I suspect that if hunger, thirst and fatigue were perfectly mixed, I could be on fire and one of my kids might still ask me for milk. "I can't do that right now, I'm on fire." "But I want milk! Pleeeeasssse?" "Ok, Ok, I'll get the milk and THEN extinguish...

Some time around 5:30 every evening, the four of us huddle around a $25 plastic folding table to throw food and complain. We aren't so poor that we're forced to use an outdoor table inside, it's just that our kitchen nook is so oddly shaped that it only fits furniture...

I'm not proud of it, but on my list of priorities, conserving paper towels is right above inventing a car that runs on pee. You think I have time to make lists of how I can help the environment? The earth is lucky if I rinse out a milk carton...

As a father of two young boys, I find it difficult to balance my children's physical safety requirements with my own desire to occasionally remain motionless. Yesterday, as I was lying in the hammock, my 5-year-old climbed the ladder of our decaying play set and began scooting across the top...

I just read this article and now I can't feed my kids crackers without experiencing crippling guilt. Apparently, "everything we know about obesity and heart disease is wrong." It feels like we hear that every four months. Medicine has more controversial paradigm shifts than Facebook. It's frustrating at...

I'm lucky to have a great dad. Like me, he's far more Michael Keaton than he is The Great Santini. There's a cultural DNA that parents pass on to their children. Here are some of the lessons I learned from my dad. The links will take you to longer essays...

Welcome to the club, new parents. Here's a short list containing just a few of the amazing and ridiculous things you'll get to do over the next five years.

1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing.
2. Brush someone's teeth against their will.
3. Blow on food while it's in someone else's...

My 2-year-old son doesn't realize that gouging my eyes out will prevent me from seeing. "Don't grab daddy's face" only elicits a diabolical cackle until finally I cover myself like I'm trying to survive a falcon attack. I should probably get a canvas ski mask to wear during his prime...

1. Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father's shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.
2. De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.
3. Pee on the floor and stomp...

There are too many issues related to the recent TIME Magazine cover for me to address them all. Is the photo incendiary? Yes. Did the boy have a choice about whether to be in the photo? Probably, but I doubt he understood it. Do kids really stand on...