Lessons Learned from Michael Jackson
Less than 24 hours since the news broke announcing the death of 50 year old Michael Jackson, and many of my clients are expressing all kinds of emotions connected to him. Michael embodied trauma and his actions reflected an inner structure based on compartmentalization and dissociation. The abuse he experienced as a youngster, left him crippled, unable to speak his truth directly and instead live a life committed to constantly changing his appearance. His external image spoke volumes of a person who needed to mask his true self and construct a fake one.
Why does a person grow up compelled to disguise themselves with plastic textures of a false persona? The shame and abuse incurred in his early life were met with a deep drive to not be who he truly was. Instead he needed to reinvent a new self over and over again. A fake self, one that he hoped would bring about love and admiration.
No matter how loved he was by his fans or how successful he was financially, the wounds of his past never disappeared. Of course not, they don't disappear. When we run from them and cover them up with furs or jewels, standing ovations or Grammy awards, they just get more deeply buried; that much more hidden, never seeing the light of day to actually heal.
Last night one client talked about finding connection in Michael Jackson's music, identifying with his lyrics that brilliantly express living within a terrified soul, imprinted with the mark of others evilness. Today, another, the child of a Holocaust survivor, talked of how she couldn't stop thinking about the parallels of Jackson's trauma to her own father's trauma. How like him, her father never could acknowledge or accept the realities of the horrors in his own life and deal with his sense of being horrible (in his case, for having survived when others died).
Over the weekend when I hear Jackson's familiar music played, I will not only think about where I was when I first heard a particular song or who I danced with when moving to his rhythms, but I will also be thinking about a young boy who never felt safe enough to be real, who never felt secure enough to not run, and who never felt courageous enough to speak his truth. I will think about the number of lives harmed because of his need to reenact his own childhood exploitations. And I will think about how we can learn from his example -- of what not to do -- of how to have more courage to be real and expose the atrocities done to us in order to free ourselves from ongoing oppression.
Below I have included some of the lyrics from two of my favorite Michael Jackson songs -- "Thriller" and "Beat It." I see lots of pain and trauma deep within his lines. See what you think...
Thriller:
It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight
Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life
They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see
That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!
(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
Beat It:
They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can
Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man
You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can
So Beat It, Just Beat It
You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared
You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare
They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You,
Then They'll Tell You It's Fair
So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad
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The number one lesson is don't reject yourself. The number one question is, what does society due to people that makes them reject themselves.
Society tells you are ugly, you have no history, you are worthless, you are inferior...come on you know the script. The question is have the messages and messengers of hate died or are they still being whispered and whispering (respectively) in this melting pot culture? It was telling (to me) after the election, when I saw interviews of brown children expressing their view that now they could achieve anything they wanted because Barack Obama was president. I wondered what they thought their prospects were before that monumental event. If you cannot self-validate, then yes LordMoon, it can be difficult going, because the larger community may not be willing enough, evolved enough, or well enough from their own sickness to offer encouragement. Death of spirit is worse than death itself. Many lives have been killed by indoctrination to a society that rejected them at every turn. Which is fine (has to be -- acceptance negates worry and stress) except for all the pretending. The damage to spirit lingers through legislation and time. It is going to take more time to heal wounds suffered long ago. People may have put a time limit on healing (we gave you the vote and a job now shut up), but healing from true suffering knows not time, only the moment of sweet transcendence. In such a moment, where you realize the beauty and power of self, beyond hate soaked stereotypes and ridicule, the world changes. Love yourself -- yes, that is excellent advice.
...advice that my brother Michael may not have heeded enough. But then, who can blame him -- given the filter he came to know himself through...It's a wonder to me he made it to fifty if you look at all he had to deal with in identifying his true self so that he could love his "true" self.
My brother is free now and I am happy for him. That has become my meditation concerning the spirit of this talented young man who left us...Here is the kicker, I do not separate Michael Jackson dying from any other -- that's how much I love myself. We all will face the moment and idol worship and fanaticism has no place in the serious business of life and death (for me anyway).
Very well put Ms. Shure. I had not thought in these terms. But I wondered whether MJ was as much exploiting the racial sensitivities of others as he was suffering from his own insecurities. It seems that lots of high achievers are driven by insecurity. Your piece also helped me examine my own insecurities. Thanks.
It is glaringly obvious what is omitted from this article and many others. The American racism that factored into his self-esteem lack. Wanting to be loved and never feeling loved seems rather loaded coming from a kid growing up so soon after Jim Crow. I'm sure his family loved him and in many ways, he knew it, but they were required to.
There are some black people who will confess to wanting to be white when they were kids. Toni Morrison wrote a haunting novel called "The Bluest Eye" about an 11 year old black girl who thought if she had blue eyes, everyone would love her and stop abusing her. In the end, she lost her mind and actually believed she had been given blue eyes and she saw them when she looked in the mirror.
I could write 2000 words and still not have enough space to break down my complete take on MJ, from a GenX child POV, from a black American perspective, you name it. There is no way to describe the complexities of the insanity racism causes and all the things that added up to ruin MJ in just one post. It takes a novel.
Amen and then some. A novel as preface to the issues here before us.
I have always been proud as an American of what he accomplished - he has to be recognized as a genius of our culture. At the same time I have been filled with shame with what happened to Michael in his life coming out of our big problem of race.
Envy is a part of human nature and not a good part
Envy of those who surrounded him was in my opinion what killed him.
What of societies role in this tragedy? Surely Michael Jackson grew up during a time when the society deemed him unworthy. If he developed deep psychological issues, they more than likely are linked to the conditions of his childhood. I am sure his parents are hurting right now as I write this comment. How much are the racist and bigots of the past to blame? How much responsibility rests at their feet? Of course each individual is responsible for their personal response to life, so no doubt...the onus was on the sick brother to heal himself. In a sick world I suppose that is very difficult work indeed. Who do you trust when bloody fangs and claws are all around trying to get their cut of the golden pie due to warped self-interest. Look at the maggots swarm already -- and he just died. I appreciate your analysis Mrs. Shure, but I felt you presented an incomplete picture and missed an opportunity with such an elevated voice to raise a larger question. What of the role society plays in injuring the spirit and trajectory of a life? Are we ready to tackle that huge issue of how we treat one another? What is the psychosis or psychoneurosis behind hate that seeks to minimize to such a degree it injures humanity -- it cuts genius short? Look at the costs! Perhaps this loss may cause a closer examination of that question and derivation of an honest approach to resolution.
Another example of the same question is what was the role of society (reports of bullying at school) in the tragic case of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Again, they were responsible for their actions, but in order to get beyond the hollowness that thought fosters (simply saying Michael Jackson contributed to his own death does little for me), what can a society do towards nurturing its aggregate citizenry to minimize if not eliminate -- tortured souls...or, is the position the GOP position?. Society has no role in individual affairs...you are on your own for treatment but society may contribute for root cause and then deny, deny, deny...
Rocks thrown into pools of life do create ripples. Those who throw rocks should take note. There are tremndous costs for neglect.
Thank you for this article, it was very touching. I have been trying to come to terms with M.J's death. I am bewildered, sunned, sad, but now with your article, i am finally able to cry. Such a tragedy, Michael was just a lost boy who was denied the opportunities to be a kid. He became insecure and yearned his whole life for his father's love which he never got. The Rabbi who was his spiritual teacher attested as much. He said MJ just wanted his father to love him, but instead he abused him. My heart is so full of sadness and pain for him. He spent his life longing for something he could not have. The love of his fans and his success could not feel that void inside him. Oh Michael, God be with you, and give you the love and peace you so long for. May He Bless your heart.
First, it's "Fewer than 24 hours..." not "Less."
Second:
You did not know Michael Jackson.
He did not know you.
Perhaps you spent money and time on "him." No better or worse than the myriad of things we spend our money and our time on.
No reasonable person can doubt his ability to entertain a significant segment of those who enjoy being entertained.
Nor can any reasonable person doubt that he made many choices that turned out poorly and/or led him to this untimely death.
Now he's dead. And you're not.
Personally, I'll save my tears and even post-death hyperbole for family, friends...people I actually know well. I am sad when I read about anyone's demise; however, I'd hate to think I measured my childhood's value by a woman whom at the time was best known for nipple bumps on a poster or boy who happened to perform well.
I politely suggest you get on with your life, too.
First: It’s “a boy who happened to perform well.” You missed an article.
Second: What is your point in admonishing Dr. Shure, or by extension, any of the subsequent respondents? Rather than a tmz or perezhilton item canonizing or demonizing Mr. Jackson, Dr. Shure’s post was about the introspection and empathy her patients expressed about Mr. Jackson’s sudden death. As a psychotherapist and invited blogger of HuffingtonPosts’ Living section, it seems more than appropriate for her to explore the existential and psychodynamic aspects of current events.
If you dislike the thread, move one. Denigrating others who might find some meaning or solace in such observations is simply churlish.
There are too many good times to thank Mr. Jackson for. That night. That day. That party. That concert. That moment. Damn it Michael, you will forever be at the dance.
It’s the only way we can say thank-you.
Our brother, our hero, Rest peacefully now.
Not many remember MTV would not show videos featuring AAs or other ethnicities until Michael Jackson broke through that 1980s color barrier. To think a talent such as his had to break through - and not be welcomed - is part of the trauma we are all in denial about. We dare not speak this truth...nor would he. Be interesting when our mental health professionals stop fostering denial...themselves.
Being REAL about the traumas of American racism - in the South - when the Jackson boys were born and raised - is not so easily confronted when your ethnicity historically defined your place - or lack thereof - in American culture. Michael's demons are shared by many AAs who fill our jails even today. A driven Joe Jackson sought economic security for his family by sending his sons to perform as children - in strip clubs - to get their start, because the "Chit-lin" circuit was the ONLY means available. Survival for many AAs has been to sublimate the traumas - and the mental health system certainly hasn't done much to address and/or alleviate the traumas. American culture itself prefers to pretend and/or ignore the historical AA traumas. We are ALL in denial.
AMEN. America is in denial of its own harmful past.
...and there it is
thank you for expressing with such clarity - the truth.
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