5 Things No One Should EVER Say

If you feel or even sense that you shouldn't say something, then don't say it! What good can come of that? I may love hearing what you have to say, but I can guarantee that if you already know that you shouldn't tell me something, you are probably correct.
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Young woman whispering secret into friend's ear, close-up
Young woman whispering secret into friend's ear, close-up

Go ahead and gush enthusiastically about the weather, cute kids or adorable pets. You may bore people, but they won't hate you. But no one should ever say these five things:

Have you met anyone special, yet?

Hearing that question can cause a person to react in a number of ways, ranging from barely polite to secretly homicidal, especially if the person hearing it is a woman in her 30s. It may be that the person asking is genuinely interested, but it feels like criticism especially if you are a woman and you don't have anyone special in your life. After hearing this question, what many women hear in their heads is this: Your clock is ticking. Time is running out. Whether you want kids or not, your desirability is fading and you need to snap a guy up or you'll end up an old maid. But it is pretty funny how some of my middle-aged women friends got divorced recently because they preferred being old maids living alone to being married to jerks. Not everyone needs or wants to be married.

When is your baby due?
The minute you ask this question you should feel nauseous. Oh my God! What if she isn't pregnant? What if she is just sporting a beer belly like so many guys? What if she is just bloated? Also possible is that she has given birth recently and her midsection hasn't shrunk back to its pre-pregnancy size. That is a sad reality for so many of us who went to the hospital to have a baby and envisioned returning home in our skinny jeans. On the bright side, however, we only looked six months pregnant on the way home.

Are you okay?
There are many reasons why someone might ask if we are okay but usually it is because we don't look okay. Maybe we look tired or pale. Maybe we look hot and flushed and mildly sweaty because we are premenopausal. Or maybe we are just hot in a humid environment and we sweat because we are not supermodels. Whatever. But clearly if you ask someone if they are okay, you are indicating that something about their appearance or behavior has indicated that a rational person could conclude that they are so not okay. My favorite response to this question is: I'm fine! This is how I always look.

Oh my goodness! I didn't recognize you!
So clearly we used to know each other and we haven't seen each other in some time. Apparently I have aged in a way that makes me unrecognizable. Perhaps I have put on some weight. Many years and babies can do that. Perhaps I am sporting some gray hair. You, on the other hand, may just look like an older version of yourself, but I was able to recognize you because I didn't expect you to look like you did when we were in college. At least we are not both still wearing those clothes we wore in college.

I shouldn't say this, but . . . .
Oh, for the love of Pete! If you feel or even sense that you shouldn't say something, then don't say it! What good can come of that? I may love hearing what you have to say, but I can guarantee that if you already know that you shouldn't tell me something, you are probably correct. So why the hell are you going to tell me this salacious tidbit? You are most likely violating some girl code or friend code by sharing this gossip with me. And much as I may enjoy hearing it, I am making a mental note that you are not to be trusted with anything I share with you in the future.

So if you are a person who traffics in any of these five things, think again. Except for the last one. Honestly, call, text or email me about whatever you shouldn't tell me! I want to hear it. Really. I do. Just don't expect me to share any secrets with you in the future!

photo credit: IMG_3971.JPG via photopin (license)

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