When you go on as many dates as I do, you start to notice some trends of the types of men who frequent the digital date-osphere. After a slew of less than memorable dates over the last few weeks, I felt inspired to put pen to paper to write out some of the #trending personalities of the online male dater. Here goes:
Mr. Needy- You've never been on an actual date yet he texts you on the reg. Hey. How's your day? What are you up to? The sad reality of Mr. Needy is that the more he pesters you, the less inclined you are to go out with him. Nine times out of ten, Mr. Needy gets the silent treatment after a few days of this incessant badgering.
Mr. Sketchy- He looks too good in his pictures to be a real human being. When you press him a bit, trying to verify that he's not some guy who's taking pictures of models off the internet and using them as his profile pics, he gets oddly evasive. When he finally sends you a naughty pic in the wee hours of the morning, it's time to shut it down.
Mr. Nice Guy- His story is a sad one. He's too nice for his own good. Too available. Too caring. Too malleable. Just too damn nice. And while I'm definitely not advocating the 'Nice Guys Finish Last' mentality, a little backbone goes a long way.
Mr. Self Importance- Call me old fashioned but I think that for a first date, the guy should always travel to the girl. Or at the very least, meet in the middle. Mr. Self Importance not only wants the girl to come to him, he also throws out last minute avails and expects you to drop everything you're doing to come hang out with him. In the words of Cher, 'As If'!
Mr. Unavailable-This one is a real mind boggler. Why would you match with a girl online, exchange numbers, be willing to text with her but when it comes time to set up a date, literally NEVER BE FREE. Come on brah, don't waste my time!
Mr. Your Parents Will Love Him- Every girl's been there. She meets a guy who looks too damn good on paper to not at least go on a date with. So you do. And he's handsome, has a good job, comes from a nice family, blah blah blah. But there's no chemistry. You date him anyway for a month or two or three only to realize that you have pretty much nothing in common. Looking good on paper just doesn't cut it in IRL.
Mr. Adult Baby-Mr. Adult Baby doesn't want to grow up. He tries to transform every woman he dates into his surrogate mother in the hope that she'll cook for him, clean for him and generally dote on him. Mr. Adult Baby is also likely unemployed and flitting from job to job, partying 'til the wee hours of the morning (even during the week) and has no real inclination towards developing anything serious. He just wants to stay a kid forever. Come across one of these and I strongly suggest running in the opposite direction.
Mr. Anti-Relationship-These guys are the worst, hands down. A rare hybrid of the Adult Baby, Mr. Unavailable AND Mr. Self Importance, these are the guys who are willing to 'Hang Out' as long as it's in a group with five of their best bros, are miraculously only available to grab drinks at midnight on a Saturday night, and wait ten hours to respond to every text. They refuse to date one girl at a time, under the belief that there's always someone better out there and even if they were to meet a girl who checked all their boxes, they'd still refuse to settle down because 'they're just not really looking for anything serious.'
Mr. Urban Hippy- He lives in Brooklyn, wears skinny jeans and shares many of the same qualities as the yuccie. He hates working for the man but loves cold brew coffee and organic fruit from Whole Foods far too much to not require his biweekly corporate paycheck. He loves yoga, early morning dance parties and Burning Man almost as much as he loves himself but it's his views on open relationships and polyamory that are usually the final straw.
Ladies, please tell me if I've missed any key players in the dating game. Men, I'd love for you to all prove me wrong.