New Fall Sitcom! "The Wolfie & Shaha Show!"

New Hit Sitcom! Wolfie and Shaha in...."You Can Take It to the Bank!"

Scene opens in a well appointed Georgetown townhouse. Coming back from a hard day at work, WOLFIE enters the door stage right, carrying briefcase and shopping bag. Audience applauds.

SHAHA: (off camera) Is that you, Wolfie?

WOLFIE slumps a little at the sound of his lover's voice. He is a man all bravado and bluster out in the world, but around here, someone else wears the pants.

WOLFIE: Yes, dear. (sotto voce) Who'd you think it was going to be, Scrooge McDuck?

SHAHA: (off camera) How was everything at the World Bank today? Did you save the world from poverty yet?

WOLFIE: As much as conservative principles allow.

SHAHA: (off camera) And did you talk to the board about bringing me back at a raise commensurate with my abilities?

WOLFIE flinches with exaggeration.

SHAHA: (off camera) Wolfie? Did you hear my question?

WOLFIE opens shopping bag he's holding, pulls out huge bag of potato chips, opens it and eats out of it noisily and violently, like a horse's feedbag.

SHAHA: (off camera) Wolfie?

SHAHA enters the living room and stares in disbelief at the messy sight. WOLFIE continues to shove his face into the chip bag until he realizes he's being watched.

WOLFIE: (beat, with chip crumbs on his face) Testing out a ... new program...for alleviating hunger.

(Audience laughter)

SHAHA: Don't give me that, Wolfie. You're just trying to ignore me.

WOLFIE: Why would I try and do that, my little dumpling?

SHAHA: You DID ask the board about my job, didn't you? Didn't you?

WOLFIE: It's been busy, sweetie. There hasn't been a good time to bring it up. I've had to approve new letterhead, have lunch with the French delegates...and you know how they eat, that can take all day....

(Audience laughter)

SHAHA: You have got to get me my job back at the World Bank! I can't stand it anymore at the State Department--that little Miss Perfect Condi Rice is always walking around, giving out fashion tips that make everyone feel fat.

WOLFIE: I know I promised you I'd look into that job for you, snookums, but you know, I'm just starting out and....

SHAHA: Wolfie...

WOLFIE: There's a big World Bank golf tournament this weekend that I....

SHAHA: Wolfie.....

WOLFIE: I might get to meet Fuzzy Zoeller!

SHAHA: Wolfie! Why are you doing this to us? Do they know who you are? You are the president of the World Bank. And if you can't use your clout to get your girlfriend back at her job there, then what's the world coming to?

WOLFIE: You're right!

SHAHA: After all, you are the president of the World Bank!

WOLFIE: Yeah!

SHAHA: You're the former U.S. Undersecretary of Defense!

WOLFIE: Yeah!!!

SHAHA: You're one of the architects of the Iraq War!

WOLFIE: If they fuck with me, I have enough on them to ......Wh-wh-what?

SHAHA You're one of the architects of the Iraq War!

WOLFIE: (makes a sick face) Eaugh. I need a drink.

Enter WOLFIE's comically no-account brother LARRY. Audience goes crazy.

LARRY: Hey, hey, Wolfie Boy!

LARRY enters living room, takes half-empty bag of chips from Wolfie. He plops onto couch and puts feet up on coffee table.

WOLFIE: Larry, this is NOT a good time.

LARRY: What, were you two about to go off and have sex?

SHAHA: We weren't even thinking about it.

LARRY: Good, that makes three of us--three BILLION of us!

(Audience laughter)

WOLFIE: What do you want, Larry?

LARRY: I was hoping you'd float one of those little microeconomic loans my way.

SHAHA: Microeconomic loans?

LARRY: Yeah, I read about them somewhere. You loan $100 to a peasant woman in India so she can start a weaving store or sumpin', and then she sells a lot of rugs and lifts herself out of poverty.

WOLFIE: And you want me to arrange something like that?

LARRY: Well, yeah. I'm planning a big weekend in Atlantic City, and the bus leaves from the Senior Center in an hour.

WOLFIE: And you're feeling lucky, right? Why should I help you out?

LARRY: I'm your brother, aren't I? What's the difference between a peasant woman in India and me?

SHAHA: The peasant woman doesn't live in our garage.

(Audience laughter)

LARRY: All right, all right. Sheesh, you know the guy who gets to be president of the World Bank, and you think he might be able to help you out.

SHAHA: (glaring at Wolfie) Oh, I know the feeling, Larry.

LARRY: I didn't even get a World Bank calendar last Christmas.

WOLFIE: All right! All right already! I'll go down to the bank right now, and I'll demand you get your job back with a big raise, and I'll get you your hundred dollar micro-loan, and then maybe we can have some peace and quiet around here!

WOLFIE picks up briefcase and heads toward door.

LARRY: Hey, Wolfie?

WOLFIE: What!?

LARRY: (waving empty bag) Would you pick up some chips while you're out?

WOLFIE exits, slamming door behind him.

Commercial break.

OVERLAY: Two Years Later....

WOLFIE enters living room after work. SHAHA is already there. LARRY is still sitting in the same spot on the couch.

WOLFIE: Well, I hope you're happy. I hope you're both happy.

SHAHA: What happened, dear?

WOLFIE: The Board made me resign! I'm ruined!

SHAHA: Oh no!

WOLFIE: Oh yes! All I've got left is my good name, and a $375,000 severance package!

SHAHA: Uh, about your "good name," dear....

LARRY: $375,000! That only means one thing.

WOLFIE: What's that?

LARRY: Atlantic City, here we come!

WOLFIE AND SHAHA playfully pound LARRY with pillows.

Music up. Audience applause. Roll credits.