What is this thing called love?
This funny thing called love
Just who can solve its mystery
Why should it make a fool of me?
That's why I ask the lord in heaven above
What is this thing called love?
Quick. Take a guess as to how many hits a Google search on love produces. Try 1.7 billion. That's a lot, and ten times more than the number of hits on hate. An Amazon search yields 2.4 million titles. I guess that answers Tina Turner's question, "What's love got to do with it?" and validates the Beatles' observation that "all you need is love." But it still leaves us with Cole Porter's lament, "What is this thing called love?"
One word. Four letters. 1.7 billion Internet references. The dictionary isn't very helpful, either, offering, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; and sexual passion or desire." At least the Greeks had three words for it: eros (sexual love), agape (love of God) and philos (love of family or things).
But we only have one. And what a word it is. In my last blog, I made the case for love being a verb. Showing action. I also have said it is the glue that holds civil society together and is the spark of the divine within us all. I have also shared that whatever the question love is the answer.
I used to be at war with myself as well as a stranger to self-love. But over the years, I have learned the real power of loving. Even so, I still watch and learn when unconditional love and acceptance gets clouded with demands, expectations, distorted thinking, judgments and blaming. Fortunately, I have a canary for my coalmine called chaotic eating. This little bird tells me when I am either in loving and acceptance or not. As soon as I see the warning, I work to take action and return to the loving so that I am again in alignment. When I do this, lo and behold, the chaos subsides.
For me, then, this thing called love begins inside, and as long as I keep the love light burning for me, I can openly express my love outside for others, whether is be eros, philos or agape. The opposite is also true. When I don't feel the love for myself, I find it more and more difficult to move into acceptance. My patience wears thin, my petty tyrant returns to press my buttons and even my parking fairy fails me when I go to Starbucks or Trader Joe's. Seriously though, I know from experience that if I take responsibility and care for my loving and share my loving with others, it has the potential to transform.
I would like to hear from you about what you think love is and how by applying it we can solve some of the difficulties we are facing both personally and as a nation right now.
Mia Rose
http://www.healinglovenotes.com
I cannot argue with something that has worked successfully for you for a 40 year relationship however. And I have read in various books that men do like and love women for 'how they makes them feel about themselves'. This doesn't seem like true love to me, but rather a touch (or more than a touch) of manipulation. But perhaps this is just how things are in the psychology and practicality of love relationships between spouses.
Wow! And I thought my wife and I were happy... bummer.
I could defend my position, but there is no need; this is not a matter of being right or wrong, besides, your opinion of my marriage dynamics is of little interest, your insults notwithstanding.
Also, I believe it a bit presumptuous of you to assume the way my wife makes me feel is not the result of her characteristics: Her smile, considerate nature, love of animals, the way she argues with me (she wins a lot), her joy of finding a new plant as we walk in the woods (we garden together), loving me and our kids as she does, her happiness, and a lot of other "characteristics". It just sounded more romantic to say it as I did, rather than, "Because of your personal characteristics."
And by the way, you apparently misread my first post. I did not say I love her because of the way she makes me feel about myself, but because of the way she makes me feel... period. Additionally, I don't know about books you have read, but I would find it odd if anyone loved another who did not make them feel wonderful in a variety of ways.
Please remember, making judgments about people when you don't have all the facts, or your facts are wrong, normally leads to making errors and fomenting confusion... sort of like in you last two sentences.
Wishing you the best,
Lawson
Love does body good, pay it forward
"Bouncing Back Now" stated below, there were two types of love, self love and loving others, ("stuff love" is another story). Some think they are different, but, I believe they are remarkably similar.
When newly married, my young wife asked the question so many seem to ask: "Honey, why do you love me?" This is one of those moments guys dread: wrong answer equals "bad!" But, for some reason the gods of punishment were on a field trip, and the gods of Happy Days are Here Again stayed home. I said the simple, but heart-felt words, "Because of the way you make me feel!"... it was not bad.
I am in love with her for these simple and powerful reasons: emotional, physical, intellectual... it is how she makes me feel that does it. I show my love (the verb thing) so she can feel the same way toward me: It makes sharing better and complete... has for 40 years.
Self love is the same. The way I feel about me is directly related to how I make myself feel. Sounds a little circular, but it works. What I do: my efforts, accomplishments, behaviors, mistakes, recoveries, what I've become and will in the future, all combine so that when I reflect on how I feel about them, I can "love" myself. Not in a pathological sense, but in the healthy self-esteem building way available to everyone.
In love x 2,
Lawson Meadows
what is this thing called love? my goodness - I finally realised a few years ago that I didn't have it for myself so my life was hell though only I knew it. Castigate, berate that sort of thing was the order of the day and that inward bombing didn't invite positivity.
In 2006 and 2007 I practised the Value of LOVE every single day, in every situation no matter what and those two years changed me and the way I see people in a profound way. I was 46.
I grew up in a loveless, uncaring household and never believed that love existed and I wanted to know what it was.
In 2010 I'm practising Compassion and the knocks I'm experiencing make it a perfect practise!
The recipe is to reconnect with the heart of one's Being every single day = I AM. Then you can accept the other in their crappiness and divinity, get pissed off and move on.
The fact that you allow yourself to feel what you feel and accept that that is okay is huge. And I wish that for us all. That's love right there!
Of course, a good hug and squeeze, a smile, really listening to someone for 5 minutes go a long way too ;)
Meditate, reconnect with your physical body, smile at your inner spacious cathedral and let it gradually light up the outer edifice is a perfect way to start each day.
LUVley article
Cheers
Catherine
I get my reminder of how I'm acceptable and loved from my Christian faith. It is not a feeling. It is just believing and accepting that I'm okay in God's eyes, warts and all, because of His good grace. Other people can get their reminders from wherever. All I know is somehow the love has to start from there -- inside -- like you said.
Self-love in part is about withholding harmful judgments. We often are much too hard on ourselves. Sure some of this behavior comes directly from our parents - but why on earth are we still doing it now? Self-love is acceptance of yourself as you are with all of your wonderful gifts - and all the rest. Self-love is making the best of what you've been given.
Loving another follows along the same lines. When we see our mate we light up because we recognize the inherent goodness in them. They make us happy and we shower them with love. It is acceptance, it is desire, it is kindness, it is tenderness, it is caring. Love is opening our hearts to let someone special in. Love involves taking the risks because the benefits are very precious indeed.
http://www.BouncingBackNow.com
There are two ways I know of to start the process of recognizing love. The first is to begin appreciating even the smallest things in your life. Start with appreciating that you are able to read and write or that you have fingers to type. Maka a list of everything you appreciate, every day and watch you love muscle be exercised.
The second thing is to go out and help someone else who is less fortunate than yourself. You'd be surprise how much being of service to someone else opens the heart.
I've used both of these tools and they work.
sending loving your way,
Jan