The Battle Rounds continue on NBC's "The Voice" (Mondays and Tuesdayst at 8 p.m. ET) so it's time to see some favorites (Cody Belew and Melanie Martinez) and those we wish we'd never see again (Domo).
See who Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton, Adam Levine and Cee Lo Green selected for their teams and which free agent the coadges were fighting over.
Domo Vs. Cody Belew
Team Cee Lo
"Telephone," Lady Gaga
The "cool kind" of singer, D to the O to the M to the O, is unfortunately back, battling the beloved and excitable country boy Cody Belew. Cee Lo chooses Gaga so they can sing and do some choreography, which thrills Jem, we mean, Domo. "I was already envisioning the performance in my head," Domo says. "I know everything about that song."
And if that wasn't bad enough, she then talks about how she looks ... well, hot ... but she sounds like Aretha Franklin.
Jaimie: "Domo thinks she's in TLC circa 'Waterfalls.'"
Chelsey: ""Gurl she WISHES."
Jaimie: "She needs a condom on her eye."
Cody realizes Domo has a leg up, but, he says, "She can't whip that ponytail in my face" ... but only because they're not singing Willow Smith.
Chelsey: "I love Cody. He could not be more perfect."
"She is female, with curves for days, and she wears barely anything, and those are all things that you go to sleep at night thinking about," Cody says to Cee Lo, who is sitting on a coach emblazoned with his name. "What can I do to get your attention?" Cee Lo and Rob tell Cody that he has an advantage actually because Domo would be filling the shoes that Gaga wears and he's doing his own thing with the track.
When the two rehearse for Cee Lo once more, they don't want to show him their moves because they want to surprise him. We're sure some "bam bam" will wow the man who has a pink cockatoo as his "Voice" sidekick.
Shockingly, when it comes time to take the stage, Cody is showing more cleavage than Domo, who is working some crimpage, much like part of Little 2 Steel Girl's ponytail.
Jaimie: "Who thought it was a good idea to take their crimper out from 1987 and use it on these people?"
Chelsey: "Lizzie Maguire style."
Jaimie: "Olsen twin movie style."
Apparently, the choreography they practiced involved Cody shaking his shoulders and Domo, after presumably watching some of Jordan Pruitt's old Disney Channel music videos, shaking her hips and attempting to master the art of hairography.
Neither one of them sounds great, but that doesn't seem to be the point, since there is one important choreographed moment in which Cody faux slaps Domo's bedazzled ass.
Jaimie: "Oh my. Cody is so cute. But neither one of them sound particularly good."
Chelsey: "I am so in love with him. Agreed, but Cody takes it because he's Cody."
When the song is over, everyone's smiling. There's no doubt it was entertaining to the eyes, but to the ears, it was definitely lacking. All Blake can really say is that Domo's beautiful and Cody is "damn good looking" himself. Christina explains that she thought Domo would overdo it, but she didn't (Adam speaks out of turn to agree) and therefore, she'd go with Domo. Since Adam forfeited his right to share an opinion on the count of interruption, it's Cee Lo's time to weigh in. He thinks Domo and Cody concentrated too much on the choreography and didn't try to rewrite the script of the song to separate themselves from the pack. Because of that, he has to go with personal preference, the person he "get[s] a kick out of." Obviously, it's Cody.
Domo tears up as she says her thank you's, potentially doing damage to the CZ's adorning her eyes. In a not at all surprising non-turn, no one steals.
Winner: Cody Belew
Aquile vs. Nathalie Hernandez
"You Give Me Something," James Morrison
The next battle of the night is powerful soul singer Aquile and soft-spoken 15-year-old Nathalie Hernandez. Aquile is strong from the start, and Team Christina celebrity mentor Billy Joe Armstrong (what a mouthful) even tells him that he sounds "better than the original." To quote Andy Samberg quoting Nicholas Cage, "That's high praise." Natalie is struggling a bit more to connect with the song, and Christina thinks it's because she's so young and can't yet fully grasp the lyrics.
Jaimie: "Nathalie bores me."
Chelsey: "She loves florals."
Jaimie: "She does. Because she's just a 15-year-old girl on The Voice. A big fish in a small pond."
Billy Joe is pretty complimentary of Nathalie as well, and gives her the ever so wise advice to "do what you do," which is both deep and informative. As Coadge X-Tina tells the contestants that she really wants them to work together for this performance, they both seem nervous about connecting. Actually, Nathalie seems nervous all the time, and 22-year-old Aquile is probably nervous for other reasons.
Chelsey: "Aquile is like, 'Hey, coach...how do I do this without seeming like a major pedophile?'"
The next day, the two practice their performance and attempt to connect in a way that makes it legal. Nathalie has also traded her florals for leopards.
Jaimie: "She's wearing leopard because she's proving that she's on Team Christina and she's grown into the animal."
Then Christina pulls out her personal microphone stand out of NOWHERE, and it's red and covered in lips. Because obviously.
Jaimie: "Christina's microphone stand is lips...but it looks like giant anal beads."
Chelsey: "Oh ew."
After a quick commercial break, it's time for the performance. Both contestants sound pretty amazing, but Aquile's voice sounds particularly strong.
Chelsey: "Nat has a weird double braid pony thang. I bet you love it."
Jaimie: "I do."
Overall, it's a really beautiful and nice performance. There really isn't too much criticism to be given. It's so pretty that we're even able to overlook the pedophilia undertones. The coadges have all positive feedback for the two singers, though Adam notes that Nathalie is inexperienced, which is obviously not her fault (it's ultimately her parents fault for not having her a couple years earlier). Adam tells them that Aquile is there now, and Nathalie will be there soon.
X-Teenz agrees with Adam and chooses Aquile. She is surprised and disappointed when Blake doesn't try to steal Nathalie, but we all know he already did the "inexperienced nervous 15-year-old" thing with Xenia in Season 1so c'est la vie, Nathalie.
Caitlin Michele Vs. Melanie Martinez
"Lights," Ellie Goulding
Adam decided to pit musical theater student Caitlin Michele -- any relation to Lea? -- and 17-year-old bizarre Britney Spears enthusiast Melanie Martinez against each other because he only has room for one unique, young female singer on Team Adam. Actually, he says, They "both do really interesting things, but in a pop context."Then, Adam adds, "I really do believe that this is the best collaboration."
When Caitlin and Melanie walk in to meet Mary J. and Adam, Melanie is pretty stoked. In the confessional, she sounds like a 56-year-old woman who's been smoking a pack a day for four decades, but then giggles like the toddler she stole her bow from. (Just kidding, MelMar. We love you.)
Chelsey: "Melanie is the ultimate hipster."
Jaimie: "She's beyond hipster. She's reached new levels of awesome."
Mary was shocked by the voice that came out of the high-schooler dressed like a pre-schooler and Caitlin is shaking in whatever black shoes she's wearing.
Melanie had an off day at the final rehearsal with Adam and he warns them to "never catch yourself phoning it in." Because we know how he feels about being at a payphone, trying to call home. Adam is also dropping the word "pitchy" like he's Randy Jackson during this rehearsal. Afterwards, in the confessional, tears run down Melanie's porcelain doll-like face.
Chelsey: "Cry baby."
Jaimie: "So mean."
Chelsey: "If you can't handle the battles stay out the comp, gurl. Tough love."
When it comes time to take the stage, Melanie seems to be in a better head space and in a frock one would wear for her first day of kindergarten in 1954. As their eerie rendition of the Ellie Goulding hit goes on, Caitlin proves she has the more powerful voice, while Melanie's is haunting and unlike anything "The Voice" has seen before.
Adam is clearly into it. We know this because his eyes are closed.
Jaimie: "Open up those eyes, Adam."
Chelsey: "He needs us to know that he's feeling it."
Jaimie: "Then his head should be down."
After the performance, Carson tells Adam he had his head buried in his lap. And there it is.
Jaimie: "He WAS feeling it!"
Chelsey: "Or he was trying to s his own d."
Blake can't really choose between the singers since he's so dumb-founded by what he's just seen and listen to. Christina says they were both consistent, but also won't choose and it becomes clear that everyone just wants to keep their options open to steal. Cee Lo adds that it was "enchanted" and that they both sang with conviction. Though he also won't choose, he says he loves Melanie. Adam is on to his fellow coadges and impressed by what he saw from Melanie and Caitlin, considering they were previously "phoning it in" -- yes, he said it again. Adam seems truly torn, but he goes with the person that moved him most from the beginning: Melanie. Now she's crying happy tears ... or someone knocked down her block tower.
Cee Lo and Adam are both looking to steal Caitlin and Carson is narrating this blessed event like it's the Super Bowl.
Jaimie: "Carson's SO excited"
Chelsey: "He just can't hide it."
Jaimie: "He definitely lost control and I do not like it."
Cee Lo goes with the "I'm unique just like you" argument," while Blake opts for the "I turned my chair around for you in the blind auditions" attempt and he gets an assistt from Adam. But it's not enough -- Caitlin goes with Cee Lo, leaving Blake to wonder if he did something to her in a past life.
Stolen: Caitlin by Team Blake
Battle: Celica Westbrooke vs. Lisa Scinta
"My Life Would Suck Without You," Kelly Clarkson
Rushing through battles? This was strange. I guess this is what happens when they expand the show. Hey, producers, signs you're taking things a bit too far?
Carson tells us that Celica Westbrooke wins this battle, which must mean that Lisa Scinta's life story is super average because she got brushed over in both the blinds and the battles. Guess our lives WON'T really suck with you, Lisa! (We apologize. It's difficult to come up with anything worthwhile to say about a contestant we know nothing about.)
Winner: Celica Westbrooke
Charlie Rey vs. Rudy Parris
Team Cee Lo
"Bad Day," Daniel Powter
ANOTHER rushed battle? Oy! Smog technician heartthrob Charlie (yes, that's a real thing) was very popular in the blind auditions, but we guess he got lost in the smog against grandpa Rudy Parris during their battle round performance.
Winner: Rudy Parris
"The Voice" airs Mondays and Tuesdayst at 8 p.m. ET on NBC
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