Won't you please help me? I have a dear friend who is launching a new line of green stuffed animals, and if I donate 100 dollars to her Kickstarter campaign, she will create a thank you gift in the form of a plush toy with my face on the body of an endangered species. And then I have this other friend, a very talented filmmaker who really deserves the chance to follow through on his dream of making a documentary about stealing office supplies. Trouble is, I need the 25 bucks to donate to his Kickstarter campaign. (At that level, I will get a commemorative box of Post-It notes from the production and a special thanks in the credits.) Oh, and I almost forgot my other friends, a husband and wife team who want to raise money to self-publish their book of landscape photography. Ten bucks will get me one-of-a-kind downloadable Boreal Forest wallpaper for my desktop.
I don't know what the hell has happened in the last few months, but it seems like I am getting invitations to help my friends with their projects on Kickstarter every other day. I love these people as if they were my own blood, but I still haven't recovered from the '08 crash, and I am just too prideful to tell them that the only role I can play in subsidizing their dreams is as the person who tells them to get a damn life and stop hassling me for money.
I don't want that to happen, and I know you don't either. So I come to you now to ask, humbly, but in a most heartfelt fashion: can you see your way clear to sending me some money on Kickstarter so that I can give some money to my friends on Kickstarter?
No donation is too small, but here is what I can offer you at various levels:
James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the web can be found here.
NOTE: This piece is satirical.
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