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James Peron

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Paranoid Parents Are a Bigger Threat to Kids

Posted: 06/08/2012 10:55 pm

Our kids are suffering from an orgy of bad parenting. Yes, there are real dangers to kids, but the main harm they face is imposed by their own parents.

Entire generations of children have grown up under the wings of paranoid, over-protective hawks, who teach them to fear the world, to distrust everyone, and to seek some strong, authority figure to protect them from monsters under their beds.

Yes, most monsters parents fear do not exist. This doesn't mean that some children aren't kidnapped, but these are rare exceptions. In addition, incompetent parents now see childhood as extending further and further into adulthood.

Consider the video below.

Tasha Washington's son is graduating high school. Her son Marcus, along with others, caused damage to a resort where they were staying on their senior trip. They were sent back to Philadelphia by train, a five-hour trip. Tasha is "outraged" and "livid" that her "child" made the trip without adult supervision. I too am outraged and livid. Apparently she raised a son, who is either 17 or 18 years of age, about to graduate high school, and possibly going off to college, yet incapable of riding a train for five hours without an adult holding his hand. His livid mother can't see him as competent enough to spend five hours on a train.

If her appraisal is correct, then Marcus either has serious developmental issues or suffers from bad parenting. Surely a lifetime of parenting should prepare a high school graduate to ride a train for a few hours without a babysitter.

Back when I'd fly -- the TSA made me a non-flyer by choice -- I was in a California airport in a relatively small waiting area. A few feet away, there was a mother with her daughter, perhaps five or six years old. The girl walked toward the window to look out. She was in a straight line of vision from her mother and only about three feet further away than before.

Mommy had looked away briefly and then turned back looking at the spot where the daughter had been standing. Not seeing her, instead of looking a few feet further, she started screaming for her daughter. The girl immediately came right back and Mommy started berating her and telling how the world was filled with awful people who would do terrible things to do her. She must never walk anywhere by herself as she was always in danger. She sounded just like George Bush trying to terrorize Americans into given up civil liberties to protect us from "tear-rists."

Child advocacy groups, many of which want to stoke the terror, will tell you hundreds of thousands of kid are "reported missing" every year. What that means, is that Mommy or Daddy doesn't know where the kid is and reports it. They could be next door playing, or merely watching out the widow when a paranoid mother has a public fit.
Most children who are abducted are not taken by strangers, but by one of their own parents or another family member in a custody dispute. The Center for Missing and Exploited Children says of stranger abduction:

Such abductions are rare enough that the estimates of the number of care- taker missing and reported missing children abducted by a nonfamily perpetrator are not very reliable and have very large confidence intervals. Stereotypical kidnappings are the particular type of nonfamily abduction that receives the most media attention and involves a stranger or slight acquaintance who detains the child overnight, transports the child at least 50 miles, holds the child for ransom, abducts the child with intent to keep the child permanently, or kills the child. They represent an extremely small portion of all missing children. (The Law Enforcement Study found that an estimated 115 of the nonfamily abducted children were victims of stereotypical kidnappings and that 90 of these qualified as reported missing.) p. 6.

Far more kids are thrown out by their parents for being gay than are victims of stereotypical kidnappings.

USA Today
noted: "Many parents rarely let their kids roam the neighborhood, use public transportation or walk to school alone. Play and sports are organized into play dates and teams, and extracurricular activities eat up kids' free time." The result of this is "increasing signs" that children lack independence, are more stressful, anxious and depressed.

Professor of Social Work, Michael Ungar, says: "Research shows very clearly that kids are safer today." But, parents are terrified and pass their paranoid insecurities to their children.

Anyone with small children today lives in a world where the risks are actually lower than when they were children themselves. Sociologist Barry Glassner, in The Culture of Fear, says that people perceive greater danger even while actual risks are declining.

Anyone with small children today lives in a world where the risks are actually lower than when they were children themselves.

In my childhood, we walked to school and home again every day. There were no cell phones for parents to monitor our every move -- some even have GPS tracking. We played outside, unsupervised, and were told to be home when the streetlights came on.

We wandered in woods and fields, next to our suburban tracts. We caught snakes and frogs and, to the consternation of babysitters and mothers, frequently brought them home.

Almost any child over the age of 12 was considered babysitting material and would not only watch their siblings frequently, but do the same for neighbors to earn some cash. I remember the time my mother, a single-parent, got stuck at the hospital in a blizzard for two days. I, and my brothers, fed ourselves and managed quite well.

We played without adult supervision. We wandered near and far. Rarely, did parents know precisely where we were. We were children who often spent five hours playing away from home, entirely on our own. Today, we have high school seniors who allegedly aren't capable of riding a train for five hours without their mother having televised fits over it.

Those weren't the good old days, either. By every measure of security, children are much safer today than during my childhood. What has changed, are parents. They are fearful and paranoid, without an accurate grip on reality, imposing their problems on their children. They are training up a generation to fear the world and seek out the security of some authority figure to protect them from imaginary monsters.

 
 
 
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11:04 AM on 06/14/2012
There is much with which I agree in your excellent blog, especially the point that today many parents have simply gone overboard. The key is preparing the child (age appropriately) for keeping himself safe, giving him skills, and allowing him to take risks and practice safety. Remember the hub bub that Free Range Mom endured in NYC. Deja Vu.
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kristenhowerton
www.rageagainsttheminivan.com
02:45 AM on 06/12/2012
"We played without adult supervision. We wandered near and far. Rarely, did parents know precisely where we were." - Yes, that's true. But it is estimated that 1 in 5 adults were sexually abused as children. There is a balance that we need to find, between hovering and supervision.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
James Peron
05:57 AM on 06/12/2012
And if you checked your data you would find most of that wasn't due to them wandering near and far but took place in the home.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Khaos Spence
02:00 AM on 06/12/2012
I feel bad for these kids, not the kid who wrecked the hotel room(not judging him) but for the sheltered, the ones with the helicopter parents. My parents love me and care if i get seriously hurt, but the general rule if its not broken or bloody move on. Ive also traveled by myself locally and cross country and into mexico at varies times, I myself like to get out and see places my parents arent always thrilled when i rome around but they live with it. I have an odd stand point from some people I say we all have to die someday so why be afraid to live your life how you want too
01:44 AM on 06/12/2012
The blogger sounds like an ideal parent - one who has never had kids... He misses the point that parents are guilty until proven innocent of child neglect and abuse if the little one steps out of line and shows any signs of independence or heaven forbid they have to be taken to the ER for an injury they got while being unsupervised for even a second.
09:29 PM on 07/03/2012
Ahh...be a paranoid parent...because you are paranoid of the potential consequences if you aren't? I'm am preparing my duaghter who is 11, to (gasp) walk 4 blocks in a safe suburban neighborhood to her school next year. I've ready rec'd sideways glances, raised eyebrows, and the like. Bring it on.
01:13 AM on 06/12/2012
In California, it is illegal to leave a child under the age of six alone in a car. If a police officer had noticed, you'd have likely been arrested and deservedly so. Also, besides worrying about abduction, there are other reasons not to leave children alone in a car such as an engine fire or the children climbing out of the car into traffic (it is easy to flip the lock button up from the inside). Although I know it isn't always "convenient" to haul all of one's children from the car when making a relatively quick stop, it is not overprotective to in fact do so. A lot of people watch their animals better than they do their children. By the way, the insertion of the Bush slam and the reference that more children are thrown out for being gay are not relevant to the blogger's topic . . . it is fine to have your opinion about paranoid parents being a bigger threat to their children, with which I don't agree, but you weakened your article with your digressions.
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cgarcia29
12:24 AM on 06/12/2012
Yeah, I watched a mother talk it up with her friend in the pool why her no more than 16 month daughter walked around the pool. She almost fell in twice...and even wandered near the deep end. The mother...to wrapped up...didn't even notice. Way to promote independence.

Most kids who lack parental involvement and supervision also have a higher level of criminal activity. You look too young to even have children...let alone be a child psychologist.
12:18 AM on 06/12/2012
This is a conversation I would like to get into, but don't have the time. My siblings & I were always on the go, anywhere but home.
12:13 AM on 06/12/2012
George Bush talked us into giving up our liberties because of "tearists"? Which Presidential administration initiated the genital pat-downs by the TSA? You complain about parents who call the police when they lose track of their kids, yet the police bring down incredible scrutiny on the parent who does not call the police. You complain of paranoid parents, yet we live in a paranoid society that screams for government intervention, government protection, government-guaranteed good parenting. This is not George Bush's fault.
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averagezoe
Don't breed or buy while homeless animals die!
11:27 PM on 06/11/2012
I don't know about today, but basically, I completely agree with you. My daughter grew up in the 80's and 90's and I don't remember ever restricting her activities. When she was a teenager, she'd go off with friends and then call late at night to tell me she wouldn't be home until the next day and frankly, it never worried me much. There were many times when I had no idea where she was and yes, there were times when I worried about her, but all in all, I trusted her judgment. Many of my friends chastised me for giving her too much freedom, but I grew up a virtual prisoner and I wasn't going to subject my kid to that hell. Despite her relaxed and crazy upbringing, my daughter grew into a responsible adult - a PhD scientist who is the most conscientious person I know.
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dionwll4
The cake.The cake was a lie.
10:08 PM on 06/11/2012
Ok well did you ever think that kids are a bit safer because parents are more cautious. You really shouldn't just let your kids wander out and about.We don't live in that kind of society anymore. Things are more publicized than they were then but jails are also more crowded. They have let many people out who probably should have stayed in. Parents should be cautious and give certain amounts of freedom. That amount depends on the parent as no two parents are the same.
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09:41 PM on 06/11/2012
I'm independent politically, but when I see a George Bush insult shoe-horned into an unrelated story, I question the authors self-awareness, and therefore also the author's judgment.
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belldn3
Fascinated by red polish on women
08:10 PM on 06/11/2012
Orgy of bad parents????? There are so many ways to take that. No, I'm not going to do it, moving on.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
get the abusers
07:14 PM on 06/11/2012
I believe some parents appear to have a pariond mindset to induce fear in the family to control ones Environment . Some parents like the Narcisistic parent knows what they are doing.The parents are imposing their own problem on the children ,while some parents purposely create a fear to be the only one to trust and be dependent only on them . They will isolate you from any friends or family. They will have you believing you cant trust a friend or family.
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06:44 PM on 06/11/2012
If I were that child's mother I would be less concerned with the five hour train ride that my son took "unsupervised" and more upset about the fact that he had caused damage to a hotel room and was being sent home from a school trip. I have a feeling this is just a picture of the larger parenting problem - it's never their special snowflake's fault.
05:42 PM on 06/11/2012
I think you find a balance with protection , just as you find one for sugar intake , discipline and guidance. I see a substantial number of parents that could use a litttle more caution . They breed yearly and I have seen many a 3-6 year old roaming the city streets alone. As I said balance is the key word. My children were brought up very independant but with an understanding of social imperfections and sickness. They were made to understand the right to use the word NO for their bodies , the fact that friends do not always the best judgment or have all the answers, strangers amy not have good intent , and family may have failed to understand the meaning of the term, They are well adjusted and have traveled the world alone , It does not mean they are blindsided by what could be. So agian I would say balance. As a parent it was not so easy to let go; but the greatest Mothers day gift I ever received was a card signed by my children it read ; Thank you for encouraging us to be ourselves . To find our own beliefs and authenticity. They were 17 and 19 I thought, I have done my job...