Penmanslip

I attended a couple's baby shower on Sunday. But that's not why I'm blogging.

Today I sat down to compose a "thank you" note to the couple who hosted the event. I considered blowing off this traditional act of etiquette. I mean, who even mails those anymore? But then I instantly felt my mother's fingernails digging into the back of my neck. People think I'm polite for acknowledging their hosting duties. Not at all. I'm simply still scared of my mommy.

Anyways, I pulled out my good stationery and began to handwrite the letter. The pen felt clumsy in my hand, as though I was trying to write lefty. I misspelled three words in the first sentence; not because I goofed on the correct letter order, but because my hand refused to do what I wanted it to do. I balled up the paper. Two new paragraphs later, that sheet had joined its brother in the bin. Visions of Greg Brady's bedroom filled my head.

Thankfully, I managed to complete my third attempt. With a grunt of accomplishment, I re-read my work. That is, I tried to decipher my work. I gasped in horror. "Illegible" fails to capture the carnage. A Bobblehead Doll could've produced neater script after a few Red Bulls.

What the hell happened to the quality penmanship that once earned me "1's" on grammar school report cards???

Maybe I'm alone in my need for the gray practice paper with the fat dotted-line indicating the upper limit for lower case letters. Or has our constant typing of emails and text messages rendered the physical act of writing obsolete?

Last month, I took a break from a ski trip to phone interview with a TV producer regarding my possibly hosting a project he's developing. Three times during our call he referenced a hit show on the Travel Channel. I'd never heard of the program, so I wrote down and underlined the title on The Westin's notepad.

When I returned home a few days later, I remembered the producer's comments about the other show. I pulled out the notepad to get the title so I could watch it on-line. Manifold. What the hell is "Manifold?" I wracked my brain. I googled. Nada. Too embarrassed to call the guy and ask, "Uh...do you have any idea what Manifold means?" I just let the topic slide and hoped it wouldn't bite me in the ass.

We scheduled another call for Thursday March 12th. Wednesday night he sent me an email. "I strongly suggest you check out a few episodes of MAN v. FOOD prior to our call..."

I pulled out the hotel notepad again. Held it close to my eyes. Under no circumstances would any English-speaking person read, "MAN v. FOOD."

In spite of my missteps, I got the pilot! Tomorrow I need to write the casting director a "thank you" note.

I mean, type her a note.

Comments

[KateGladstone]

As a handwriting instructio­n/remediat­ion specialist, I work with quite a lot of folks whose formerly good-looking penmanship has slipped into scribble under actual use!

For example, at the hospital classes I run for doctors, sometimes MDs have actually brought to class the handwriting medals and certificates they'd won as children. They have shown me these, and demanded to know what happened!

To understand what happened (to the doctors and to you), face the fact that our current printed and cursive handwriting styles have such poor design that they actually do tend to fall apart during use (in most people's hands, at least). Research shows that the fastest and most legible handwriters -- the lucky folks whose handwriting remains handwriting instead of turning into "penman-slip" -- tend to avoid "pure" cursive and "pure" printing too.

Highest-speed highest-legibility handwriters tend to use print-like, not cursive, shapes of those letters whose printed and cursive shapes disagree -- more startling yet, highest-speed highest-legibility handwriters join only some, not all, letters as they write: making just the easiest joins and skipping the rest. In other words -- to keep your writing legible at high speed, you probably have to do some things that your teachers (and quite possibly your mommy) would have sternly disapproved on thank-you notes and other writing tasks.

Kate Gladstone
Founder and CEO, Handwriting Repair/Handwriting That Works
Director, the World Handwriting Contest
http://www.HandwritingThatWorks.com