03/30/2006 09:47 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Here's the Final Solution to the Lobbying Mess -- in Three Simple Rules

Aghast that Jack Abramoff has been caught with his pants down, and with some of their own plump hindquarters on show, the Senate has "overwhelmingly" passed a new bill on lobbying so toothless that it will never bite anyone -- least of all those well padded rumps. It's good only for kissing them.

I have a dream: a lobbying bill with a real set of choppers. Since lobbyists regularly claim they do not buy legislators but rather "educate" them on pending legislation, why not simply pass the following rules?

1. No lobbyists may furnish goods, gifts, or services of any kind to any legislator.

2. No lobbyist may participate in any political campaign.

3. A lobbyist may speak to a legislator only in that legislator's office, and all conversations between them shall be recorded and posted within 24 hours on the legislator's website.

The last provision, of course, would ensure that every lobbyist got the chance to educate us all.