THE BLOG

Six Modern Religions for Freethinkers

04/27/2015 01:22 pm ET | Updated Jun 27, 2015

Everyone is free to believe (or not believe) whatever they want. There are too many religions to choose from and many of them contradict each other. So how should one decide what to believe? If you're looking for a religion, here are six suggestions that are much more fun and in some ways make more sense than the mainstream ones.

1. Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - These guys are pretty legit. They have their own gospel, which delves into how the universe was created by an invisible flying spaghetti monster around 5,000 years ago. Given that 4 out of 10 Americans believe god created Earth 10,000 years ago, it's not that far fetched. To be honest, I would feel better if hotels left a bowl of pasta on the night stand instead of a bible. It's at least more useful.

Their sacred head gear is a colander. In 2013, a Texas pastafarian won the battle at DMV and became the first in the U.S. to wear one in his license photo. Last year, Councilman Christopher Schaeffer of Pomfret, N.Y., took his oath wearing a colander on his head. It may be just a matter of time before we have a pastafarian president.

2. United Church of Bacon - This church was founded in 2010 and yes, they believe bacon is their god. I've got to admit, bacon would be a cool substitute for the lame communion wafers. In all seriousness, they have raised more than $200,000 in tw years for various noteworthy charities. Praise the lard!

They also carry out various church services including performing legal weddings. For selfish reasons, I would like this church to merge with pastafarians. It's a natural fit and would make a delicious combination. Not to mention it would simplify the wedding dinner menu for people getting married in their churches.

3. Church of Cannabis - This was an awesome side effect to the Indiana's religious freedom law that was created with the sole intention of discriminating against homosexuals. They have 12 commandments. The first one is "Don't be an asshole. Treat everyone with love as an equal". Cannabis is their sacrament and is part of their doctrine. I strongly feel these churches complement each other. Why not have a plate of carbonara with bacon before having a "brownie"?

Although this is a "young" religion, their roots are from the THC Ministry founded in the year 2000. They believe "cannabis sacrament is a fundamental human right provided by God and protected by the constitution". There are serious debates about marijuana prohibition being unconstitutional. I say let's replace handguns with doobies, that ought to make people get along better.

4. Temple of the Invisible Pink Unicorn - They believe in one unicorn, you know, the pink invisible one. It is a being of great spiritual power. They even have a holy relic, it's the Holy Sock of Bob. Their manifesto states "Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that she is pink; we logically know that she is invisible because we can't see her."

While I can't argue with that belief or logic, I do think that if you "religiously" followed the Church of Cannabis, the pink unicorn might make an appearance. However this does call for a certain level of devotion.

5. Church of Jedi - This started in 2001 when there was an email campaign that urged people to write "Jedi" as their religion on that year's census. It worked and now there are established Jedi churches where they can perform legal weddings. I wish I can attend one of these, it's got to be fun. "Do you Jedi ______ take Jedi _______ to be your husband...? In forces of darkness and forces of light, wherever you may go and whatever you may face, do you promise to share your life in marriage?"

In April 2015, over 200,000 Turkish students signed a petition to build a Jedi temple. This was in response to an increase in the number of mosques on campus. "To recruit new Jedi and to bring balance to the Force, we want a Jedi temple," the petition claims. Sounds very reasonable, doesn't it?

6. Church of Google - I have to admit, this church's logic is pretty solid and slightly scary. According to them, Google is the closest thing to an omniscient and omnipresent entity. It is infinite, potentially immortal and remembers everything!

There are multiple sites that promote Googlism. I especially enjoyed reading their Ten Commandments and official prayers. Of course they also have the Lord 's Prayer in binary format. Personally I like this version:

Our Google, which art on servers,
Hallowed be thy page;
Thy domain come,
Thy search be done,
On Chrome as it is in the cloud.
Give us this day our daily lolcats
And forgive our trolling,
As we forgive those who troll against us;
And lead us not into spam,
But deliver us from malware. RAMen.

So which one are you going to choose?