THE BLOG
04/30/2014 03:11 pm ET Updated Jun 30, 2014

Find Love in 5 Steps

These five steps are, I believe, absolutely necessary to finding your love this year:

Love Basic #1

You can probably guess what your best accessory is, can't you? It's your smile -- a smile is non-optional equipment in finding love. It communicates that you are friendly and approachable and probably caring and happy. These are traits that give you draw and are highly desired in a mate.

You don't smile? That's no excuse -- start now to practice on furniture, then small furry animals, and work your way up to adults and members of the gender you wish to attract.

Love Basic #2

Know that anger plays no part in love. I am not talking about healthy anger which is a warning signal letting you know when to back off or speak up. And I'm not only talking about shouting or hitting -- derisive and demeaning remarks also count. Speaking up for your self can and should be stated in a calm, level voice. This has the double advantage of not begetting more anger and being imminently more effective.

Anger shows up at the beginning -- if your date is very nice to you but expressing road rage or being rude to the waiter or others around you, do be warned -- I guarantee you will be the target down the road.

Tip: character assassination is not foreplay

If you have anger, get rid of it before your anger chases away healthy people who might otherwise be attracted.

This topic is perhaps best summed up by a country western song title: "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chewed Your Ass All Day Long."

Love Basic #3

Get good at handling rejection. And if rejection has never happened to you, then you aren't trying hard enough.

Hasn't almost everyone been dumped before? It could be a true heartbreak. Or it could be a small rejection - you thought you had a keeper on date one and they disappeared into lost boy or girl land.

Here is the t-shirt you need to wear: "Got Dumped" on the front and on the back: "Got Lucky." The great thing about being rejected is she or he knew before you did that you were wrong for each other and saved you time. They rescued you from the #1 love block -- wasting time. And haven't you looked back on a rejection and thought thank you for releasing me because I would not take you back again for anything? Say "thank you" to that person. They deserve your gratitude.

Man's (or woman's) rejection may be God's protection. You needed an upgrade but weren't willing or able to take it.

Another way of mishandling rejection is not being able to quit. Hasn't everyone won that t-shirt too? The shirt that reads "Jumped in too quickly and stayed too long" on the front and "Knew it was a bad idea from the start" on the back?

I am not talking about true grieving and mourning of the loss of long term or profound love. I am attempting to re-direct those who are capable of mourning not getting a third date. Well, you can't have that. To find love in a year, you have to move on along.

Love Basic #4

Date dress ALL the time -- it's a good way to get dates and you never know where you might meet one. No one thinks a mate will be date dressing all the time they are together or even wants it. But everyone likes to believe they are worth their love making effort.

Women: I don't mean your most formal or your most revealing (you don't want to render him incapable of thinking in terms of "wife" or be so distracted he can't focus on your personality). By showing effort to attract, you advertise you are interested in meeting someone new and that you will be good at taking care of yourself when married or committed.

Tip: women are visual too. Most women really like a well-dressed man.

Men: this doesn't take much: clean, simple, some attempt at color coordination and mostly non-synthetic fabrics.

Women: If he doesn't care about clothes, he may be perfectly happy with your making the choices for him. Once you are together you just say that he is your sex symbol and he has to live up to the role.

Love basic #5

Attitude really is everything. Visualize success in love and raise your personal happiness level and you are a giant step ahead. I've seen a lot of people over come every imaginable barrier because they were determined. Think of Olympic athletes. Are they waiting to go on thinking "this may not turn out well and I'm not in the mood"? Your attitude toward dating is your job, your show. Think like a winner.

A recent study overturned what was formerly believed to be the best predictor of success -- intelligence. The new best predictor: the need for cognition. You are more likely to be successful if you crave knowledge. Applied to love, need for cognition means learning how to be better at loving, reading books and articles, going to lectures and seminars, listening to happily married couples, communicating, dating, and never stop honing your skills.

Embrace these basics and then just have fun. This isn't funereal attendance. Approach each date (and every time you are with a prospective or current love) as exciting potential. Make every effort to enjoy, relax, and bring out the best in both of you!