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6 Secrets Your Kid Needs to Know Before His College Interview

02/12/2015 07:37 am ET | Updated Apr 14, 2015

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If your children are applying to college, they are teenagers and their first inclination will be to do the opposite of whatever you tell them to do. So save yourself a lot of time and heartache and tell your kids these six essential tips for interviewing at the college of their choice. They will ignore your advice and do the opposite, which will work out great! Trust me. Just tell them this:

1. Interview Skills
So many high school students try hard to impress the college interviewer by yapping on and on about all of the awards they have earned and all of the 501(c)(3) charities they have started to end world hunger and eradicate disease. But why bother? You can stand out by pointing out just how exceptionally average you are. Colleges value honesty.

2. Interview Attire

With regard to proper attire for the interview, just be yourself and feel free to wear that baseball hat backwards. Ripped jeans and sneakers are fine. The interviewer should be assessing you and not your clothing. Only a shallow person would judge you by your appearance.

3. Be Frank About Your Intentions
When interviewers ask about your aspirations for your college experience, let them know that you have given a lot of thought as to whether their college will provide you with the amount of partying and sex that you are expecting for the thousands of dollars that your parents are paying. Then ask the interviewer if he or she can be more specific. Being detail-oriented will impress the interviewer.

4. Don't Suck Up
Chewing gum during your college interview will impress the interviewer with how relaxed you are in a stressful situation. The interviewer will also note that you didn't try too hard to impress because you are so self-confident. No need to dust off a tie and blazer of your father's that doesn't fit you anyway. No one likes a suck-up.

5. Extracurricular Activities
When the interviewer asks you to tell him or her about what you like to spend your spare time doing, share your passion for killing legions of aliens on XBox That will show drive, ambition, leadership and finger-thumb dexterity. It will also convey to the interviewer that because you spend considerable time in your home on the sofa, you are not out on the city streets knocking over liquor stores or torching cars.

6. Come Thirsty
When interviewers ask if you have any questions about the college, remember that this is your opportunity to make a lasting impression by showing that you have thought long and hard about this in advance. Then impress the heck out of them by asking about the number of bars within walking distance of campus. If the interviewer seems to be enjoying this line of inquiry, you can expand on the subject by asking about drinking establishments farther away and find out if the campus shuttle goes to those establishments. Asking about which places have the latest last call and the cheapest beer can keep the conversation going.

So, in sum, don't worry about making a good impression. If the college doesn't want you it's their loss. Party on!

photo credit: Stu Willis via photopin cc

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