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Every iPhone 5 Release Rumor Ever

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Dear Reader of HuffPost Tech,

It might seem to you that we post a lot of rumors concerning the release date of the upcoming iPhone 5. Some of you, in fact, might even be sick of reading these unconfirmed iPhone 5 stories; I know that, as a tech reporter, I have certainly gotten a little tired of writing about the same basic rumors over and over again. Here in September, my fellow tech writers and I just might begin suffering from iPhone 5 Fatigue Syndrome (i5FS) if we don't get some solid evidence from Tim Cook some time soon.

That's why I've created this handy little "iPhone 5 Release Rumor Story Template." This story template has worked to generate posts for every single iPhone 5 release rumor that has broken so far, and I anticipate that it will continue to work for at least a few weeks, too. My readers will probably recognize this template, as I have used it on about 137 iPhone 5 release rumor stories in the past two weeks.

Readers can of course try out the template for themselves, just in case they ever wanted to know what it's like to be a tech reporter covering the release date of the iPhone 5. All you have to do is fill in the brackets with the information that corresponds to the latest iPhone 5 release rumor, and -- voila! -- you'll have a new blog post covering that rumor completed and ready to print in 3 minutes, tops.

Yes, everyone, including journalists, is free to use the template; and you better believe that, as readers, you'll be seeing it a whole lot more often in the near future, until Apple finally stops being so tight-lipped and announces a damn release date already.

Could the iPhone 5 be coming out in time for [COLUMBUS DAY/HALLOWEEN/THE RAPTURE]?

According to [NAME OF TECH BLOG/NAME OF NEWSPAPER/NAME OF CLAIRVOYANT WIZARD], the newest Apple iPhone will be coming out in [MONTH]. The publication heard these latest rumors from anonymous sources at [APPLE/AT&T/THE SOVEREIGN REPUBLIC OF SOUTH KOREA], who purportedly ["HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MATTER"/"HAVE SEEN CONFIDENTIAL INTERNAL DOCUMENTS"/"HAVE A MODEM AND A KEYBOARD"]. The iPhone 5--or iPhone 4s, as some believe it will be called--is expected to feature an 8 Megapixel rear-facing camera, a wider touchscreen and, perhaps, [4G CAPABILITY/A FASTER A5 PROCESSOR/JACUZZI JETS].

iPhone 5 rumors have been heating up recently, as many different sites have jumped in on the action. Earlier in the week, Apple blog [9TO5MAC/MACRUMORS/MAC MACKINGTON'S MAC NEWS SITE AND MAC BLOG] published blurry photos sent in by a tipster taken in [SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA/WUHAN, CHINA/PHOTOSHOP] that they claim show a prototype iPhone 5 in the wild; earlier in the week, [INSERT UNPRONOUNCABLE WEBSITE NAME], a daily newspaper written in [JAPANESE/VIETNAMESE/A LANGUAGE PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT EXTINCT], shared a report showing that Apple had ordered [NUMBER BETWEEN 40 MILLION AND INFINITY] iPhone 5s for the upcoming quarter.

If these latest rumors prove true, they would debunk reports from other sites that have said that the iPhone 5 would [COME OUT IN SEPTEMBER/COME OUT IN OCTOBER/COME OUT OF THE CLOSET ON AN EPISODE OF THE DR. PHIL SHOW]. We have reason to trust this particular source, however, as they previously predicted correctly the [RELEASE DATE OF THE IPHONE 4/FEATURES OF THE IPAD 2/POWERBALL NUMBERS FOR FEBRUARY 23, 1997].

Apple did not respond to request for comment.

Time will only tell whether these rumors turn out to be [TRUE/FALSE/WILDLY AND IRRESPONSIBLY FABRICATED], but one thing is for sure: We are very, very close to knowing the definite date for the release of the iPhone 5.

For all the latest iPhone rumors, make sure you check back here often at your one-stop-shop for all things Apple, [NAME OF YOUR TECHNOLOGICALLY-LEANING BLOG SITE].

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