Ho-Ho-Hold Everything

It's about time a corporation took a stand to prevent December's annual wounding of women.

If only it had been an American company, rather than an Aussie one.

In Sydney, Australia, recruitment firm Westaff -- which supplies hundreds of Santas across the country -- has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase could...be derogatory to women." As the result, Santas Down Under have to say, "Ha ha ha".

This is not merely "Yet another case of Political Correctness," as so many commentators claim. I say HOgate doesn't go far enough.

Years B.I. (Before Imus) I was hip to these other insidious examples of H.P. (Ho Penetration) in American culture:

- In 1935 John Wayne starred in a movie called Westward Ho, allegedly about a wagon train heading, uh, west. So a single young lady wants to take a trip. Is that a crime?

- The Seven Dwarves have been dissing women for 70 years with all their "Hi-Ho"ing. They might as well sing, "Hey, Beeotch." I mean, how does Snow White (can we even use her full name these days?) put up with that, yo?

- Don Ho's relatives should say "Mahalo" that the Hawaiian icon and singer of "Tiny Bubbles" died before this became an international movement. All his records should be leid at the bottom of a beach bonfire.

- One look at the name explains why hardly any black people live in Ho-Ho-Kus, a wealthy town in northern New Jersey. But what about the female residents? Women of Ho-Ho-Kus...rise up!

- This one will leave a bitter taste in your mouth. The Hostess Company makes Ho Hos, those yummy frosted, cream-filled chocolate cakes. Are you kidding me? These need to be yanked from store shelves tainted-Tylenol style. How are the Reverends Jesse and Al and Coach Vivian Stringer not camping out at the factory???

- Ditto for Ho Sports, maker of water sports equipment. Insert swimming stereotype here.

- Do hip-hop radio DJs call November "HOvember" a la "Rocktober"? If so, they need to quit that shit, dawg.

This Christmas, let's give 'em all the heave ho.