We know what you were hoping to see in tonight's installment of "The Voice" -- more blind auditions! But seriously, we're getting tired of Cee Lo's silk pajamas, Adam's rolled up t-shirt and Christina's sad excuse for shorts.
There were some moments that made us smile -- thanks to Cee Lo taking the stage with an adorable "Voice" hopeful (a la Christina and Sera HIll from Season 2) -- and, of course, it wouldn't be "The Voice" without creepy, cringe-inducing comments from the coadges.
Also, if you recognized Jordan Pruitt from her Disney days before Carson had to tell you who she was, we feel sad for you (and we're in the same boat).
"Proud Mary," Tina Turner
The 28-year-old Massachusetts native and mother of two has a busy life -- she works full time at a bank, takes care of her twins and sings on occasion. When Michelle met her husband David, he was trying to earn a spot in the NFL. He had gotten on the St. Louis Rams and then, before he got to play, he was let go. Michelle is determined to get on "The Voice" because, "I don't want both our dreams to be shot down," she says.
Chelsey: "OMG. Look at their little twinnies nuggets."
Jaimie: "Fortunately, those cute chitlins make up for everything."
As Michelle approached the chorus of the Tina Turner classic, Adam and Cee Lo almost simultaneously pressed their buttons. And after Blake's prodding, Christina finally did too at the last minute.
Jaimie: "I'm glad there's less of the encouraging other coadges to press their buttons going on. Blake just reminded me how annoying it is."
Chelsey: "So true. They were ALL about that in Season 2."
Adam calls Michelle "supernatural" and says, "I would be very blessed and very honored to work with you." Christina says she was waiting for a crack or a flaw in Michelle's performance, but didn't find one and Cee Lo echoed Teen's sentiments calling the performance "very seamless."
Michelle decides to go with her heart and "[her] heart has to go with Adam." Perhaps she should have listened to something else, but the biggest douchebag of "The Voice" wins again.
Our anger is temporarily subsided by Michelle's daughters' adorably thrilled reaction to her performance. Thank goodness for nuggets.
"Animal," Neon Trees
Next up is Peruvian-born Diego Val, who had a disease when he was young that forced him to be bed-ridden for a year and half. Upon hearing this, our favorite life coach Carson Daly who is completely devoid of emotion responds, "No kidding." Could you imagine if Diego was just like, "Actually, I am kidding! Gotcha, bro!"
Diego, like a true "Voice" contender, used this time in the hospital to learn to play guitar and become a musical mastermind. His sob story is actually above average though, because now he spends his free time volunteering at hospitals and singing for the pediatric patients.
Chelsey: "Diego looks like a Peruvian Prince. And he sounds like Fez."
Jaimie: "Okay it's nice that he gives back. I can appreciate."
Diego sings "Animal" with his own little spin on it, and it takes a while for any of the coadges to really react.
Jaimie: "He's kinda affected, but I like it."
Chelsey: "He sounds a little yell-y."
Then, Diego pulls a Julio Cesar Castillo and sings a verse en Español! ¡Ay caramba! Cee Lo, who can't resist anyone that breaks the norms of this show, gives us a simple, "I like it!" and turns his chair around for Señor Diego.
None of the other coadges turn their chairs around, but that's fine because Diego has definitely found his place with Cee Lo's ragtag group of misfits. The other coadges all give Diego some BS about why they didn't press their buttons rather than just let him enjoy the fact that someone DID press his button. Then, Carson gets to live his favorite part of life when he brings Diego back to his family with a "Hey look who I found?"
Team: Cee Lo
"Landslide," Fleetwood Mac
This 32-year-old singer and guitarist does the adorable job of teaching music classes for toddlers, but now, she wants her time to shine. Suzanna says she wants to get on "The Voice" as a tribute to her students, encouraging them to follow their dreams.
As Suzanna takes the stage, her all-female friends and family are very into the "woo-hoos" and bouncing, a sharp contrast to Suzanna's beautifully mellow performance.
Adam is the first to show how much he likes Suzanna's rendition of "Landslide," giving his button a casual push. Soon enough, Blake also spins around and it's a battle.
When Suzanna's done, Cee Lo and Adam mention how she sounds like Stevie Nicks. But just as Blake starts Southern-bonding with Suzanna (an Austin, TX native), Adam starts the "Who turned around first" argument, before giving some legitimate feedback.
The newly-crowned "Voice" jackass (courtesy of Blake) says Suzanna is "refreshingly unique." Blake says she's "seasoned" and predicts that she could make it to the finale. "I want to be the guy to get you where you need to go," he says.
Though she seems to be legitimately conflicted and she says "toss-up" numerous times, Suzanna ultimately chooses Blake. Sore loser Adam says, "I'm so mad. She's so good, it's crazy," as Blake chuckles loudly and victoriously.
"Sara Smile," Hall & Oates
Dez may not have been as memorable as Daniel Rosa was last season (most likely because he didn't cry upon rejection), but once the flashbacks reminded us that he was the guy that performed Backstreet Boys, it all came back. The flashbacks also helped to remind us that X-Tina has really won most improved since last season.
Dez also may be in the running for most improved, because the coadges were VERY impressed with his rendition of this song that we have never heard before. Blake presses his button first, and literally jumps out of his chair upon realizing that his mancrush from last season is back. Christina soon follows suit, and has a much more casual reaction.
Chelsey: "Blake is the overexcited dad and Christina is his bitchy unimpressed teenage daughter."
Jokes aside, Dez seems so legitimately thrilled after catching Cee Lo's attention as well, and we're very happy for him. Now it's decision time, and the coadges really pull out all the pervy stops for this one. Cee Lo yells out, "Ladies make some noise!" and the female audience members happily oblige. Dez mentions that he doesn't have a car (in LA? Not possible) and Christina offers him one of her many sweet whips. Adam then says that any of the ladies would happily give him a ride. Gross. Blake then goes on a rant about how good looking Dez is.
Chelsey: "Jesus. Put your boner away, Blake."
Jaimie: "If he called him 'handsome' he would literally be dad."
Blake then tells Dez that he looks like AC Slater and Elvis Presley. We prefer the Slater comparison. It looks like Dez appreciates neither reference, or perhaps he is just not that into Blake, because Lady X wins this one's heart with her car bribe.
"Go Your Own Way," Fleetwood Mac
Alexis is all about New Orleans. The 23 year old native has been writing music since the young age of 13. Carson hits on the soft spot of Hurricane Katrina and we see a home video of what was once the Marceaux's home. Alexis was devastated by the destruction Katrina left. She lost everything she ever had, but recognizes she's lucky to have her family, who are quite adorable, including her Napoleon Dynamite double brother. She says music helped her get through everything and in her "Voice" audition, she's performing for her city.
Jaimie: "I feel like she's gonna be good."
Chelsey: "I hope so ... because it will be extremely sad if she isn't."
Soon after Alexis starts singing the second Fleetwood Mac track of the night, Cee Lo spins around and remains the only chair facing Alexis and they immediately hit it off:
"First of all, rocker chicks turn me on," Cee Lo says. "You are beautiful," Alexis replies without missing a beat -- and Blake then agrees, calling his fellow coadge "sexy."
Cee Lo gets serious for a second and says Alexis has an "impeccable" voice and she's got that "smart girl, chic" thing going on. We think this is the beginning of a beautiful "Voice"- ship and Alexis' family is beaming with pride, but wait ... Let's take another look at Cee Lo.
Jaimie: "What's on Cee Lo's teeth? Invisalign? Teeth tattoos?"
Chelsey: "Clear grill???"
The world may never know
Team: Cee Lo
"I Wish It Would Rain," The Temptations
Brandon Mahone and his mom are perhaps the cutest parent-child relationship we've yet to see on Season 3 of "The Voice." The 17-year-old Chicago native moved to Indianapolis after his mom was worried for his safety due to the gangs near his high school. "She guides me through everything," Brandon tells the camera. "Like everything you see is because of her."
Brandon grew up listening to The Temptations, Gladys Knight, Smokey Robinson and the like and it certainly showed when he took the stage in his marron cardigan and pink button-down shirt.
Chelsey: "He looks like Valentine's Day."
Adam turns around for Brandon early and smiles at the sweet Valentine standing in front of him as Brandon's family hollers backstage in the most endearing way.
Jaimie: "Oh. I love this family."
Chelsey: "So much. I want to be there with them."
Cee Lo is next to press his button and then, Christina does the same. Brandon's adorable family is hoping for a grand slam, but Blake doesn't turn around. Brandon, however, looks anything but disappointed. He's kvelling (a word he probably doesn't know, but likely will after he chooses his coadge).
Christina says Brandon's performance was "cool" and "so smooth." She and Cee Lo both mention that he got the emotion across and Adam says Brandon is a "real soul singer." But, much to our chagrin, that wins Brandon over.
"The One That Got Away," Katy Perry
We were honestly waiting for this the entire episode. We, being the Disney lovers that we are, knew EXACTLY who Jordan Pruitt was before Carson had to go ahead and tell us. Chelsey even has six (yes, six) Pruitt songs in her iTunes, and she's only mildly ashamed by this.
For those of you normal folk that are not familiar with Ms. Pruitt, she was big on Disney Channel during the "Cheetah Girl"/"High School Musical" days. She sang that awesome song "Jump To The Rhythm" from the DCOM "Jump In!" Or "Outside Looking In" from the 1996 DCOM "Read It and Weep." Remember guys? Anyone?
Jaimie: "She looks exactly the same."
Chelsey: "Yeah, hasn't aged a bit. I hope she sings 'Ever Ever After.'"
During her video package, she name drops all of the big Disney Channel stars that were briefly her besties.
Jaimie: "I like that the first name she dropped was Cheetah Girls. Major street cred."
Chelsey: "I bet her song 'Outside Looking In' has a lot more meaning to her now..."
Jordan, who seems a bit conceited, tells Carson that she left her record label (a.k.a. Disney's Hollywood Records) to make more mature music. I mean, let's be real: Who would leave their record label to try and make it on a reality singing competition? Don't you go on reality singing competitions to WIN a record deal? Sounds like Jordan has been smoking some "salvia" with Miley.
But, we digress. Jordan chooses to sing "The One That Got Away," which probably doesn't do much to show her maturity, but does do enough to get Christina's attention, and she is feeling it. Us, not so much, but good for JP.
Chelsey: "She is totally that contestant backstage that everyone hates because she is constantly talking about when she was famous."
Jaimie: "I can't wait for her and Christina to relate to each other because of their Disneyhood."
Though no other coadges turn their chairs around, Christina (always a sucker for falsetto) is thrilled to have Jordan on her team. Cee Lo creepily tells Jordan that he likes her outfit, and Christina asks for a "huggie." We're done.
"Someone Like You," Adele
Terisa is 42-years-old and sassy as all hell. She's also wearing a pink/leopard/sequin suit, and it's straight up FAB.
Jaimie: "Jakee the Second."
Terisa yells about hot flashes and talks about her history with Jerry "Iceman" Butler. She's a whole lot of woman to handle. She and Carson have a very intimate conversation, and we get uncomfortable.
Chelsey: "I think she was just eye f***ing Carson a bit."
Jaimie: "Chelsey, no. Just stop."
Teri (as her friends and Joe Giudice call her) decides to do Adele, and we're not too thrilled about it. There was so much Adele last season, and we don't understand why anyone ever tries to top her. BOW DOWN TO QUEEN ADELE. SHE WILL NOT BE DUPLICATED.
Teri, however, is really good and manages to somehow make the song her own. We get confused when none of the coadges seem to be turning around.
Jaimie: "Do you think it will be a fourbie?"
Chelsey: "The last of the night usually is."
Jaimie: "Can't you just play along?"
Well, it looks like Chelsey was wrong because only Christina and Blake are feelin' Teri's voice. Adam makes some really cute comments and we are reminded of the Adam we used to know and love. Then we're sad because that Adam is long gone.
Terisa pulls a Jermaine Paul (foreshadowing!?) and asks the coadges what they will do for her.
Blake is convinced that Terisa is going to go with the whole girl power thing, but in a whacky turn of events she goes with Blake and it's cute and awkward and we love it.
Alas, not everyone was so lucky to turn a chair around:
"Cowboy Casanova," Carrie Underwood
Lauren Brooke is an New York-native and she's dyslexic, so obviously singing was her outlet. She's also been inspired by her uncle who recently passed away, because he always encouraged her. Unfortunately for Lauren, the coadges are not feeling her rendition of the Carrie Underwood hit, and Lauren is very displeased.
Chelsey: "She looks PISSED."
Jaimie: "indeed. Her mom and dad may kill someone."
Chelsey: "Yeah they are hardcore New Yorkers. They will f*** your s*** UP."
"Forget You," Cee Lo Green
Always a bold move to sing a coadge's song, but V.J. just looked so adorable and happy, we were actually excited about it. Turns out he's a music teacher, but wants some spotlight to himself.
Jaimie: "Well, isn't he just presh!"
Chelsey: "He looks like an Asian Andrew Rannells."
Jaimie: "SO TRUE. It looks better Asian."
When V.J. starts singing the Cee Lo classic, Mr. Green is all business, refusing to crack a smile. No coadges turn their chairs around, and Blake tells V.J. that it was an odd song choice. Christina then goes on some uncomfortable tangent about how he needed to spank the song. Cee Lo tells V.J. that he has great taste in music and then joins him on stage to sing the song together. The band starts up and everything, and it's a karaoke singer's dream come true. V.J. is ecstatic, despite the fact that he's not advancing in the competition.
Jaimie: "V.J. is very positive."
Chelsey: "Yeah, good for him! The people who work with children always are."
Jaimie: "This is so cute. I'd watch them duet. He's SOOOO happy."
Though we won't be seeing V.J. in the battle rounds, he still went home a winner.
"A Little Less Conversation," Elvis Presley
Jeffrey James parks cars in Nashville and leaves CDs on people's front seats, hoping for his big break. He's kind of obnoxious, and also kind of jumpy.
Jaimie: "I feel like he's on drogas. He hasn't stopped moving."
Chelsey: "It's nerves, which is synonymous with cocaine."
Jeffrey's performance is pretty good and very energetic (see above), but none of the coadges like it enough to turn around. You can tell that the number of available spots are dwindling, because they would have been all over this earlier in the season. Jeffrey is clearly pissed, and Adam tells him that he's really good and has every right to be. Then all the coadges go on to tell Jeffrey how great he is.
Jaimie: "It's almost worse when they're like, 'That was so good. Why didn't we press our buttons!?'"
Chelsey: "I think so, too. I'd be like, 'Well then WTF.'"
Jaimie: "Yeah. They have nothing to improve. Jeffrey's mustache is sad. It mimics his emotion."