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I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

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Welcome to the club, new parents. Here's a short list containing just a few of the amazing and ridiculous things you'll get to do over the next five years.

  1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing.
  2. Brush someone's teeth against their will.
  3. Blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
  4. Help someone else blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
  5. Eat food that's fallen out of someone else's mouth.
  6. Eat food you found on the floor.
  7. Eat food you found on the mantle.
  8. Eat candy you found in a shoe.
  9. Visit a psychiatrist.
  10. Wipe somebody's nose with your bare hand.
  11. Let somebody barf in your bare hand.
  12. Eat baby food.
  13. Blame a fart on a child.
  14. Blame a child's fart on your spouse.
  15. Get someone dressed while you're in the shower.
  16. Pass out from blowing up a kiddie pool.
  17. Cut up a grape.
  18. Almost agree to cut up a raisin.
  19. Pretend to enjoy the flavor of a prune.
  20. Ask someone why their hair smells like Gogurt.
  21. Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant.
  22. Put someone else's toenail clippings in your pocket.
  23. Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.
  24. Have someone think you're amazing at frisbee.

Originally published on www.jasongood.net
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