If you were told not to think about the color 'fire engine red,' what's the first thing that pops into your head? Similarly, if you wake up at 4:30 a.m. thinking about how you don't have the mortgage money or grocery money to feed your family, can you just 'shift your thinking'? But isn't that what coaches everywhere are telling you to do? Hmmmmm.
As a coach I am constantly reading other coaches materials and have, of course, taken thousands of hours of seminars, live or online, over the many years. There is a common theme that plays out over the materials, in fact I read it just recently, 'what you resist, persists' or 'what you think about the most is what will show up in your life'. In other words, if you are constantly thinking about scarcity, you'll get scarcity, if you think about abundance that's what you'll get.
And then there's the real world, which takes us back to waking up at 4:30 a.m., lying awake worrying about paying bills. It seems that there is theory and there is reality and the fact that if you don't worry, you'll wind up ruining your credit and worse yet, you'll disappoint your family. Isn't that the way normal people think?
For every 'success from the ruins' story, whether it's a famous writer who was on the dole when they wrote a bestselling wizard series, a computer genius who built his company from a garage or a bankrupt Realtor who went on to be an online billionaire, the stories of success don't cut it for the millions and millions who are facing tough times. Coaching that says "don't focus on the negative" is correct, it's right, it works and it is sound coaching, but it doesn't get you any more sleep.
Worse yet, when you can't sleep at night worrying about bills, you wind up tired the next day, worn out, sick and therefore you have poor performance days, lack energy and get nothing done. As hard as you may try, you experience no breakthroughs and you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities; easy to stay encouraged in the face of that, eh?
The simple answer is that what you're feeling and experiencing is real and true and no one can deny it. The articles and ideas I've mentioned aren't written to discount what you're experiencing and believe me; a lot of coaches have their money worries too. What's needed though, are a few tools to cover that middle ground between the ideal and the reality you maybe experiencing, so let's be practical, roll up our sleeves and get to work.
Challenge: You read the article and don't want to focus on the negative, the lack, the bills, mortgage, unemployment, etc., but you can't stop thinking about them and it's keeping you up at night. You know what you should do, that worry is paying interest on a loan that might never come due, etc., but you can't stop it.
Option 1: Embrace the worry. Instead of laying there in bed at 4:30 a.m. sighing, trying to think positive thoughts, let the worry be your energy. Get up, grab a sheet of paper and 'dump your brain' onto it. Write down every possible worry, every bill and its amount, everything you can't do and write until you've covered it all. Keep the page close by and add to it as often as a negative thought or worry comes to mind.
Option 2: The worst that could happen. Indulge your creative worrying impulse and paint the scenario you're dreading as a paper and pen reality. Write out the absolute worst that could happen and don't be afraid to overdo it. Get morose, maudlin and melodramatic and indulge your worst fears, your biggest nightmare and keep adding to that list as you need to.
Option 3: Brainstorm. After you've cataloged the outgoing money and the expenses, brainstorm the ways you could handle it, making money, cutting costs, cashing in, etc. Don't take action in the midst of all of this 'swirl'; just work it out on paper. You may not cover all of your losses, but you may find a solution for a big chunk of it.
Option 4: Talk. If you're married, make sure you put your ego in check and let your spouse know what you're thinking and feeling. Guys do this the worst; they think they have to 'be strong' or keep it all inside. Talk to your wife, husband or partner and just ask that they 'be a sympathetic ear'. Unburden yourself.
Another "talk" option, a good one, is to find a group of supportive others to meet with on a regular basis. Look on LinkedIn or Facebook for others in the same situation or people you may share a passion with.
Option 5: Get physical. Don't neglect your physical self because you're 'trapped' in your head. Take care of your appearance, just maybe go to a discount salon for the time being, and take advantage of the psychological 'edge' of dressing your best every day. The outside really does inform the inside.
Working out helps in other ways too; positive endorphins are a result of exercise and it's proven that the brain works best when the body is active. You'll think clearer and remain more positive if you keep your body moving and that's important.
Remember, that it's not just our intellect that "thinks" our mood, it's a complex full body process and it needs attention. Depression is not just "thinking" negatively, it's a dangerous full body experience and you need to pay attention to your symptoms and consult a physician. Don't just 'tough it out' if you find yourself sinking too deep.
The example I use with clients is that if you ask someone who's drunk if they're OK to drive, nine times out of ten they'll tell you that 'they're fine'. But we all know, when you're impaired you can't think straight, literally. You can't be expected to 'not be' worried, anxious or fearful when the circumstances call for it, in fact that's what these emotions are for, to warn us of impending danger so that we can get into action.
So until you're in a space where you're able to 'shift' your focus from the negative and fearful ones of a dire situation you may find yourself in, try these five practical tools to help move you forward. It can't always occur as an overnight transformation, no matter what fad book you've read it in, it's more often the result of small, disciplined steps, making the most of what you have and doing the best you can.
It may not be as "sexy" as "get it all now by thinking great thoughts" but we're all not cut out for the big Ah Ha's. Sometimes we just need to forge ahead with our little "Uh huhs."
P.S. I have a course that helps you deal with your "money story," the picture and image of money that your grew up with and it is very cheap -- value sensitive if you prefer. Check it out The Money Course.
Follow James M. Lynch on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JamesLynchCoach
James.