In Defense of Facebook's Hated "25 Random Things" Writers

In the last couple of days, I've read more negative rants about Facebook's 25 Random Things About Me meme than I've read actual lists of 25 things. Writers from the New York Times and Time Magazine jumped on the anti-list bandwagon, as did writers like Tod Goldberg, who spared no vitriol in his version of the meme, 25 Random Things I Hate About Fucktards On Facebook I Don't Know In The Least But Who, Nonetheless, Are My Friends. Judging by the comments on Goldberg's site, and the number of anti-25 Things diatribes that are now being posted on Facebook, it would seem that many people agree: List writers are fucktards. Or, as the New York Times more dramatically stated, "A chain-letter-cum-literary exercise called '25 Random Things About Me' is threatening to consume what little remaining free time and privacy we have."

Apparently, some people take their social media a little too seriously, likening it to an unpleasant necessity, like watching American Idol or taking out the trash. They seem to forget that things like Facebook are voluntary and filled with choices -- like who you choose to include as friends, and whose notes you choose to read. It's not as if 25 Things lists pop up out of cyber-space and grab you in a choke hold until you're forced to know who likes whitey-tighties and who likes to dress in drag as Madeline Albright on Friday nights. No, in order to read those personal tidbits, readers have to click on a link.

I'm not fond of memes, but I don't fear that they're going to "consume" my private life or enslave my being. I think it's ridiculous that the subject of social media irritants even makes the news in major publications. Then again, I also think it's weird that photographers fall all over each other to snap Donatella Versace's bikini-clad body or Britney's every gas station outing. I think it's so freaky that I don't buy those rags -- but I totally admit to being a supermarket aisle voyeur. And people who take issue with Facebook's 25 Things should admit that the only reason they're irritated with the lists is not because they exist, but because they couldn't resist the urge to read them.

Maybe they felt ripped off when they learned that some of their internet friends were boring, un-gifted, pathetic, or perverse. Maybe, like Tod Goldberg, they were surprised to learn that the people who liked them, and sent them friendship requests, weren't necessarily the smartest or brightest people on the internet.

"I hate that sometimes I read your updates and think, Man, if this person is a fan of mine, I need to stop writing books. Because apparently only complete fucktards read my books." - Tod Goldberg

It seems like the quest for Internet popularity often works against common sense. The ability to have thousands of "friends" on Facebook (or followers on Twitter) gives the illusion of interest, often without any interest at all, or at least not the kind that is mutual. Public figures like Goldberg may use Facebook or Twitter as a way to keep fans in the loop, but more commonly, social sites are just that -- social. People generally join to communicate, share their thoughts and work, and learn about others with similar interests. Others, of course, join hoping to cross-sell their business or blogs by gathering as many Internet friends or followers as they can, wanting nothing more than their links to be spread by Facebook sharing, or Twitter "re-tweets". These are the people that tend to complain the most. They have no interest in the lives or projects of others, but will send out and accept droves of friendship requests in order to bolster that bottom line number that indicates popularity.

It's amusing to me that the list writers have been called narcissistic or self-obsessed for sharing some odd facts of their lives in a voluntary forum. It would seem to me that the most narcissistic people aren't those who wrote the lists, but those who damned them. It reminds me of the Marlon Brando quote -- "An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening." So in defense of the list writers who wrote their 25 Things in the spirit of sharing or friendship, I offer my list of Five Reminders for Snarky, Pompous, and Overzealous Facebook Users:

1. Facebook is voluntary. I think that bears repeating.
2. You don't have to friend everyone who asks.
3. You can de-friend anyone who bores, annoys, or doesn't interest you.
4. If you only want a fan page, get one.
5. If you don't want to read something, don't click the link.

And if you ever really feel that Facebook is "threatening to consume what little remaining free time and privacy" you have, it might be time to shut off the computer and write a list of 25 reasons you've gotten totally ridiculous.

Comments

[Matt Hebert]

I completely agree that too many people complain about silly thing on Facebook like the "25 Things" list. People do forget that everything you do on Facebook is voluntary, and for some reason feel an obligation to do these things.
That being said, the Facebook "atmosphere" if you will, is much more personal for students. Those who you friend and those who friend you are pretty close to you in general. In other words, you see these people every day, and it is socially more difficult to deny someone as a friend, or block them. If there is some kid who you don't really want to talk to online, chances are, this kid is a real jerk, or something along those lines. So when this kid asks why you have disappeared off of Facebook during first period class, you can only imagine how well he/she takes it when you tell them "I blocked you from my account."

[Adele Stan - Huffpost Blogger]

I just posted the link to Jane's piece on my Facebook page. That said, I got tagged for "25 things" by two people last week, and still haven't done it -- and may not. I hate being told what to do -- even by my "friends"!

[Michelle Haimoff - Huffpost Blogger]

It was disappointing to read a Pulitzer Prize winning writer disparage the writing exercise (Amy Harmon on NYTimes.com). I would think that a professional writer, of all people, would value the human inclination to communicate.

[SaulGood]

great post. i have found the list quite insightful - after both reading them and doing one. and since then i've done the one-word questionnaire, the first born one, and the senior year of high school one. lol

[VicksieDo]

Amen Jane, I totally agree with your post!

[tashekor]

I thought it was stupid. Then I did it. People seemed to like it. I had fun doing it. Big deal.

[polly14]

You're absolutely right! If these columnists aren't interested in their friends, then why join FB to begin with? Personally, I think the lists are fun and I enjoy reading about my friends, but then again everyone on my friend list is someone I know and sincerely like. And frankly, what's wrong with a little narcissism now and then? After all, the whole point of a site like FB is self-expression and some self-important columnists (who are, ironically, the real narcissists here) seem to forget that there is such a thing as healthy narcissism. And as you said, if you don't want to read the lists then don't. It's as simple as that.

[LMPE]

Two of my Facebook friends tagged me on lists. I created lists but couldn't figure out how to tag anyone! Is it because I only have 22 friends?

[nefariouschafe]

Well put.

I'll admit I was annoyed at first to read the banal quirks of long-forgotten coworkers and people I once met at a party. And the idiotic cut & paste instructions felt like they were written by Laura Bush herself.

But then a few of my friends posted lists that were illuminating and entertaining. Following their lead I did my best to also elevate the form. I had fun putting the list together and people seemed to get a kick of out it.

Harmless and occasionally interesting. That's all those lists are. Like you said, if you got a problem with that...then log off.

[donnafaber8]

Yay, Jane! You tell it like it is, girlfriend! And, by the way, I know someone who cross dresses like Madeline Albright on Friday nights ... just kidding. That was a good one.

Take care!

D~