12/31/2010 06:10 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Kidz Bop: The Worst Thing Ever?

I have just listened to "Kidz Bop 18: Today's Biggest Hits Sung for Kids by Kids" in its entirety.

I really wanted to hate it. Instead, I'm simply baffled.

Here are my top 12 questions:

  1. Do children really prefer that other children sing inferior cover versions of their favorite pop songs?

  • Why not just have the original artist record an edited version?
  • Why go through the trouble of hiring 12 year olds to cover Justin Beiber's "Baby" when the original artist is basically the same age?
  • Are children actually asking their parents to buy these albums?
  • Those children are like 4 years old, right?
  • Do any adults ever purchase Kidz Bop without being asked?
  • Do these adults have any understanding of modern music? (Hint: they bought a CD with the word "Bop" in the title.)
  • Doesn't Kidz Bop take it's lyrical editing too far? On Katy Perrys' "California Gurls", a "sun kissed beach," not "sun kissed skin," will melt your popsicle. Lady Gaga's "Telephone" stand-ins are not "sippin' that bub," but rather, "eatin' that grub." Isn't that a little lame, even for 4 year olds?
  • Many of the songs ("Break Your Heart", "Alejandro", "Single Ladies") concern adult relationships. Isn't this inconsistent with Kidz Bop's mission to infantilize everything it touches?
  • Why does Kidz Bop support atheism? On the song "Breakeven," one of the kidz laments that he/she (it's hard to tell at this age) is "praying to a thing that I don't believe in." While certainly less direct than The Script's original "praying to a god that I don't believe in," the atheist message remains intact.
  • Aren't atheist parents the least likely to have a problem with mild references to alcohol and sexuality?
  • Are most purchases of Kidz Bop ironic at this point?
  • For the sake of America's children, I truly hope so.