Trick or Treat or Terrify?

Spoiler alert!

The "Queen Of Scream" is actually the "Queen of Squeam (ish)."

I woke up this morning to the cover of the Los Angeles Times and the moving image of the President of the United States saluting the returning war dead, their young bodies ripped and torn by the bombs in Afghanistan, the real blood and gore that war brings. And then I saw on the cover of the New York Times images of the dos and don'ts of children's Halloween costumes and it made me crazy.

I have often wondered about people's desires to be frightened and freaked out; to me, life is scary enough. But since the beginning of time human beings have been drawn to the macabre. After seeing The Exorcist for my 15th birthday I received the nickname "Dimmy" from the ghost of the priest, Damien's mother calling out to him "Dimmy, (short for Damien) why you do this to me Dimmy?" I was so freaked out that my 1972 Mercury Capri had the vanity plate "Dimmy." Subsequently I have learned that I scare easily and ironically, horror films were my first claim to fame. Go figure.

Being a mother I've had to make the hard choices of what scary images my young children digested. Obviously, many children stories and films prey on the fears of children; dead parents, closet monsters, etc. But with good parental radar I was able to steer clear of certain images and themes.

When I was an actress in the film My Girl, a lovely coming of age story for young girls, the theme of childhood death, in this case Macaulay Culkin, fresh off his meteoric rise in Home Alone, is the young girl's best friend and who dies unexpectedly by his allergic reaction to many bee stings. I was very concerned that the film, which had two smiling kids on the poster, wasn't preparing the parents, myself included, as I had a five-year-old daughter, for this truly shocking death of a childhood idol. I suggested the disclaimer "issues of life and death explored in this film" and lobbied Columbia Pictures to add it but to no avail. The film went on to be very successful and my concerns seemed not to be founded.

In modern media, there are ratings and guidelines and now today websites such as Common Sense Media, which give parents a good overview of what to expect.

As a parent of a thirteen-year-old gamer son who prefers Laurel and Hardy to violent film, I am still constantly debating with him the acceptability of game violence; are robots killing each other acceptable but animated humans killing each other not? If the humans are "T" and the robots "M," where do I stand? It is a struggle. I often get it wrong and my biggest issue as a parent is my waffling and inconsistency. But I am trying.

Halloween, the holiday, is a breeding ground for a seemingly unending gruesome gore fest. Has it always been this way? I don't think so. I remember Halloween as a time to dress up in a costume other than myself. That was what was fun. The fact that my film nemesis, and if you ever see the forgettable Halloween 8, my subsequent murderer, Michael Myers (for the uninformed, he is the one in the gray jumpsuit and white mask brandishing a butcher knife) was, this morning, on the front page of the New York Times being modeled by a six-year-old. A six-year-old. A six-year-old. Are you kidding me? WTF is going on? Are we really so inured to the realities of violence that we think it's cute that six-year-olds are trick or treating as mass murderers? That their best friend is going as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre-er, replete with realistic sounding chainsaw dripping blood.

Often when I am doing a book signing for one of my children's books a young fan will come up with their parents, get their book signed and then (breaking the rules of the book signing) try to slide their well worn DVD of Halloween for me to sign. I look at this young child and ask, "Have you seen this?" and they say, "Yes...and Halloween 2 and Friday the Thirteenth" etc., and I snap a look to their parents, like I'm sure that prick who shouted "liar" was snapped during Obama's address, and glare and say with my eyes, "Are you insane? I really should call Child Protective Services."

We have to stop and ask what are we doing or saying to our children that this level of violence is acceptable for our children. Look at the Los Angeles Times and see our President saluting our fallen soldiers. That is the real violence with real heartbreaking consequences. Real heartache. Real terror. Everyday in Iraq and Afghanistan, real life and death. As I write this I am rethinking our spider display outside our home. Is it too scary for the neighborhood children, many of them young, who walk by our house on their way to the local grade school, a school where I hope they will be taught right from wrong, truth and consequences and that I hope that they will then go home and teach their parents?

Happy Halloween.

 

 

Comments

[kilgore trout]

I completely agree with you, Jamie. There's too much ultra-violence around even the youngest kids now, and I am also frequently appalled at the R-rated graphically violent movies (and games) many parents will expose their very young children to without a second thought, let alone the slasher outfits for 4-6 year olds. I think it all contributes to a culture of increasing violence and cruelty.

[jafsie]

Curtis's remarks about "My Girl" reminded me of when my son was around 8, and I was reading him the award-winning "Bridge to Terabithia" ...I suddenly realized I was in the middle of a paragraph that disclosed the non-existence of Santa Claus, and had to stutter and alter the words so as not to let the cat out of the bag. Then, of course, we got to the part where the boy's best friend drowns in the stream where they played...
When the movie came out, I was very surprised to see that the poster made it look like a magical fantasy adventure about a land of dragons and castles, and gave no warning to parents who hadn't read the book about the serious themes. I saw parents bringing very young children to the theatre, and wondered whether they would regret it later.
Parents have to be careful about making assumptions based on trailers and posters; sometimes they are quite misleading.

[Cookie Monsta]

Let us return to the pastoral days when Saturday afternoon entertainment was packing a picnic lunch to take to the public hanging. That is, if they could get away from their jobs in the mills and factories. When kids saw people born and die in their own home and children often died from sickness. I do not believe that exposing children to fake violence make them any less sensitive, unless no one is telling them it's fake. My 5 year old knows that almost everything she sees on TV is not real and that 100% everything of everything seen on TV has been produced and edited. Too much sheltering of children causes an increase in adjustment issues when they become teenagers and the child safety restraints come off.

[alwaysthere]

mine was filled with fun

happened to be at the mall

left a buch of candy at the front door

was even some left along with some thank you notes..

all i saw was cuteness

[napasonoma]

Jamie, it's halloween. I believe you are over thinking this. Yes, lots of violence in this world, but its root isnt in these "scary" childhood traditions. You know where it is. TV, movies, etc; we have become inured to this. If you want to get a movement started, make it a really serious one.
P.S. Think you're great!

[brady61995]

better late than never jaime you were not thinking that way with the movies you have made thats for sure. yes children are exposed to too much too young. cable was the last straw. the best parent can not stop what children will over hear. see at someone elses house etc.. all parents can do is keep talking to their kids about making good choices and hope for the best.

[cb750]

So women are so strong willed and independent now that they are victimized by their kids? Its Halloween! Does everything have to be turned into a victim fest for attention seeking? If society is becoming more and more progressive then how come people become more and more paranoid with boogie-people in every closet and behind every corner.

Part of this paranoia is the creation of oppressor and oppressed classes. The paranoia is a natural extension of this. If one creates social scapegoats then one will be paranoid of bad people out to victimize them and all things cause victimization; halloween, xmas, quanza.. it doesn't matter.

We have a society today of paranoid people because we raised them as children to all be victims in some way... woman, black, gay... So of course these people grow up scared every person is a pedophile or axe murderer.

Think about this, Ms. Curtis talks about violence in movies but doesn't mention that the vast majority of people killed in movies are men. Men die in more numbers, more brutality and more humiliation than women, even in friday the 13th movies. But do you see little boys all paranoid and scared?

[bimplebean]

"Raised them as Victims?" What are you smoking? Any child -- heck, any PERSON -- will be scared by something scary enough. Why are you trying to inject a ridiculous and discredited political concept into this?

There are plenty of people in this world who weren't 'raised' to be victims -- but they ended up victims anyway -- victims of oppression, of crime, of corruption, of corporate greed or governmental oppression. This 'raised to be victims' mantra is just a clever attempt to tell them to shut up and go away. NO WAY.

The point Ms. Curtis is trying to make is that children should be allowed to remain children for as long as possible. There are aspects of the real, grown-up world that are terrifying enough. There's no need to rush little kids into that.

[itolduso]

I've always loved 'thrillers' , still close my eyes when the scenes are too graphic, but I understand the attraction to scary movies. What I can't understand or condone is the trend of 'cheering on' the bad guys. Or laughing & deriding the victims, as if some people 'deserve' to die - too many take pleasure in their torture. The video games of my day never let me earn points for bashing homeless people.... gave no reward for killing 'real' people... our targets were space monsters, we gobbled up 'dots'. We sang of love or cars or surfing.... not 'bit*hes & 'Ho's and drive-bys. Today, our young people are being 'sold' all kinds of violence & abuse as 'entertainment'. As parents we haven't been doing enough to tell them that when innocent people are hurt or killed - even in a movie, a game, or a song -it's not something to be cheered, to enjoy watching, or to earn 'bonus' points for doing.... it's something to be stopped, to be protested, to be fought against..... what they should do when a 15 year old girl is being gang-raped in front of them.

[lulu]

I am a confused grandparent. My granddaughter, who just turned 19, can sit in front of the TV, playing Grand Theft Auto, that has a red light district. Running over pimps and whores in graphic detail with ease and no emotion seems the norm. But let her see one little spider on the porch and the neighbors think we are being mass murdered in our beds. She has been known to send people to their safe tornado places, thinking that her wails are twister warnings. We (her Mother, Grandfather and I) have raised her with values, morals and manners. Then, for less than $40.00, it's all for naught because "it's just a game". Pardon me, but BULLSHIT!

[mutton]

Grand Theft Auto is a game. The spider is real. When your granddaughter starts running down pimps and whores in real life and still shows no emotion, you may have an argument. But as it stands now, you only have (to use your own phrase) BULLSHIT.

[kilgore trout]

On the other hand, if spiders, insects, and other critters cause you to scream in terror, you really need to put down the game controller and go outside more often. Get some vitamin D.

[TheAlchemist]

You're such a sensible Mom.

http://childrens-place.org

[MaureenSharkey]

I watched Joy Behar the other night-- the one with Eric Roberts on. They are both against spanking children. The minister that was also on took the position that spanking kids out of love was good for them. Joy and Eric were saying that if a child it terrorized in the home, he lives with terror always. And that the way to world peace is thru a peaceful childhood.

Naturally the world is full of horror before man gets his hands on it. So how much should a child experience? Kids do get a kick out of getting scared by something bigger than them chasing them around.

Perspective. I guess that's it. Teach kids perspective. And if you do ever hit them when your patience has run thin, apologize.

[bimplebean]

Agreed. If parents spank children, that teaches the children that a violent reaction is an acceptable solution and that the big and strong are justified in hitting the small and weak to achieve a desired outcome. On the other hand, finding a nonviolent way to discipline them will teach thoughtfulness, intelligence, patience, kindness and love.

Children don't learn so much from what you say as what you DO.

[ChuckWhite]

Ms. Curtis,

I'm an avid admirer, so when I see your name mentioned, I usually read the article.

Recenlty, I read on PhysOrg.com, that you are testing a Toyota (?) powered by a hydrogen fuel cell.

Please, please ... would you, contract obligations allowing, write a road test of this car. After all, it could the future of our transportation.

... hope you read this.

[pharper]

Entertainment is what it is. Halloween is scary when you go to a haunted house. Halloween is a fun scary time. Our children when told responsibly the difference between entertainment and real life can prepare children for the bad and good in life. Also how to not take things too seriously when having fun. After all, that is all halloween is, is having fun.It truly is all in the process of raising your kids. It's not what you kids watch or hear it's the truth that you allow them to see and the fun you allow them to have. Trust me they are going to see it with you or without you.

[kilgore trout]

While I understand your point, are you really suggesting that parents should not provide ANY controls on what even small children are exposed to in movies, TV, games, etc.? - based on the belief that they'll see it anyway?

[Danlantic]

This reminds me of 2 other performers.

Eminem, speaking as the parent of several children, said that his music should be restricted to adults.

Jet Li, speaking as a devout Buddhist, also warned that some of his films were too violent for children.

And speaking as a fan, the horror actor who freaked me the most as a child was James Arness. That's right, James Arness as The Thing from Another World.

[ECBA88]

Eminem knows his stuff, and doesn't get enough credit for what a stand-up guy he is. My parents wouldn't buy me his CD's when I asked at 15, because they said they didn't approve of the morality that (they had head) he expressed in them, but allowed me to purchase them with my own money if I so chose. I downloaded a few songs, decided there was nothing that good, and moved on. Last spring, at 21, I started picking up his music again, including the newest album, and appreciating the talent at work behind the sometimes overpowering drugs/sex/violence shock motif. The man has a real gift for witty comedy (just lose it, without me, shake that), dark songs that are still hard to listen to for their honesty (stan, deja vu), and even the occasional inspiring message (seriously, check out Mosh and Mockingbird). People rarely take the time to give him a chance, and I wish they would. I got a lot more out of the music at 21 than I did at 15, because it actually is meant for adults.

[mergina]

Ah if it were only a perfect world. I have a strong feeling that by the time a child that is born today comes of age as a adult, they are going to be in one hell of a fight for their very survival, and if not them, certainly their children will be. The direction this planet is heading, with it horrible overpopulation, ongoing destruction of the delicate balance needed to keep in place the forces needed for our very survival, are going to test humanity like never before, and that is indeed something beyond scary. A colleague of mine commented that he was glad he was retirement age almost, on his way out so to speak, and would not be around to have to deal with all of that. But, being a firm believer in reincarnation, that thought scared me, REALLY SCARED ME. What if I come back right in the middle of the worst of it? There is nothing more horrible and scary than what we see happening in the news every day. Movies are simply a reflection of that horror. Perhaps showing a young child those horrors might just be a good learning tool for the horrors humanity has yet to face that will affect each and every one of us.