"I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. ... What do I have to do so people will listen to me? No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you're the ones calling me [gay slur] and tearing me down."
These were the words written by 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer just before he completed suicide on Sept. 15, 2011. This tragedy is one no teenager or family should ever have to endure. Below are the names of additional LGBT youth who have completed suicide or been murdered in only the past three years:
Jamey Rodemeyer, 14 years old, Williamsville, N.Y.
Justin Aaberg, 15 years old, Andover, Minn.
Seth Walsh, 13 years old, California
Asher Brown, 13 years old, Texas
Billy Lucas, 15 years old, Indiana
Tyler Clementi, 18 years old, New Jersey
Raymond Chase, 19 years old, Rhode Island
Carl Walker, 11 years old, Springfield, Mass.
Angie Zapata, 18 years old, Greeley, Colo. (murdered)
Eric Mohat, 17 years old, Ohio
Lawrence King, 15 years old (murdered)
This article is my third in less than three years about teen bullying and the tragedy of suicide among LGBT youth. Today, I write an almost identical article with practically the same statistics that I have written for the past two years. According to Massachusetts' 2009 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, LGBTQ youth are over four times more likely to attempt suicide. A 2009 study, "Family Rejection as a Predictor of Negative Health Outcomes," led by Dr. Caitlin Ryan and conducted as part of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, shows that adolescents who were rejected by their families for being LGBT were 8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide. The rate of victimization among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) students has remained constant between 1999 and 2009, the latest date for which there are statistics, according to the National Climate Survey conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN).
Once again, I feel my stomach doing backflips as I engage in dialogue about the homophobia and hatred entrenched in our culture. I have been having this conversation since I was an undergraduate student at, of all places, Rutgers University (where Tyler Clementi was harassed until he completed suicide last year), which is a place where I felt safe, accepted and free to explore and embrace diversity.
Reports indicate that Jamie Rodemeyer's suicide was preceded by severe harassment on social networking sites, including taunts like, "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!" according to local reports. Another post read, "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone WAY more happier!"
Alarming research conducted by Sara Konrath and Edward O'Brien at the University of Michigan indicates that empathy among young adults and college students has dropped significantly since 2000. They indicate that the fast-paced online world of social networking makes it easier to shut out the problems of others when we just don't feel like listening.
This research, together with the most recent example at Williamsville High (Rodemeyer was a freshman there), where, according to ACLU bullying expert Chris Hampton, the school's bullying policies, like those of other suburban Buffalo school districts, don't go far enough, begin to paint a picture of why our schools are failing to protect our youth.
"You can't just vaguely put something out there and say bullying is not nice," said Hampton, who reviewed the anti-bullying policy common to local suburban districts. "With young people, you have to say exactly what you can't do," she said.
None of this changes the fact that we have a government that sanctions homophobia and discrimination. When our potential future Republican presidents stand in silence while witnessing a gay soldier being booed by hecklers at a potitical debate, we are teaching our children that hate and intolerance are acceptable. When we uphold laws that sanctify marriage as only valid between men and women, we are teaching our kids to hate. When 28 states in our country can still legally fire LGBT people from their jobs and 33 states can legally fire transgendered people from their jobs, we are teaching our kids to hate.
My heart overflows with compassion for our LGBT youth who felt they had no alternative except to complete suicide. My compassion overflows for their families. Also, I feel compassion for the young people who have learned to perpetrate hate and violence. Children are taught to hate and fear diversity in their homes, schools (26 percent of LGBT youth are kicked out of their homes when they come out of the closet) and churches.
It follows that when kids learn to hate at home, the next place they express it is in school. Research conducted by GLSEN in 2009 indicates that nine out of 10 LGBT youth report harassment in school. I have said repeatedly that it lies on the shoulders of our social institutions: schools, churches/synagogues/mosques, families and communities to teach our children acceptance before they continue hurting each other, and before they become adults who will likely hand their hatred to future generations.
In the April 18, 2011 issue of Pediatrics was a study conducted by Robert Hatzenbuehler, "The Social Environment and Suicide Attempts in a Population-Based Sample of LGB Youth," which illustrates that a negative social environment surrounding lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) youth is associated with high rates of suicide attempts by those youth. Dr. Hatzenbuehler found that LGB youth living in a social environment that was more supportive of gays and lesbians were 25 percent less likely to attempt suicide than LGB youth living in environments that were less supportive.
Of course these social environments are composed of individuals, and it is with each of us individually where the process of dissolving hatred and intolerance begins. We must each look into our own hearts and ask, "How in my life and in my consciousness have I contributed to the perpetuation of homophobia, violence, hatred and intolerance of differences? How can I heal this within me and participate in healing it among our children, schools, churches and governments?"
October is National Bullying Prevention Month, therefore a perfect time, whether you are LGBTQ or straight, black, white, Asian, Latino, disabled or simply identify as a human being, to come out against hatred and bullying. It is a perfect time to take a stand for the expression of love of all beings regardless of differences. This is a time to send the message that as human beings inhabiting this planet, we have a right to fully express the deepest truth of who we really are.
It is time to forgive ourselves for our silence and for perpetuating this treachery. As I let my tears and anguish flow for the collective pain we have as a culture for allowing this to happen to our children, I implore you to do the same. Let your tears go, reveal your pain, as you ask yourself, "How could we let this happen to our children?!" And, when you are finished crying, stand up, declare, "No more!" and add your fire to the flame of love that we must light to guide the way for our young people. They deserve to live long lives fully embraced, nurtured and loved in the truth of who they are, regardless of seeming differences among sexual orientation, race or gender.
If you are a young LGBTQ person reading this who needs resources, please, know there are people who care about you and that there is support available (see below).
For help, go to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or call 800-273-TALK.
Also call the Trevor Project Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
Please also visit the It Gets Better Project.
Follow Jason Mannino on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jasonmannino
It Gets Better Project | Give hope to LGBT youth
The Trevor Project - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Sadly, most heterosexual adults participate in bullying against LGBT citizens. We can not expect our children to change their behavior until the adults change theirs.
This isn't a YOUTH problem, it's an ADULT problem.
Children see the way the adults around them treat LGBT citizens, they see the way the United States government treats LGBT citizens. They see the way churches and 'men of god' treat LGBT citizens. So it is time for US, the ADULTS, to admit that our children are simply carrying out the behavior toward LGBT children that they see US carrying out towards LGBT adults.
We can not blame children for this. We TAUGHT them to do this.
It is mentally oppressive to know that society considers you immoral and undeserving of Constitutional protection. It is shameful and demeaning to be reduced to a captured voting block who has to vote Democrat to prevent the GOP from gaining a majority. Obama is a worse Gay Bully than many jerks like Santorum as we can spot Santorum and his ilk. But when the President of the United States take action to block the finality of the court decision affirming your inalienable right to Liberty, it can be very depressing.
Unlike Blacks, Jews, Catholics, Gays are not born into Gay families. Gays are born into isolation, and the idiotic stereotypes which both the gay and the straight community project for Gays are reprehensible.
All but one of my kids is out on his or her own now. I'm looking forward to the day when Number Seven (actually Number Six, a late starter) has his own place and I can concentrate on the next stage of my life, which is all about getting a nap.
That said, if I knew of a kid whose life was so miserable that he or she is thinking of suicide, I'd open my home to him or her again if there was no one else available to do so. Kids deserve to be loved for who they are and should be allowed to follow their own path. They deserve to have someone there to pick them up and get them started again when they make mistakes and give them unconditional love and clear guidelines on what the right path in life includes. And that path does not include being taught how to hate --- either yourself or others.