her to give her father a message for him and tell him he owes him a call: He's back and he can't keep dodging him. My mom is still hung up on Jason's obviously bizarre presence: "why does he just appear at a high school in the middle of the day?? that's what Spencer's Gma did too. what is up with that?"
Ella asks Jason for help at "Truth Up" day and he says "no" until he finds out Spencer's parents will be there. Suddenly, it's game on.
Hanna's in her bedroom holding her phone very strategically while looking at the topless photo of Kate when her mom comes in. "I don't care what it says on your driver's license -- to me, you are still my baby girl and I will crush anyone that tries to hurt you." She says it's not the first time Hanna's told her she was being framed and asks for a name.
But obviously, all Hanna's got is an initial and a whole lot of suspicion. She tells her mom there's no name and we know she not lying. Then, her mom asks if she did it. After skillfully shedding a couple single tears, Hanna says she didn't and her mom leaves the room without another word.
Everybody now: Poor Hanna!
It's "Truth Up" day, which should really be called "Truth Up" night. The girls gather at Rosewood where they have to turn off their phones and prepare to find out their smaller group assignments. Holden confronts Aria about the pills and she makes sure he knows that she knows what's up: "That bag wasn't filled with Flintstone's vitamins. I'm not stupid."
He also says it must suck to always be around her mom, who is currently shouting at the students to get in line. "oh man.....Ella I could tell her where to go," my mom says of her on-screen enemy.
Aria and Caleb are in a group with Jenna, who's playing the piano. (We get it, Jenna.) Outside the class room, Jason and Spencer's mom run into each other and she tells him her husband won't be joining them because he's out of town. They walk into Aria/Caleb/Jenna's group and my mom has two thoughts: "why Jason is there for this truth thing??" and "Jenna can see." But back to Caleb, who clearly means business: "If everyone's spilling their guts today, some of us might have a lot to say. I know I do," he said, looking at Jenna.
Over in the cafeteria, Hanna's mom is running a session in which you take a step forward if you agree with the statement she's reading. (Note: If you've had any sort of orientation, you've probably played this game. If not, sorry you're disorientated.) Emily and Mona are both in Hanna's mom group. When she reads a statement about the lack of a positive environment at her school, Emily -- who would suck at Mother, May I -- takes two giant leaps forward. When Hanna's mom corrects her, she goes into this diatribe about how Tamborelli is being unfair, without any specifics.
The vice principal observes her monologue and calls her over. Essentially, he tells her to watch herself and says, "You're no saint, Emily." (Mind you, while this is happening, everyone is taking a huge gallop forward when Hanna's mom says: "Ever lied to your parents about drinking alcohol.")
Back in Mama Hastings and Jason's classroom, Aria's phone goes off. It's a text that reads: "Truth hurts, sweetie. May hurt your new pal more than you. -A"
Aria looks around and sees Jason with his back to her, while "creepster Jenna" (as my mom calls her) is reaching into her bag. But worry not, she's getting some Eclipse gum.
Over in Cinderella Sexting Scandal Central, Hanna and Kate are in a group with Noel, run by Aria's mom, Ella. They're doing an exercise where only the person holding a big red bouncy ball can speak. Ball in hand, Kate wants to go back to her old school and she wants to decide Hanna's punishment. Then Noel asks for the ball and says he'd go "postal" if someone did that to him. But if he were Kate, he'd "rent a billboard."
When Ella calls him a bad guy, he says it's really the girls who don't fight fair. Hanna grabs the ball and asks Ella if she's a bully, begging her to believe her. Ella says nothing and Hanna drops the ball and storms out. Courtesy of my mom: "If I really couldn't stand Ella before I have a whole level of loathing for her!!!!!! She soooooo should have been there for the Hanna-she's wretched!!!!!!! Oh and did I mention??? She still looks pregnant too!!!!! hate her."
Back in Mrs. Marin's session, Mona and Emily have a moment. Emily confesses she let Ali treat her badly and apologizes for not stopping her. Though we can see on Mona's face it means a lot, to Emily, she says: "Oh, honey, that was like two personalities ago." They talk about the conversation with Tamborelli -- or, as Mona calls him, Toad of Toad Hall" -- and Mona's suggests he's sexist and they should call him out.
Back in Jason and Spencer's mom room, she gives them paper and asks if Jenna needs help. "I don't trust anyone around here," Jenna says. "This school's filled with phonies and liars ... they're everywhere."
Caleb agrees and calls Jenna out: "Just to clarify, we are telling the whole truth today, right? Not just the part you want to remember? By the way, this is Caleb speaking, in case you were confused."
Honestly, that was hilarious, as noted by the "hahahahahahahahhaah this is Caleb speaking" from my mom.
Spencer approaches Jason in the hall and says she knows about the will and adds that her dad risked a lot to protect him. But he won't give her any more info and instead says, talk to your dad when he gets back in town. But he's not out of town, Spencer replies. Yep, her mom lied. Clearly, it's genetic.
Emily and Aria call the raincoat number again from the bathroom. A girl answers and says no one knows a Vivian and says they should not ever call again. Soon, Emily gets called to the office and they head out.
Holden sees Aria and asks if she wants to eat together, but she says she can't. He asks if they're still on for Saturday and she says she's starting to feel weird about covering for whatever it is he's doing. "I don't know if I can handle it if I know you're hurting yourself," she says. But onto more serious matters: "Aria is in a tank and Holden is in a down vest?" my mom wonders. Really, Rosewood weather is just the most confusing.
Meanwhile, Caleb and Hanna, who "are so adorbs," according to my mom, talk on the roof. While saying she wishes they could just go to California, she hears something. Is someone up there? "Let me help you," Caleb says, asking for her phone. "Just hold me," she replies. "That will help me." Too. Cute.
When Emily gets to Tamborelli's office she sees Mona and realizes it was her who called her down there. "I didn't even recognize your voice," Emily explains. "Yes, I know; it's a gift," Mona replies. (I'm putting this in my back pocket.) Soon enough, Mona hacks into the computer and they're in. She's also started calling Emily, "hon," which my mom would like to interpret as a shout out to Paige on "Degrassi: The Next Generation."
In a rare instance on "Pretty Little Liars," Aria, Spencer and Hanna's moms bond over coffee. "there are actually 3 moms in this episode--shocking," my own mom says. Spencer's mom, a.k.a. Olivia Benson (no seriously, it's uncanny) says, "I think the truth is overrated;" Aria's mom doesn't think Hanna did it; and Hanna's mom is convinced something happened to them. Maybe after Ali died? No, no, Spencer's mom explains: "I think it was when they met Allison."
Mona and Emily are looking up expenses and it soon becomes clear their vice principal has been taking bribes from wealthy football parents. "Well, base me in bilng and call me Bulgari," a giddy and superficial Mona says. Emily's not sure this is right thing to do, but Mona knows what they have to do to get her back on the swim team. "Honey, you can't be a shark if you're toothless," she explains.
Jason is alone in a classroom leaving a message: "Same number, same house, you know where to find me." Spencer mom walks in and he says he was leaving her husband a message. They talk about coming clean and Spencer overhears them from outside and, of course, decides to listen in.
But then, she's flashing back to her and Ali, hanging out in her bedroom while her parents fought downstairs. "We've been neighbors for 15 years?" her mom says, prompting Spencer to tell Ali that the argument is due to the fact that Melissa was caught making out with Jason. Ali now understands their anger seemingly: "Let's just say, it'd be a match frowned upon by the gods." Really? Toby and Jenna and now this?
Back in the present/dinner time, Kate takes off her sweater, causing her shirt to life up. Eagle eye Hanna sees a birthmark and suddenly realizes, the image of Kate had been photoshopped. What if it wasn't A who sent the photo? Clearly, all fingers are pointing to Kate. She follows her new evil step-sister to the bathroom and tells her she knows what's up.
Finally, Kate fesses up and Aria and Emily -- complete with recording devices -- emerge from the stalls. Gotcha!
And my mom brings up a good point, "dont you think Hanna's dad would have something to say to Hanna about that picture when it came out???" I mean, he is the reason these people are all even interconnected.
Hanna tells Aria to find Caleb and put the damn computer down and so she walks into their group room, which now only consists of Jenna, Noel and magic black flashlight. They're examining the questions everyone presumably wrote and though they range from being afraid of a parent to hating one's body, one clearly stands out: "I know who killed Allison DeLaurentis."
Aria asks them if they've seen Caleb and Noel replies, "Maybe somebody threw him out with the rest of the garbage." So she heads to the roof to look for him and puts a brick out to hold open the door.
Spencer sees Jason, lying back and listening to music like he's on the beach with a Corona. As she walks past one classroom, we see Caleb still plugging away and soon she gets a text, "Don't be scared, Spence. We are all family here. Some more than others. -A."
Spencer tells Jason she has to ask him something: "My dad is your father, too?"
"Who told you?" Jason asks. Spencer says Ali told her a long time ago ... only thing is: "I didn't hear it until tonight." Deep, Hastings.
Back on the roof, the door shut behind on Aria. Of course. And we see a hooded figure walk behind her. She hears a thud and runs to climbs up a ladder when Noel grabs her leg, which is barely covered in some slit-filled pants. "btw--her pants or leggings are soooo jersey shore," my mom says. "and she's in PA." Holden comes to her rescue and roundhouse kicks him to the ground. He says he wasn't attacking her. Seriously, you guys. He was just playing. LOL. JK. NBD. Holden and Aria head back downstairs and suddenly, the door opens quite easily.
Next, we see Mona talking to Mr. Tamborelli who emerges to tell Emily the good news. Mona then asks the all-important question about fan attire for swim meets. "If I show up in my wedges, are they gonna get mushy?" Ew.
Hanna's mom is waiting outside the vice principal's office when Isabel shows up, chastising Hanna yet again. "in the future, Isabel, before you point fingers, you may want to take a whiff of the rotten fruit under your family tree," Hanna's mom says. Seriously, Hanna is surrounded by some impressive zingerers. Soon enough, the girls walk out of his office and Hanna goes over to her mom to give her a hug and hide her smirk.
Spencer confronts her mom about Jason being her half-brother. Her mom says she didn't even know until Jason was an adult and adds that Melissa still doesn't know. "Spencer, every family has secrets," her mom explains. But Spencer doesn't want to go home to look at her dad or talk to him. She doesn't want to go home because "where's home? ... That's a joke."
A hurt Spencer is owling in the sleeping quarters while everyone else is tangled up in their sleeping bags. Seriously, that can't be comfortable. My mom, meanwhile, is concerned about the realism of this at-school sleepover: "like all those high school kids would just lay down and go to sleep ???"
Emily wakes up, notices Spence is not in her sleeping bag and sees she has six missed calls from the number in Vivian's pocket. Of course, Aria and Hanna wake up and the number calls back. It's a guy on the line now, who says he can't say anything about Vivian over the phone. It's gotta be in person. Can they meet? Emily says yes. It's on, baby!
And in closing, some final thoughts from my mom:
"i thought that the guy's voice who called Emily sounded like Garrett and then he was in the previews with Caleb...so I kind of think he took his computer but that seems so obvious. And there was a big Noel presence in this episode--Im also wondering if he and Jenna are just a front so it seems like she's not with Garrett because then it would seem like Jenna and Garrett arent working as a team and they really would be. Also, I so dont get why Spencer's mom was ok with the handling of the Jason thing with Spencer and Melissa--and why would she stay with the dad--but really they could be separated and we would never know it because they are both never on at the same time. So Ali's mom and Spencer's mom were probably pregnant at the same time with Melissa and Jason--this is such an Arnold storyline."
In the spirit of the former governator: "We'll be back."
Worst look of the week
Aria's yellow shoes. No contest. OK. Maybe those pants. But there is nothing more to say about the shoes than to wonder which Wisconsin fan she stole them from. Or was it Minnie Mouse? Either way, there's a cheese connection.
Best quotes of the week
"Yeah, I don't know about her fortunes... But that lady with the tube top makes really good apple butter." -Aria on how to crack the Vivian code
"If I had a pom-pom, I'd shake it," Mona says after Emily gets back on the team.
"Just hold me ... that will help me." -Hanna to Caleb on the roof.
"I spent all of ninth grade trimming my thighs." -Hanna
"Pretty Little Liars" airs at 8 p.m. EST on Mondays on ABC Family.