Tiger's Shout Out For Realness And Psychotherapy

Staged, yes. Awkward, yes. Authentic? Well that's the mystery that remains to be seen. Tiger Woods has owned up to having an "above it all" mentality that lies at the heart of his sex addiction. Stunned by the acknowledgment that he is under the influence of the narcissism we see in so many stars, journalists and golf fans are left wondering how much they can trust the words shared in Friday's speech.

Let's remember that Woods has an addiction and by the very nature of addiction, he is still very much disconnected from a deeper level of knowing himself. When we don't learn how to tolerate our emotional vulnerability, posturing as cool and "having it together" provides a disguise, often applauded by friends, family and certainly the public. Arrogance is a common strategy for males to cover up their insecure feelings. It effectively seals off real feelings and does such a great job over time, that even when one is ready to face their real self, that real self is buried deep within, not accessible to be faced.

By no means am I suggesting that Tiger is destined to a future limited by deception and avoidance. What I am saying is that it takes continuous work to chip away at the frozen tundra protecting against realness. Woods or any other sex addict is highly unlikely to be successful in that pursuit without the aid of psychotherapeutic supports to confront one's denial, shine a spotlight on misconceptions and question the logic that maintains self-harming behaviors.

So when the question is asked about whether or not Tiger is being authentic in his words and demeanor, the answer doesn't lie in a yes or a no. It lies in the question inquiring about the degree to which he may be more real than he has otherwise been. In recovery from any addictive pattern that has defended a person from knowing more of the truth about their feelings and themselves, it isn't possible to all of a sudden become real. Real is a foreign land that others visit, one that the person in recovery can't even imagine for a long, long time.

I give Tiger credit for going in to treatment and for walking the walk. He has a long road to travel and at this point, his fans and family members can only hope that his characteristics of perseverance and hard work will assist him in achieving growth on a new course, one he has yet to play and master.

 

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Comments

[NYCTherapist]

02:37 PM on 03/02/2010

I think there are so many assumptions surrounding sexuality in this country that there is little room for someone to be sexually active in a way that would not end up appearing self-defeating or abnormal. There is unhealthy sexually driven behavior (can we PLEASE stop calling it "sex addiction") and there are also a lot of people coming for therapy in New York (www.mytherapist.info) jumping to the conclusion that that must be sex addicts because they watch porn, or aren't in monogamous relationships, etc.

[NYCTherapist]

02:36 PM on 03/02/2010

I think there are so many assumptions surrounding sexuality in this country that there is little room for someone to be sexually active in a way that would not end up appearing self-defeating or abnormal. There is unhealthy sexually driven behavior (can we PLEASE stop calling it "sex addiction") and there are also a lot of people coming for therapy in New York (http://www.mytherapist.info) jumping to the conclusion that that must be sex addicts because they watch porn, or aren't in monogamous relationships, etc.

[CLOB]

11:11 PM on 02/22/2010

After listening to Tiger I think that he is going in the right direction to get his derailed life back on the right track. Tiger said his Buddhist faith would be a key part of his quest to put his life back together. Self- discipline with awareness of consequences is among Buddhism highest values. In each one of us there is a divine power that can be used to help us overcome any obstacle and adversity. I am encouraged that Tiger mentioned he is using his inner strength to regain balance in his life to save the two things that are most important to him, his wife and his children. I wish them all the best. It is time that Tiger and his family move on with their life and for the media to get off their back!!!

[Zoica]

08:03 PM on 02/22/2010

Interesting article. However, I'm really uncomfortable with all the scrutiny on Tiger. This is PERSONAL, and HIS business. His confession to the public is inappropriate -- all this is NOT our business. If he were a politician who preaches "family values", then, yes, he would need to own up...but such is not the case.

[mellene]

07:23 PM on 02/22/2010

Tiger Woods gets way too much press time. I guess it's easier for the public to focus on something they can understand since so many people are no longer getting an education that would give them the ability to have critical thinking skills.

[MarkTX]

04:46 PM on 02/22/2010

And although the ultimate responsibility must of course lie within the individual himself, it certainly can't help that there was an entire well-financed enterprise completely dependent on propping up the "Tiger Woods" myth. When you're surrounded by a phalanx of people whose livelihoods depend on your continued kind feelings towards them, you've got a ready-made army of highly motivated enablers.

Which in no way releases him from the choices he made, of course. But I think celebrities in general have to find ways to guard against the echo chambers of their own publicity machines. It probably helps to have a few trusted people in the mix who aren't afraid to call "bull----t" when you start believing your own press or showing signs of an inflated sense of your part in the cosmos.