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Jamie Frevele

Jamie Frevele

Posted: October 12, 2010 10:38 PM

It's a bad time right now. The economy is bad, and it's not visibly improving. And even though less jobs have been lost during the Obama administration than the Bush administration, some angry Americans are thinking about voting for Republicans again. Really. Even though they caused the Great Recession in the first place. And, apparently, the gays.

What's really happening is this: We sat down and had a beer with George W. Bush for eight years and now, two years after he left, we have the hangover of a lifetime.

So we counteracted the alcohol with caffeine (aka "change"), the opposite substance to alcohol. Because, as we all learned in D.A.R.E., alcohol is a depressant and caffeine is a stimulant. So simple logic tells us that if you drink caffeine after drinking alcohol, they'll just cancel each other out.
But that doesn't work in real life, so we're still drunk. But people still want change and they have to shake this hangover, so now they're reaching for something stronger. Red Bull, 5-Hour Energy, crack/cocaine, anything that will make them feel less nauseous and sluggish than they do now. (What's your 2:30 feeling like?) The only problem is that when you take those things, you will inevitably crash.

The only thing that can cure a hangover is time. When you're hung over, and you have that piercing headache/gurgling nausea, the closest person to you is going to be the asshole. That asshole who turned on the lights, that asshole whose phone rang way too loud and way too early. But he's not the guy who poured you the drinks. He's the one getting you Tylenol and a glass of water while the real asshole who banged your girlfriend when you were too drunk to notice sneaks out the door.

You have to ride it out. And if you reach for the hair of the dog that bit you, guess what? You're going to get trashed again.

 

Follow Jamie Frevele on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jamielikesthis

 
 
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03:44 PM on 10/14/2010
Both the senate and the house have had Democrat majorities now for three years, 9 months.

Someone ring a bell when the Dems start taking responsibility.
11:31 PM on 10/13/2010
How did the Republicans cause the "Great Recession"? I thought it was the Subprime meltdown that caused the economic downturn. If that is the case, Suprime Mortgages are the Democrats baby. They have championed and facilitated Subprime Mortgages for many years through Fannie and Freddie.
01:35 PM on 10/13/2010
We are experiencing severe Republican hypocrisy just about every day

- They cry about Democrats blocking a few Republican nominees yet block ALL Democratic nominees
- They cry about spending yet refuse to talk about Bush's spending
- They cry about bailouts yet don't talk about Bush's bailout
- They cry about deficits yet don't discuss what Bush created
- They cry about Obama not creating jobs immediately yet told us several years into Bush's terms that his programs take time.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Jdaddy1951
06:40 AM on 10/13/2010
"The girls all look prettier at closing time."

That's a country song about how people end up in bed with unattractive partners. If you're hanging out with drunks and other messed-up thinkers, you're going to end up in bed with one of them. We all know what Bush-Cheney and the other Party of No people did to the country and the economy from 2001-2009. Why would anyone in his or her right mind want to go home with them again? You could pick up their disease, which is just plain stupidity.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Querent
I just had to say that.
03:39 AM on 10/13/2010
That about sums it up.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
situationcritical
SuperMegaUltraUberLiberal
01:14 AM on 10/13/2010
Nice.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
frank day
Republican = FAIL
12:20 AM on 10/13/2010
America as an alcoholic in recovery from Republicans. I can go with that.
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BillZBubb
It's hot in here: I need more fans!
01:06 AM on 10/13/2010
Too bad America is poised for a relapse. I don't think the country has admitted it has a Republican problem yet, so it has to hit bottom before full recovery is possible.
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Kache
Toodlum, wake up, I hear a prowler downstairs
01:40 PM on 10/13/2010
We haven't even gotten to the point of hugging the toilet bowl barfing up Republicans, yet. We will, but only after a few tea poisoned yeahuus get on CSPAN and cause the dizzies to spin out of control.
02:28 AM on 10/14/2010
Don;t worr, the GOP will take us to the very bottom this time, its time to party like its 1929
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Joshy X
observer in Weimar Amerika
11:25 PM on 10/12/2010
hardly... we had 8 years of GOP Prime Rib and people thought they'd try some Thai Chicken in 2008 but it was pretty rancid.... french dip looking good again
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Kache
Toodlum, wake up, I hear a prowler downstairs
12:48 AM on 10/13/2010
And why, from Sept 15 2008, to Jan 20 2009 were we barfing the prime rib up as EVERY SINGLE BANK in the nation became insolvent? 8,000,000 jobs were lost in the last 6 months of Boy George's reign. The prime rib was poisoned, you fool.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ASMom
01:13 AM on 10/13/2010
Sorry, went to fav and accidentally flagged so now you have both.
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BillZBubb
It's hot in here: I need more fans!
12:51 AM on 10/13/2010
Wow, some people are so removed from reality, it is hard to fathom. The GOP "prime rib" ran the financial system into the ground, saddled the country with huge debt, locked us into two interminable wars in the middle east, and let the big money interests wreak havoc.

And for you Repubs, isn't that "Freedom" dip?