You Are Not Alone: Michael Jackson's Abusive Childhood and How to Heal If It's Yours
Heal The World/Make It A Better Place/For You And For Me/And The Entire Human Race - Michael Jackson
Let's face it, millions of words will be printed and spoken about Michael Jackson in the months and years to come, about his death, his pyrotechnic life and all the things that make his eccentric kind of notoriety never die.
But what I hope won't get lost in the screech and shuffle likely to come is one fact: Michael Jackson was, by his own admission, both a victim and survivor of a childhood weighted in violence.
There is much research to show how such trauma invades the mind and body with pain and shame. Physical, verbal, emotional abuse lives on. Jackson happened to have the grace and talent to rise above it and, in the process, alter the world. But millions upon millions of others die anonymously of such trauma with drugs, suicide, and other destroyed lives.
Jackson did not make himself a poster child, as so many celebrities do; but the singer was clear that he bore deep scars from his childhood traumas. Tragically, the anodyne eluded him.
[Since Michael Jackson was also the survivor of an exploitative childhood which turned him into a global cash cow -- not just for fame but for the wealth of so many others who were without talent -- it gave him a double harsh burden to carry.]
My hope in the wake of his sudden if not completely shocking death: that people learn to speak out more and more about the violence in their past, whatever it may be.
Violence Unsilenced is one website that gives trauma survivors a safe place to give voice to their silent anguish. It's a relatively new site, and according to the woman who started it the stories are pouring in: she already has a 6-month back-up. The point in speaking up is not to point fingers (which many people fear), but to have your damaged voice heard. Then the real healing can begin.
Send the site to someone you know who may benefit; urge them to speak up and get help. Violence, control, fear and abuse thrive in silence. Merely aging doesn't make this pain diminish. In fact, it often gets stronger and louder.
Yes, I was a fan -- of Jackson's music, his persona, his life -- the same as endless others. No one, save Elvis and The Beatles, wrangled the world's music-icon imagination as he did and Jackson did it with all global races for four decades of his five-decade life. That side of him is solid in cement.
But as the media shifts to things more lurid and sensational, I think that Michael, himself, would now want to help free others who experienced his brand of childhood pain, even if it's something he ultimately could not do for himself. Real freedom is possible from these kinds of experiences, but it takes hard work, focused energy and ultimately time; something Michael Jackson no longer has.
Janet Kinosian is a 25-year print journalist who has reported on Entertainment for the Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times Syndicate, The New York Times Syndicate and People Magazine. She provides Media Consulting at www.janetkinosian.com.
Follow Janet Kinosian on Twitter: www.twitter.com/STWBYF4
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Great post... well said!
well said.
Don't kid yourself Janet.
You know NOTHING of Michael Jackson's childhood but what some editor at Doubleday wanted you to know.
situationcritical, more than one Jackson admitted to being abused ........including Jackie Jackson , the oldest brother,who you rarely hear anything from.
The problem is this: non-minorities hear the word abuse, and they think "sexual" whereas minorities equate (and rightly so for the most part) it to strong discipline. You can bet what the Jacksons got - all 9 of them got was discipline. Read "Moonwalk" by Michael, for further insight.
Question - how familiar are you with Jackie Jackson's self-titled debut album from 1973? Quote me a few lyrics from, say, "Do I Owe" - then maybe I'd think you know what you're talking about.
The problem is, that he did NOT survive that childhood. The years after "Thriller" seems to have been the beginning of the end for him and he began dying then. The tragedy is that no one in his life was able to risk rejection enough by having him involuntarily committed when all of his severe symptoms began to escalate and that, before that, no one suggested therapy and treatment before it got so bad that he would not, could not listen to them. It is difficult for me to extol all of his professional accomplishments after "Thriller" because I find even his performances after that to be very symptomatic and bordering on "freakishness", which is so sad because he had great talent and smarts in business. One can easily trace the progression of his disease and the issues he had by his behavior, all of them self destructive and destructive of his "image", as well. What is the worth of all the career accomplishments if he was destroying his person along the way?
Michael Jackson."You are not alone." Not anymore. I believe you are now, the angel in heaven you sought so hard to be here on earth. You were so misunderstood, vilified, and beat upon. There was so much mockery and hatred of you, for only one reason. You"re goodness; your luminosity into the beautiful heart you believed could be in every man. You had such generosity, and tried so hard to teach others, to look into the soul. And to not judge based on color, creed or class.
But darkness, doesn"t like beauty to shine. It detracts so much from what it is trying to do. Create dark human less souls of us all. To replace the radiance that was born within all of us, by God. You spoke of nothing, but love and peace. Your light through your words, and music shone so bright. You"ve brought so much too so many, but only sought pure love for yourself. Your sensitivity brought ridicule. When all you wished most of all was to be embraced and understood.
I think what personally stood out to me most of all; was your tender nature. Envy in other people mistook that for weakness, when in reality it is strength. The force of who you were was so strong. Many people wish to have that, but could never achieve it.
We are all afforded different opportunities in life. Instead of being envious, they should have rejoiced with you, in your life.
Beautifully done...
Thank you.
Having suffered extreme physical and emotional abuse by my parents until I was in my early twenties, I feel nothing but compassion for and understanding of Michael Jackson's choices in life. Abuse is like an invisible cancer that eats at your very core for all of your life. I struggle with trust issues in relationships with humans; and, like Michael, I find companionship among animals and solace in the natural world of trees, plants and rivers. The creepy crawly things that go bump in the night can't hurt you. "Thriller" was Michael's testament to fear and consumption by scary humans, reeking of death and destruction. I think it represented his experience with those who were supposed to love him. This young trusting female vulnerable to an evil predatory man, open in her innocence and full of loving expectation. Just like a new born baby, who only wants to be loved, nurtured and cared for. Michael's pain is my pain and the pain of all of us who have suffered unspeakable harm at the hands of our primary caretakers, our parents. Michael tried to control this fact, by having children that only he would care for. He carefully orchestrated their births to naively, perhaps, protect them from what he had experienced. I hope they grow to know what sacrifices Michael made for their security and why he did so, and grow to love him for it. He only wanted their complete safety from the harm he knew only so well.
Peace
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i am sorry for your pain and the harm that should not have come to you - or any child. the 'natural' and animal worlds are indeed a potent way to heal. also learning to speak out and connect with others who understand uniquely. peace to you, my friend. and thx for your words of clarity.
Janet, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I found myself absorbed in the articles and comments on Huffpo about Michael Jackson's death and I really didn't understand why, until I read your article. Michael's life and death and the commen, kind and cruel have knocked the wind out of my sails. I am crying as I write to you now.
I know so well the lonliness and isolation endured by Michael and how difficult it is for people to comprehend why people like us, do what we do and how we go about doing it. Abuse creates shame and shame creates a wall around the heart and soul of person who experiences it. Michael was an artist; a sensitive extraordinarily gifted human being. He had his musical face and then there was his soul face, as I like to call it. It was a face that was disfigured, distorted and grotesque, made so by his inability to connect with others, other than through his music and dance. The human heart and soul cries out for affirmation, acceptance and love. To be loved for merely being alive is to be celebrated and cherished. Michael didn't have that, as I don't have it. In the photos of him and his children released by his friend in Florida, I see softness and light in Michael's eyes. They are beautiful pictures and a testament to the resilience of the spirit.
Thank you Janet. That was beautiful and insightful.
I was bullied my entire childhood, and then abused(my mom used to beat me a lot, during her periods of depression and what not) at home, and although I'm now a 38 year-old woman, the scars are still there. I'm a strong woman, nonetheless, but the insecurities of feeling ugly, will follow me my entire life, even when people tell me that I'm beautiful, etc. I have long watched Michael jackson sink deeper and deeper into this self-loathing, self-altering, self-escaping spiral of his, and kept praying that he would one day wake up from all of that self-destruction, and start to heal, but alas it seems he had few around him, who were honest, sensitive and genuine enough to want to help him, and that he, in turn, was in deep denial, and pushed these few people out of his life, periodically.
We can't do much, for thos who suffer in silence and anonimity, but we can do something, and so I'll try to do my part and tell people about Violence Unsilenced, on both My Space and Facebook. I hope others will do the same.
God bless,
Emily
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yes, well put. it's so sad and so very true. and more sadly the bullying/abuse is such a cycle that families hardly realize what deep traumas they perpetuate. hearing other people who were traumatized in this manner speak as well as speak your own truth is really important i think. thx so much for your thoughts.
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Emily - thanks for your words. i'm very sorry for your childhood pain but someday you will be able to hear the truth about who you are without that damaged overlay and let it sink in; at least i'm hoping so. it does take hard work and persistance and a real desire to become whole again. thx for spreading the word to anyone who suffers in silence. enough is enough..the cycles need to be broken. i've worked in prisons and juvenille facilities for years; not ONE person in there doesn't have this in their background from my personal experience.
Powerful post, as is also this article. Very well stated. I too was bullied mercilessly from the age of five util I was maybe fifteen. It made me very shy, something at the age of 37 I'm still learning how to overcome. I like you wished that Michael would have gotten some serious help from all the trama he faced growing up. But unfortunately, he would continue to be teased on the playground of life even as an adult until his last days. Being the best at what you do, the king of the hill, makes you an even easier target for ridicule and criticism.
As the article states coming out and being open about your experience can help heal the scars, but what are we to make of the fact that when Michael bore his soul in describing what he went through as a child it brought not sympathy but more ignorant ridicules? They saw it as a ploy to gain sympathy just to sale more records. What was there to stop him and other victims of abuse from thinking that's just the way the world works, just non-stop abuse from the cradle to the grave?
Again thanks for sharing your story.
I agree that relentless bullying puts a hole in one's center where survival skills belong,
such as judgment and self preservation. It goes so deep when it comes from a parent that is
is almost impossible to overcome. MJ's passing this way seems to have struck a deep chord
with many people, which just makes the tragedy of it all the more poignant, when you realize
how many other people have also suffered this way. I hope that all burdens have been lifted
from Michael's spirit and that he is dancing in the light fantastic now.
The tragedy of the kind of abuse Michael suffered is that it's aftermath prevented him from getting the help he needed to recover. As soon as someone cared enough about him to speak up about his self-destructive behaviour, he would cut them off, which meant the only people he had around him were people who did not have his best interests at heart. One of the worst side-effects of being bullied by your parents is that you're then unable to judge when someone is saying something you don't want to hear out of love or out of lack of love, so you end up with people who never tell you no - and that can be fatal.
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Yes Kiwuck, I very much agree. That's the real sadness: that people who suffer like this lack the skills to reach out, as you say, and think their experiences and voice have no real meaning. so they hear all is the way it can/will always be - and that indeed can be fatal.
It is difficult to reach out for help, because you'be been taught that if you fight back you'll get more abuse. Your abusers have taught you to not fight for your rights. You learn a kind of helplessness until someone validates you by being a mirror of the same abuse. You can then see yourself clearly. It's a painful process, but it allows you to start healing. Which is why again that people need to speak about their pain.
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