Remember Gay People?

10/21/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Jamie Kilstein Stand Up Comic. Cohost of Citizen Radio. Likes Democracy.

Hey everyone. I realize we are in kind of a shit storm right now. I do. And lots of times when I bring up "the gay thing," my cozy straight, liberal, white male friends get mad (to be fair, they have a lot going on: "What do you mean I can't bring guitar hero if I'm backpacking across Europe?!"). Oh, the struggles of being white with rich parents.

So before I move on to what I think is the most important issue facing us as a people, I will run through a quick checklist of other things we should fight for so as to not anger the liberal base which has the tendency to be divided and yelly:

o Out of Iraq and Afghanistan.
o Prosecute private contractors who have been murdery and politicians who got war criminally.
o Health care for all.
o Legalize and tax all drugs while treating addicts like they are sick not criminals.
o Rebuild New Orleans.
o Vote centrist Democrat money-sucking scum whores out of office by backing progressive Democrats or third parties. I.e. "sorry for everything, Ralph Nader."

We live in a country that claims to be the freest in the world. We tell everyone we are the freest in the world. We are so free, in fact, that we bomb our freedom into other parts of the world to make them free. They're still mad at us, but wait until that freedom sets in. I think it's starting to settle in where their homes used to be. You're welcome.

Every politician, from your favorites, like Barack Obama, and Bernie Saunders, to your least favorites, like Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin (sorry, I'm being told they do not have any power; the media just treats them like they do), will say, "America is the greatest country in the world." You won't ever hear a politician say "America -- we're not too bad." Or "America -- Could be worse. " We are always the best.

We claim to be the freest, and the best, yet all of our citizens do not have equal rights. Tell the couple who have been together for 15 years that can't adopt a child that we live in the best country in the world. Tell the soldier who can't call their partner before shipping off to a desert to be shot at that he is free. All he wants to do is hear his loved one's voice and say that he loves his partner more than this fucking war, more than anything, but he's not allowed to. Tell that dude he is free. Do it.

It's sickening that as a country, we sit idly by and watch this. Getting drunk during Pride week doesn't count as activism. Watching Will and Grace doesn't count. This is a battle that has to be fought every day, and we should be screaming ourselves hoarse.

I travel the country doing stand-up and I talk about gay rights a lot, and those bits always do the best. Sure, there will be a crazy person who walks out, but these are the same people that compare Obama to Hitler. Not the ones we should be compromising with. (Side note -- the ghost of Hitler must be furious that he's being compared to a black guy.) But the rest of the room, they're over it. They have gay friends. The rumors have been put to rest. They are ready for this but the politicians are not. Do you think Prop 8 would have passed if Barack Obama gave a powerful speech about equal rights? I hear he's kind of good at that speech giving thing. This should not be a debate.

Here are the arguments in a nutshell:

Pro-gay rights: All citizens should be equal.

Anti-gay rights: A man in the sky will send down his angry son on a horse blah blah something about locust, blah blah, death, dead Jews, pissed-off angels, and a lot of fire.

How can the politicians we vote for give more validity to the horse story than the right of all Americans to be equal?

The side Obama is taking used the same arcane arguments that would have stopped his parents from getting married when these assholes switched out the word "gay" for "interracial."
We are siding with the people who say that being gay is unnatural, and they know this because the Bible says that being gay is unnatural. I've read the Bible and um...there are a lot of unnatural things that occur in that book. I would say that a dude dying...then rising from the dead in a zombie-esque fashion is far less natural than some guy sucking a cock because at least cocksucking you can prove.

I would also like to take a second to examine straight relationships. For example, anti-gay moral leaders like Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, David Vitter, Mark Sanford, [insert Christian moral Republican who cheated on their wives here], Jon and Kate, and the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce. We don't have the best track record in the world, so maybe it's times to let gays take a shot.

This is our civil rights. This is what we will tell our grandkids we fought for. It's time to stop appeasing the crazies. Politicians need to realize that when it comes to discrimination, not all votes are worth pandering for. Stop trying to win over the loons and try convincing the massive amount of people who don't vote to have faith in their government and the first step in doing that is equal rights for all.

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