Gay Pride Reminds Us That Love Can't Be Legislated

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

"We will keep fighting for love!!" declared Dan Choi to thunderous cheers at the Meet in the Middle rally for Gay Marriage in Fresno, CA. It was just four days after the CA Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8. I have great respect for Dan Choi, and I honor his courage for being willing to stand up as the voice for the eradication of DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell). I have great compassion for his recent experience being fired from the Army for coming out. I am also grateful that Barack Obama just signed a proclamation declaring June Gay Pride month. And, I fervently look forward to the day when his words of fierce advocacy for LGBT equality are met by fierce action.

Nonetheless, a more appropriate chant would have been, "We will keep fighting for equal rights and marriage!" Love is not something for which we can fight. Fortunately, love is not tangible. Love does not recognize gender. In all things love only recognizes itself. It cannot be given or taken away by government legislation. The government can obviously uphold myopic forces that are trying to keep marriage all to themselves. But even marriage can't provide love. If it could, wouldn't it help keep the 50% of first time marriages from ending in divorce?!? The government can recklessly uphold laws that would have a Westpoint grad and Arabic Translator like Dan Choi, who is willing to be redeployed to Iraq, fired for being himself. But, the government cannot give or take the freedom to love from anyone.

Let's face it, it was love itself that gave our LGBT ancestors at Stonewall on that fateful night in June, 1969 the courage to stand up fully in their authenticity. That night they resisted being arrested as they had been so many nights before, simply for gathering in public in the West Village of New York City. However, they were not fighting for love. They were demanding their right to gather. Their riots sounded an alarm against homophobic intolerance and oppression that has echoed through the past four decades.

I came out of the closet twenty years after the Stonewall Riots when I was 17. Not many teenagers were coming out of the closet then. It was 1989. Only a few years after Ronald Reagan avoided the words gay and AIDS. Thousands of gay men had to die before he took any action. It was a time when ACT UP was screaming for AIDS treatment even though they had not yet been given a voice. It was a time when well known performance artists like Tim Miller, Karen Finley and Holly Hughes had to go to court to defend their gay, homo-erotic work to the NEA (National Endowment for the Arts). It was a time when legal protection for LGBT people was rarer than it is today.

In this political climate it would have been easy to hate myself, even take my own life as too many young LGBT people still do. However, my inner experience of unconditional love was greater than my internalized homophobia. That inspired me to embrace my personal truth and uniqueness even before I knew I was gay. I believe that many of my lgbt brothers and sisters would also say that it is self love that empowers our community to collectively remain steadfast in our truth.

This gay pride let us remember the example set by our LGBT ancestors 40 years ago. Let us remember it is the love that lives inside of us that compels our full self expression. We can love ourselves AND our partners, regardless of the rhetoric espoused by the CA State Supreme Court, NOM, Protect Marriage, US Military, or Religious Fundamentalists.

My gay and straight brothers and sisters, this Pride let us celebrate the light that shines on humanity when we allow our greatest truth and our greatest love to flow freely. Therein lies the source that ignites the strength to declare, "Our undying freedom to choose love can never be taken from us. That is what empowers us to persevere on the journey to full equality!"

What does Gay Pride mean to you this year? Please comment below. If you believe others can benefit from reading this post "tweet" it or post it on Facebook!

In an ever-changing world Jason's coaching empowers you to start living life on your terms, creating a career and life based on personal integrity and authenticity! Learn more at www.jmannino.com and request a free copy of Jason's e-book: Mind Your Mind, Manage Your Thoughts: Tips to Turn Your Mind Into Your Ally by e-mailing [e-mail]

Comments

[ModernTimes1]

Mr. Mannino posted :"it's only a matter of time before the people of California reverse it themselves."

I am glad you accept democratic process. But vociferous many in the gay community don't.
Proven by all these rather vulgar persecutions of people who voted Yes on 8.
With The S.F. map of names and address of supporters of 8 was a rock- bottom low.

[antaeus]

Calls for respect in public discourse are always welcome.

But your complaint that those who made public contributions to support Prop. 8 weren't afforded privacy amounts to a whine. We don't have government restrictions on free speech, but we also don't have magic guarantees against criticism when you exercise that right.

[ModernTimes1]

There are similar maps published of military personnel and religious school employees who voted NO on 8. I'll try to find them and post it here.
Let's all participate in exercising free speech, shall we. warning: please don't whine when you see it.

[truthartbeauty]

you know within yourself that you are valid, moral, legitimate. dont expect enlightenment from an unenlightened society. just know that you are proud of who you are and be glad you are not like the idiots and bigots.

[Steamboater]

Gay Pride for me means not having heteros love me. I don't want their love and or even need it. I do demand their respect though in regard to having the same rights as they have. Gay pride is not having to be humiliated when drafted during the Vietnam War and told that you'll be tolerated as long as you undergo psychiatric counseling and telling the shrink to stuff it. It means standing up for youself and calling someone on their ignorance and intolerance.

It's ironic that heteros against Gay marriage want to deny us the right marriage because of our sexuality when they have those very same rights for the very reason that they're heterosexuals. I'm sorry but all this kumbayah talk is just so much smoke. We pride ourselves as a nation that gives you a fair shake and a chicken in every pot when you know very well that's not what's served up. The only time minorities are given a seat at the table is when politicians realize they may lose their job if they continue to pull the chair out. We should no longer have to accept just words. Action as they say speaks much louder.

[ModernTimes1]

"Action as they say speaks much louder."
Exactly. the people of California have spoken twice-- no gay marriage.
The Supreme Court of California has spoken-no gay marriage.
Next subject.

[antaeus]

And the trend line is headed in which direction?

We can't hear you.

[Steamboater]

Mannino can be happy as a lark about Obama declaring a token Gay Pride Month but we already fought the good fight when we voted for him and expected him to keep his word. He hasn't. I'll go to the Gay Pride celebration in SF; I dont need a month of Gay Pride declared by a president who's done nothing in regard to DADT and DOMA. Obama betrayed us and took our vote for granted but that won't happen any more with so many of us. Doesn't it bother in the least Mannino that he had the power to to at least suspend DADT and hasn't? Does it bother you that he had his justice department fight against the recent case in the Supreme Court opposing Gay rights or that when it comes to DOMA and DADAT he's silent except when pressses by the media about it? How many more excuses are you going to offer because you don't want to admit that you're vote went for nothing? Obama's no different than Bill Clinton and everyone who bashed Clinton and said there was a difference. They're both out of the same cloth.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

This is a quote from my article referring to Obama. It's the last line of the first paragraph:

I fervently look forward to the day when his words of fierce advocacy for LGBT equality are met by fierce action.

[walleymr]

which "fierce" words has he used, since becoming president?

[antaeus]

Since the early '90s I have resided in a major gay ghetto, and I have learned to ignore the local Pride event. How many actually realize that this is a for-profit production?

Find some of the video clips of the political protests of the period, and marvel at the earnest purposefulness and focus of those marchers--not the original riots themselves, but the rather the first protests. They didn't need financial underwriting from beer companies and bars (more booze) and cigarette makers. They had instead a meaningful political agenda. But in the subsequent years of growing tolerance, a complacency set in and the social change got lost in an excuse to have another party. We tried to find meaning in the evening news report of the sheer numbers of attendees (wow, we must be growing), never mind that the number came along with frivolous imagery.

Now we are at a watershed moment. The sense of difference about this time is palpable, and the stakes are high and real. West Hollywood already has a major Halloween carnival; why do we need two annual celebrations of the carnivalesque?

Recently Paris Hilton served as the "grand marshall" of West Hollywood's gay pride celebration. If that isn't a moment of clarity for every serious gay person out there, then I don't know what would be.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

I don't disagree with you. And I understand full well that the gay rights movement did not start with Stonewall. My article doesn't say that it did. My article says that Stonewall "sounded an alarm"

I also don't disagree with you about what Pride Festivals themselves have become. However, my article isn't about Pride Festivals. Nor does it once suggest that people should celebrate pride by going to a festival (although that is certainly there choice)

My article distinctly points to the fact that pride can be an inner choice to remember that love is an essence that dwells inside, and to give ourselves permission to stand up fully in our authenticity. That goes for anybody, gay, straight, black, white....

Jason

[ModernTimes1]

Society can tolerate behavior, but does not have to endorse it. Here lies the main difference between marriage and domestic partnership agreements.The voters of California made it abundantly clear.
I support DPA. I reject gay marriage For reasons which are non-religious in nature.

[gaydm]

What is the different "behavior" that separates us? Why should I settle for Domestic Partnership? And there is absolutely nothing clear about what the CSC left you voters in California. The CSC left it abundantly clear to the voters of California that prop 8 only carved out a NARROW right for opposite married couples, and that NARROW right was to use marriage on your Domestic Partner license.

[antaeus]

LOL. How does a razor margin (trending downward) amount to "abundant"?

[ModernTimes1]

Twice California voters rejected gay marriage.
And Cal. Supreme Court decided not to stand in the way of clear expression of voters decision.

How much more abundant can it be?!

[Steamboater]

You reject Gay marriage because you see us ONLY as clinical sexual beings and the one thing that terrifies America most is sex. I have sex sometimes and therefore I'm homosexual; I'm Gay all of the time.

[ModernTimes1]

You mean homosexuals are some sub-category of gay? There's capitalized Gay now? Please, this is getting silly.
You made more sense on the emotional appeal grounds.

[walleymr]

ps, wow, a WHOLE month to be proud! love those empty gestures

[walleymr]

I remember my first parade. Everyone I knew used it as an excuse to be publicly intoxicated, or, to get attention. That was my last.

It was also around the time I picked up on people trying to convince me what it was supposed to mean to me to be gay. Mostly that I needed to go to more drag shows, do a lot of uppers, and be generally nasty to anyone that didn't fit a set mold.

These days I hear "gay pride" and laugh. Then again, gay to me is sexual preference. Can't wait to see what saying this gets me called.

[garocant]

You sound like a self-loathing gay person. You should get help. There's every reason in the world to be proud of who you are. But all I hear in your post is self-hate. I feel sorry for you.

[walleymr]

i am proud of who i am ... could you clarify my self hatred?

[Dieter Michaels]

Gays did not choose to be gay - We were CHOSEN!

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Well, I do agree with you. We do have unique gifts that we offer the world!

;-)

Jason

[ModernTimes1]

Gay community has many brilliant artists and thinkers. The fact that it is influential does not give it more entitlement than any other sex.ual minority categories of Americans. The fight for more rights and privileges would have more coherency if included other classes of alternative behavior. In my opinion.

[GrainOSand]

Love cannot be legislated. If love ruled none of the civil rights legislation would be necessary. Unfortunately, love does not rule. Humans need compulsion in law concerning respecting the rights of certain “others”. The gay person goes against American indoctrination with its heavy Christian tilt of white man as God, woman as follower, and all others as lesser tribes with varying fortunes based on curses of long ago. The human being who loves another and wants to share their life with that person is not a gay issue (for me). I reject the notion that being gay is an affliction that can be addressed. I reject the notion that being gay is evil. If one is gay...they are, and my role is to love them, accept them, and do what I can to be of assistance and not harm to them. It does not matter if my expression of physical love for another human runs counter to a gay persons’ expression. Love is not physical, it is fundamental to all that we are and to miss that point in life is to miss life altogether. I am for marriage rights for the LGBT community because I love at the human level and not the demographic level or the level where I distance myself from another based on an unfair devaluation of that other persons’ worth. A gay couple should have all afforded under law to couples living as loving life mates.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Wow, you took my article and ran with it! Thank you! It's a great gift for me to see you reflect back exactly what I was communicating in my article.

Thanks for your humanity and willingness to see the love!

Jason

[Steamboater]

You know very well Dan Choi didn't mean we would keep fighting for love literally. Love is just a term he used to define us as human beings who have the same emotions as heteros but the bottom and deserev the same rights as heteros. Love in this sense incorporates a well deserved equality in all aspects of society including the military and partner's rights and marriage and joint tax returns etc.

[ChelseaC]

GrainOSand,
Indeed--I agree with you.

[ModernTimes1]

No one is trying to legislate gay love. We are legislating gay marriage as a social institution.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, you are right! I think that's a pretty clear distinction. However, when I work with gay men (which I do frequently) and I hear things like "my hope is gone," "we've had a huge set back" I feel inspired to send a reminder that moving towards full equality can be done from the place of remembering who we really are. and who we really are and our freedom to choose love is not something the government can give or take! I actually see people mistake that constantly.

Also, I would like to gently direct your attention back to the opening sentence of this "article." I was taken a back when I heard it and heard the crowds response.

Nonetheless, thanks for voicing your argument. I appreciate the input.

Jason

[ModernTimes1]

I fully support the right of gays to have a safe and self fulfilled lives.
But I personally feel that GL community's betting the house on the issue of gay marriage was/is short sighted. Especially in the light of the developments in California.

As Newton said for every action there's equal and opposite reaction.

[ModernTimes1]

Love cannot be legislated? Really?!

"Love" between 15 year old boy and 40 year old man ( or woman) is legislated and punished.
No matter how genuine.
And we, as society decided it was a right thing to do.
So much for that argument. .

[GrainOSand]

If a forty year old man truly loves a fifteen year old boy then I would think that love would play out in such a way that it would not come under the radar of legislation and penal justice. Consenting adults is what we as a society have decided is the right thing concerning physical expression of love between individuals. A forty year old man and a fifteen year old boy in such a relationship is called a crime because society has said at fifteen one has not developed enough to be engaged in such a “love relationship”. The forty year old, as the adult, should apply the rules of love and not do damage to the innocence of a child by putting them in a situation that compromises their innocence and subjects them to situations for which they are not developed enough to handle or understand. If it is true love, the forty year old and the fifteen year old will allow for the maturation process (legal and real) before taking the relationship to the level of expression reserved for -- consenting adults.

I thus conclude that society is not trying to legislate love in the case of adult child relationships, it is trying to preserve and protect innocence, and identify perverse predators. Society is saying adult-child love should not play out in a physical fashion. Most can agree with this and find such legislation rational and moral. Only a pedophile would disagree.

[ModernTimes1]

"If a forty year old man truly loves a fifteen year old boy then I would think that love would play out in such a way that it would not come under the radar of legislation"
True. I am mot arguing about moral validity of such relationship.
The arugment is about legislating "love"
The Mr. Mannino made an compassionate, but factually wrong argument that "love cannot be legislated." I proved otherwise. Indeed matters to do with mores and morals are habitually legislated.

[BeninOakland]

Actually, you are not quite correct, and the argument does have some validity. SEX between a 15 year boy and a 40 year old adult is legislated, and punished. And rightly so. Love is not illegal. Nor is married love required to be sexual in nature.

The real question is: why is some people's love validated and supported, while the love of other people, admittedly a minority, but tax-paying equals nonetheless, is denigrated and not supported? My marriage to my husband benefits society in exactly the same ways that het marriage does. We are each other's support and safety net. We are both of us law abiding, productive, contributing, employed, tax paying members of our community, somethinhg that could not be said of large numbers of people who can marry because they are heterosexual, but otherwise are a drain on society.

We are well thought of by friends, colleagues, neighbors and families. We don't have children, but we have gay friends who do, and they love and support their children in all ways, also benefitting society. And we also love and support those children, giving them extended family that they can rely on.

[ModernTimes1]

"The real question is: why is some people's love validated and supported, while the love of other people, admittedly a minority, but tax-paying equals nonetheless, is denigrated and not supported?"
Yes, this is a good question,
This is how societies self-regulated through out history. Some behaviors are accepted, some are tolerated, and some are rejected outright.
I am SURE Benin some behavior by consenting adults you accept, some you tolerate, and some you reject..
Why act shocked that others feel the same?

[NoOneSpecial]

I believe that sex is what is regulated when a minor is involved.

In addition, wait three years and the 15-year-old boy is no longer a minor and the couple can have as much legal sex as they want.

The gay couple who met 30 years ago when one was 15 and the other was 19 are still waiting.

[gaydm]

I know I can survive, because I have survived. I could have given up, but I fought on. I have witnessed a great time of civil awakening to our plight. Part of my wish and hopes for my GLBTQ brothers and sisters is taking place. Things are much better though far yet from being perfect for us. I do feel better for where we are and what we may yet achieve.
Yes I am humbled by my gift of being a gay man, and grateful that God thought enough of me to grant me this gift. The Gift of being alive and able to hopefully make a difference.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for sharing this story! And thank you for being faithful to your personal truth. You serve as a great example for others to do the same.

Jason

[ModernTimes1]

Not sure what this tragic declaration of "survival" has to do with a marginal difference between marriage and domestic partner agreement.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

ModernTimes1

I fully support you sharing your perspective, but not at the expense of someone's personal story. My article was about self-love more than anything, that's what this person's story is commenting on.

I encourage compassionate discourse.

Thank you!
Jason

[gaydm]

I hesitate to use Pride to describe what I feel, I believe for me at least, that Humble is a more fitting word. I am humbled that God, or nature, or whatever reason that I am gay, made me this way.
I served 10 years in the Navy, back well before DADT was even in place. I knew at a young age both that I was gay, and I wanted nothing more than to be in the Navy. I volunteered to join the service right after the Vietnam war, because I wanted to help protect OUR Country. I believe in America, and I believe in the promise of American freedom and I felt I owed whatever it cost to defend that promise. My time I served was not pretty, the homophobic witch hunts, the hate that I was exposed to, voiced to me and in front of my face, by people who may or may not have suspected that I was gay. Well, it hurt, it hurt me bad, But it made me stronger for the experience. I got through those years but it left scars. Scars of the closet, the ultra vigilance that it took to keep from dying a lonely death at sea. I feared the veiled threats of the hints that people spoke of, being caught or suspected of being gay that they would just toss that person overboard late at night. I still have nightmares. But it has made me stronger.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi wonderful Jason, Thanks for you superb post

What the world needs now is love sweet love! I love the other day on Oprah Michael Beckwith and a priest where on and told a gay person that being gay/that he was a blessing from God. It made that guy so happy to hear this and he said he felt better about himself just from what they said. do check it out ---

I blew me and deb away. It was sooo true. Just think if God created everything he sure didn't slip up when he made gays
(not that I believe it was done in 7 days or that there is a God as expressed in zee bible)

It was a great moment for that man. You could see his smile...it is so important for people to get through their self hate and stop projecting it on others.

Big Love,

Ed

[ModernTimes1]

Yes, yes, slogans and sound bites are nice and look good on the poster.
But the dispute is about marriage, as a social institution.
Regardless of what religious or gay communities say.
Let's not blow smoke into people's eyes and have a coherent dialogue.

[gaydm]

I do not know about you but here is my take on "gay" marriage.

First, I want marriage. Equal marriage to the traditional way. No need to fiddle with a whole new classification, or name. No need for a whole new bureaucracy, just marriage will do.

A civil marriage contract has NO requirement, demand, time limit, nor proof of sexual activity, to enter into the contract. Sex is purely OPTIONAL, as are children. Both fall under the contract, but are not a REQUIREMENT to enter into the civil contract of marriage.

Consent is a requirement, both parties must be able to consent freely of there own will. We consider age in the equation of consent, most states you must be as defined, an adult for the purpose of consent.

Now if 2 people of the same gender who are also of the legal age and definition of consent, wish to enter into a civil marriage. What coherent reason does anyone, or any state have to deny the contract?

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

ModernTimes1- what is between 2 people is just that- it is absurd/rediculous for me/you or anyone to dictate another persons life. Not unless they are creating suffering/crime etc.

Unless me/you or anyone else knows what a gay.lesbian relationship is then how are they able to knowif it is real or not. This homophobia that exists is shameful ...my brother has been with a man for over 30 years. Many male/female relationships end in divorce - so wouldn't you say my brother has a more loving honorable meaningful union?

what goes on between any 2 people over the legal age is sacred and all people should mind their own business. It is stupidity to believe/judge and what right does anyone -- ---

in the future people will laugh at all this....it use to be women couldn't vote--
blacks couldn't go in the same restrooms as whites. Let's make peace not war - we all need to respect each other and be just a bit kinder

May all people be happy,

Ed

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks Ed

I believe it's true that many people don't see the gifts that LGBT people offer society. (stay tuned for an article on that one). I think I also saw the clip you mention.

Thanks for your undying support!

Love,
Jason