Christine's Adventures: A Mad Tea Party in Wonderland

by Jamie Stiehm (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

Down, down, down a Fox News hole Christine O'Donnell of Delaware went, a passage that turned into a long dark fall. On this autumn day of the unpredictable adventure that was her life, Christine planned to visit the land of Oz -- not so much to see Dorothy. But there was a witch or two she wished to look up from her dabbling days.

Alas, it was not to be. As Christine hit the ground and brushed the dry leaves from her face, she faced the fact her adventure led to Wonderland instead of Oz. The empty jar of orange marmalade on the way was the giveaway.

Alice was taking the day off and so Christine was elected to take her place as guest of honor in Wonderland. The White Rabbit, Mock Turtle, the Cheshire-Cat and especially the Queen wanted to get a good look at the American who presumed to speak their language so well.

"I'm you," Christine greeted the Caterpillar's languid query and everyone else she happened to meet as she walked along. "How do you do?"

This worked wonders in making friends with all the new characters except the Hatter. He was a bit cross because he had been told by the Queen, Sarah herself, to throw a surprise tea party for Christine. English hospitality at its finest, but the host could not conceal how truly mad he was.

"So you're the little upstart who breached the well-built Castle," he said to his visitor as he opened the door to his large house. "If you please, we'll talk no more nonsense in here."

Christine followed the Hattter out to the garden, under a tree, where the scene became curiouser and curiouser. The tea party had already begun.

"Oh my God, Sharron, Marco, Joe, Ken, Rand, Mike, what are you doing here?" Christine said. "My fellow Americans!"

"We're all in this Fox-hole together," the band of Americans said in unison. "There's a lot of anger out there and that's why we're here."

The Hatter silently poured Christine a cup of Earl Grey with lemon, steaming with repressed rudeness. He was thinking this was the strangest gathering he was ever at in all his life in Wonderland.

"You see, we're the Tea Party," Christine explained. "So this is just so perfect, perfect, perfect. Totally inspirational to be with."

"Guys, we've got to go," Rand said, taking a watch out of his waistcoat-pocket. "The Queen invited us for croquet."

Said Christine: "The party's just getting started."