Here is what probably happened at Howard Dean's home yesterday:
[Howard Dean is sitting in a chair in his underwear, eating a bowl of beans with a fork. His hair is really messed up. The TV is blaring an interview between President Barack Obama and NBC News Anchor, Brian Williams.]
OBAMA: I'm frustrated with myself, my team. I'm here on television saying I screwed up.
[Dean chokes on beans and starts screaming]
DEAN: God damn right you did!
OBAMA: I screwed up.
DEAN: I know!
OBAMA: I've got to own up to my own mistakes.
DEAN: That is right! [Dean throws bowl against the wall] BOOM! I AM A DOCTOR!
JUDITH DEAN: [from her bedroom] Howard, please!
DEAN: No! I will not! Daschle's gone and the Dean is IN, woman!
JUDITH DEAN: They'll probably appoint Ron Wyden.
DEAN: Says who?
JUDITH DEAN: Bloggers.
DEAN: I'll show you bloggers...
[Dean runs over to a phone and starts dialing. A woman answers.]
WOMAN ON PHONE: Well, hello baby.
DEAN: What? Who is this? I need to speak with the President, immediately.
WOMAN ON PHONE: What number are you trying to reach?
WOMAN: You dialed 1-800-Omama. It's sex talk with actual moms.
DEAN: I'll stay on the line.
[Two hours later, Dean is in the backyard gluing a bunch of PVC pipe and belts together]
JUDITH DEAN: What in God's name are you doing?
DEAN: I'm making a helicopter. And going to Washington.
JUDITH DEAN: No you are not. We have a car. Three cars, actually.
DEAN: I delivered children into this world, I can make a helicopter.
JUDITH DEAN: Not the same thing.
DEAN: Really? Aren't they? [Dean straps on goggles, gets in and miraculously flies away]
JUDITH DEAN: I can't believe it...
[Suddenly, a plane flies through the air and hits the Dean-copter]
SULLY THE PILOT: Oh fuck, really? Is there any water around us?
COPILOT: Doesn't look like it.
SULLY THE PILOT: Well, at least I got to go to the Super Bowl.
COPILOT: I'm still mad you didn't take me.
SULLY THE PILOT: You get too drunk and say horrible things to women.
Meanwhile, at the Whitehouse...
OBAMA: [hanging up the phone] Well, apparently Howard Dean is stuck in a jet-engine.
RAHM EMMANUEL: Yes!
OBAMA: Any thoughts on who could do it?
[Bill Bradley pops up from behind a plant]
BILL BRADLEY: I'll do it.
RAHM EMMANUEL: How did you get in here?
BILL BRADLEY: I'm really good at tunneling. And basketball.
OBAMA: I...fine, you can have it.
BILL BRADLEY: Sweet! I want my office to be in here.
RAHM EMMANUEL: No, this is the President's office.
BILL BRADLEY: I don't see what the problem is.
OBAMA: I screwed up.
BILL BRADLEY: I am a doctor now.