Another week of battle rounds begins, and the big question of the night is: When do the Adam, Cee Lo, Blake and Christina shower? Seriously, though. This is the longest day ever.
Chelsey notes that unlike some of Season 1's standouts, we've yet to see a battle become more like a complimentary duet. That is, until tonight.
Who finally brought "The Voice" Season 2 to new performance levels in the battle rounds, Part 3? Read on ...
BATTLE: Pip vs. Nathan Parrett
Song: "You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse
Nathan, who immediately assumes the underdog role, is worried about being up against Pip, who turned around all four chairs during the blind auditions. Pip, on the other hand, seems more concerned that he set the bar too high for himself with his powerful first performance. Pip is incredibly humble.
Jaimie: "Nathan looks like Cojo."
Chelsey: "They are going to make out at the end of their performance. Calling it."
Jaimie: "Nathan will pull him in by the suspenders."
The boys meet with their respective celebrity mentors: Alanis Morissette tells Pip that he shouldn't try so hard because "restraint is exciting," while Robin Thicke tries to get Nathan to be more confident. Then, they meet with Adam one more time and Pip begins to feel like an unwanted stepchild as their coadge continues to compliment Nathan on his abilities.
It's time for the battle, and both contestants sound good. Pip seems to sound a bit smoother and is more consistent than Nathan. More importantly, perhaps in an attempt to garner his coadge's attention, Pip is sporting some fantastic plaid skinny jeans.
Jaimie: "The mutha pippin' pants."
Chelsey: "Blake likes the pants too."
Jaimie: "Christina made a pun. She asked Blake why he's CHECKIN' out his pants."
Ultimately, whether it is because of his voice or his fashion choices, most the coadges seem to lean towards young Pip, as does Coadge Adam. Pip Pip Hooray!
Chelsey: "PIPPY WILL SEE ANOTHER DAY! And I mean that literally, because obviously each audition round only lasts one day, based on the apparel."
BATTLE: Erin Martin vs. The Shields Brothers
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "What's Love Got To Do With It?" by Tina Turner
Proving once again that he is supremely "unique" and "bizarre" (his words, not ours), Cee Lo pits Ms. "Don't Call Me Pretty" Bjork Wannabe Erin Martin against country-boys-come-rockers the Shields Brothers. She wants to "slay in the battles" and they want to "punch American in the face with rock 'n' roll." This is getting violent.
Chelsey: "When Cee Lo announces his battles, it feels like he's actually sending them to battle ... like in 'Street Fighter' or something."
Jaimie: "HUNGER GAMES"
Chelsey: "I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE ... jay kay, I don't want anything to do with this battle."
When it comes time for the first practice, things get a bit awkward when Erin dismisses Cee Lo's suggestion and then he tells the "princess" (again, his word, not ours) that he likes Blonde Shields' "Oh" better. Ouch.
Jaimie: "Who does Erin remind me of?"
Chelsey : "The worst person you know."
Jaimie: "Oh right"
Babyface is not impressed when he first meets the Shields Brothers, thinking "Wayne's World." But they show some "vulnerability" and then, he suddenly he "started forgetting about 'Wayne's World.'" Ouch, Garth and Wayne. As for Erin's mentor session, she's hurt when Ne-Yo tells her she needs to show emotion because he doesn't believe her and Cee Lo says she needs to be sexy. Like Tyra Banks says, she's "resting on pretty" and he's not buying it. "I see you. Okay, you're cute. What else you got?" Ne-Yo adds.
Chelsey: "Ne-Yo is SO SICK of erin. GET IT!?!??!"
While we let her have her moment, they take the stage and Erin intends to prove she's more than a looker in a lingerie and massive shoulder pads ... like, literally pads.
Chelsey: "She is everything I hate"
Jaimie: "Shoulders. You HATE shoulders"
The two artists sound completely different and Adam sums it up best with "That was so weird," which he then repeats thrice. Of course, Christina says she "f-----' loved it." Cee Lo did too (as well as "brilliant") and apparently, he also still loves Erin. He fears the Shields Brothers are too much of a "schtick." Props for Yiddish. Erin wins and he warns, "Don't make a fool of me, woman."
BATTLE: Ashley De La Rosa vs. Jonathas
Song: "No Air" by Jordin Sparks
Immediately after Coadge X-Tina announces the battle, 17-year-old Ashley looks like she is ready to have a panic attack. Jonathas (and his dancing) did well with the coadges and the crowd during the blind auditions, and Ashley seems unsure that she can hold her own against him. Jonathas doesn't seem to worried.
Jaimie: "Chubby Rob Kardashian is cocky."
Chelsey: "Great call. Also, he grew up on Usher and Chris Brown?"
Jaimie: "Are you 14? Who has come up on Chris Brown? And who wants to own up to that?"
Chelsey: "Yeah. I don't think anyone should be admitting to learning everything they know from Chris Brown."
As the two hit the stage for their battle, Jonathas has decided to go full-on boy band status with this apparel, sleeveless hoodie included.
Jaimie: "It's total BSB in 1997. Or maybe 98 Degrees in 1999."
Chelsey: "I think he has become a parody of himself."
Jaimie: "I think he always was."
Ashley surprises the coadges with her range while Jonathas sounds great, but stays inside the box and doesn't take enough risks (with the exception of his outfit, of course).
BATTLE: Alyx vs. Jermaine Paul
Song: "Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car" by Billy Ocean
It's seriously inexperienced versus seriously experienced in this battle. Alyx is 19 and has a stupidly-spelled name (We feel her pain), but she is also unwarrantedly cocky. "Having the experience is great, but I think in this business, like, youth is power," she says right off the bat.
Jaimie: "She has Kardashian eyes"
Chelsey: "Yeah, specifically Kourtney, where she looks sleepy"
Jaimie: "Yep and Audrina Patridge"
Soon enough, she's screwing up in practice and Jermaine is starting to feel good. But Blake wants them to let loose. "I'm having fun, but I take what I do seriously because I love it. Seriously," Alyx says, convincingly. Seriously. When she meets with her mentor Miranda Lambert, the country star says: "I'm not sure she's ever had fun ... I'm not sure she could give up all control and just own being a jackass. And sometimes, that's what you have to do as a performer." Our laughter is interrupted when Blake takes on Jermaine's part and sings "touch my bumper" to the 19-year-old contestant.
Jaimie: "I think Alyx doesn't know who Miranda is"
Chelsey: "Or Blake seemingly. She's not excited by anything. She's too nervous about herself. THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, ALYX. IT'S ABOUT THE COADGES EXPANDING THEIR OWN CAREERS. AND THEIR WIVES' OBVIOUSLY."
Over in another barn, Kelly Clarkson is having a little love fest with Jermaine and he's ecstatic to be working with her, too.
Battle time. Alyx is wearing a heinous ensemble, but sounds and performs better than we expected; however, not better than Jermaine. Then, she seals her own coffin, saying, "Sometimes you just gotta say, 'What the hell!'" after the song is over. Awkward.
Jaimie: "You know I love polka dots. Like more than anything in the world, including you. But those are not okay."
Chelsey: "Rude. She looks like she's in a wannabe trendy gospel choir"
Jaimie: "'GCB' is calling her name."
Christina says Jermaine made the song his own and Adam says he "took the song and kicked its ass." Blake gives Alyx some credit for stepping up her game, but it still wasn't enough.
BATTLE: Angel Taylor vs. Katrina Parker
Song: "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
Adam chooses these two ladies because of they both have "vulnerability" in their voices.
Jaimie: "Katrina! Grown up honey boo boo child. With mold. Mold everywhere."
Chelsey: "Angel always looks like she's crying."
When Angel meets with celeb coach Robin Thicke, he seems pretty blown away by her. He even says that he thinks she has what it takes to win the entire competition. Bold statement, sir.
Katrina seems extremely excited to be working with both Alanis and Adam. Alanis has a lot of faith in Katrina, and says that the boat Katrina's in "is safe. There are no holes in it. Just paddle away, my friend." Oh, Canadians.
It's battle time! Angel is introduced as a "survivor" while Katrina is introduced as the woman trying to break free from her cubicle.
Chelsey: "Why does Angel get to be the survivor? Katrina survived mold. That's some scary stuff."
Jaimie: "The fact that I can look past that just shows how much I like Katrina's voice."
Katrina's powerful voice sounds incredible during this performance, and she definitely overshadowed Angel. The coadges all favor Katrina as well, and now comes Coadge Adam's turn to make the final decision. He hides in his cardigan and whines about how he doesn't know what to do.
Jaimie: "Adam. Shut up. Don't pit them against each other then."
Chelsey: "Right? He completely has the power to not put himself in this position. Wahhh Wahhh."
BATTLE: Erin Willett vs. Gwen Sebastian
Song: "We Belong" by Pat Benetar
Blake says this is a battle of dramatics and emotion, but he doesn't even know how true that is. Personally, Jaimie is stoked because she f-----' loves this song. Erin worries she's "the big bull" and that she'll "go too far," while Gwen is trying not to look at this as a battle because they're friends. "I want the audience to feel like they're coming to a show and not to a battle," she says. And Chelsey finally gets her wish.
Unlike an unamused Alyx, Gwen is thrilled to work with Miranda. "I'm just a girl from North Dakota ... I'm not ... What am I doing here?" she says genuinely. Despite her annoyingly repetitive references to her homestate, she seems so genuine. Meanwhile, Kelly tries to show Erin how to rein it in sometimes and not just show "the big stuff."
Jaimie: "I love this song. I love Erin singing it."
Chelsey: "You're very pro-Erin."
Erin vows to work on pulling back, but things take a serious turn when Erin learns that her dad -- who's been suffering from pancreatic cancer -- has 24 hours to live. She decides to continue with the competition because he told her stay there. "I know he wouldn't want me to give it up," she says. If you did not get teary-eyed at this struggle, you have no soul.
Time to battle and they sound uh-mazing.
Chelsey: "I mean it's pretty obvious who's going to take this one. Gwen is even cheering her on." Jaimie: "I know. I am melting a little"
Christina, Cee Lo and Adam all point out their differences and Blake says, "I wish this wasn't that good." He gets a little critical and says Erin played it safe, but it's obvious who he has to choose ... Erin.
It's incredibly bitter sweet because Gwen might just be the sweetest person to ever grace this stage ... all two seasons of it. "Thank you turning your chairs around," she tells the judges.
Chelsey: "Gwen was so gracious. Good for you, Gwennay!"
Jaimie: "She is the classiest lady to ever grace this stage. Next to X-Tina."
Chelsey: "X-Tina is the CLASSIEST!"
We then learn with a flashback to the blind auditions that the show was dedicated to the memory of Chuck Willet, Erin's dad. Pass the Kleenex.