Homophobia: Healing It From The Inside Out

"There must be radical healing of the gatekeepers if our globe is to truly be healed." Malidoma Some; World Leader in Spirituality & Heterosexual Ally.

Taking a stand for love in this world has always been a part of my life's mission. With the recent deaths of the remaining parental figures in my biological lineage comes an urgent call from the depths of my being. This call makes it clear, once again, that in life every millisecond is to be spent living in absolute alignment with who I really am.

Living boldly in my full authenticity means knowing that every part of who I am is a gift -- including my sexual orientation. I took a courageous stand for myself when I came out of the closet in 1989. I was seventeen and Ronald Reagan had just vacated the White House (need I say more). It was a time when legal protection for LGBT people was rarer than it is today. In this political climate it would have been easy to buy into self-loathing, even take my own life as too many young LGBT people still do (see my article: Homophobia is Killing Our Youth). However, my inner experience of unconditional love was greater than my internalized homophobia.

Flash forward to the precipice of the new decade on which we stand. We still live in a world where too many LGBT people have unconsciously held onto the poisonous, negative beliefs about sexual orientation that our society, churches, and government still force feed. Eleven years after the death of Matthew Shepard, Wyoming (the state where he was murdered) along with 18 other states and the federal government still do not have hate crimes legislation that protect LGBT people (actually, fully inclusive hate crimes legislation landed on Obama's desk for signaure as this article was submitted). Thirty one states -- along with the Federal government -- can still fire people from their jobs on the basis of sexual orientation. Every day thousands of lesbians and gay men who can be fired for telling the truth about their sexual orientation stand side by side with fellow soldiers in our armed forces. As I write, people in Maine are trying to take away marriage rights from LGBT people just as they did here in California last year

Homophobia doesn't stop at the cultural or social level. This plague penetrates the depths of our unconscious whether we are straight or gay. I witness the results of homophobia consistently among my clients, when a client has an "a-ha" moment realizing that old, shameful beliefs about their sexual orientation still pervade their life experience. For instance, I have career coaching clients who realize that stress at work is sourced in the dire need to be accepted as a result of judgments about being "different" due to sexual orientation. I have coached clients who have wondered why they were experiencing challenges attracting a life mate until they uncovered negative, homophobic beliefs like, "Loving relationships are only supposed to be between men and women."

Although religious and governmental institutions can inhibit legal rights, true liberation can be achieved by releasing ourselves from the illusory shackles of the beliefs that our sexual orienation is an affliction. LGBT people are gifted with a unique role to play in the conscious evolution of humanity. When we liberate ourselves from the internalized shame we hold about our sexuality, and reclaim the connection between our sexuality and spirit we can step fully into playing that role. Malidoma Patrice Some, PhD, Author, Elder, Diviner and gay ally speaks frequently about the perception of homosexuality in indigenous cultures.

He had this to say in an interview with M.E.N. Magazine:

The gay person is looked at primarily as a "gatekeeper." The Earth is looked at, from my tribal perspective, as a very, very delicate machine or consciousness, with high vibrational points, which certain people must be guardians of in order for the tribe to keep its continuity with the gods and with the spirits... Any person who is at this link between this world and the other world experiences a state of vibrational consciousness which is far higher, and far different, from the one that a normal person would experience. This is what makes a gay person gay. This kind of function is...one that people are said to decide on prior to being born. You decide that you will be a gatekeeper before you are born...To then limit gay people to simple sexual orientation is really the worst harm that can be done to a person.... And, personally, because of the fact that my knowledge of indigenous medicine, ritual, comes from gatekeepers, it's hard for me to take this position that gay people are the negative breed of a society. No! In a society that is profoundly dysfunctional, what happens is that peoples' life purposes are taken away...This is again victimization by a Christian establishment that is looking at a gay person as a disempowered person... This is not justice... It is a terrible harm done to an energy that could save the world, that could save us. If, today, we are suffering from a gradual ecological waste, this is simply because the gatekeepers have been fired from their job. This is not fair!

Next April, we as a community have an opportunity to answer our call to greatness whether LGBT or a straight ally by attending the first liberation conference: Liberation, 2010. Liberation 2010 is a conference being directed by kindred spirit, and friend Mark Anthony Lord, Founder and Spiritual Director of Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago and his co-host August Gold, who is the Spiritual Director of Sacred Center New York. They are calling LGBT people, families, friends, and straight allies to come together and go on an inward journey to uncover and heal the toxic, homophobic beliefs that keep us from radiating our brilliance and answering our call to greatness. Lord has called on powerful spiritual leaders of the 21st Century including Byron Katie, Gay Hendricks and Malidoma Some to be with us during this conference and support us in healing this plague. When each of us heals one piece of ourselves we contribute to the healing and conscious evolution of the whole world.

I spent some time with Lord and asked what is inspiring him to call this conference now:

Well, the reason gay marriage didn't pass in CA is not because of politics. It is because of religion. Religion is what is blocking the rights that GLBT people deserve. I want to help LGBT people discover that wholeness lies with us. Before we change the world we have to change the way we view the world. If we are looking through a lense of our own homophobia we stay stuck blaming rather than changing. The way to truly create change is to rise above those concepts and be a vibration of love.

Check back for my full interview with Mark Anthony Lord.

To get involved go to the Liberation 2010 website: www.liberation2010.com

*** Learn more about Jason Mannino at www.jmannino.com

Follow Jason Mannino on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jasonmannino

Comments

[GodYesOrNo]

My gay friends told me how the folks in the closet represented who they really were & prehaps didn't know it or were in denile.
I didn't believe it at first but see it more & more now.
GodYesOrNo.com

[huffpostreader10000]

One of my coworker is gay but he seems one of those that avoids speaking about it. He certainly isn't in the closet because others also suspect he is gay (and they don't care), and I've run into him outside of work several times with another guy who was obviously gay. He introduced him to me as his 'friend'. It really bugs me that my coworker is making such a big deal of trying not to make a big deal of his sexuality. We are in an open minded environment and he still probably feels like he might be 'asking to be treated especially' or 'it's no one's business' if he mentioned it even in passing. And all the time other heteros talk about their boyfriends­/girlfrien­ds and wives/husbands etc. I'm wondering if I should start mentioning things in front of him in such a way as to engage him in gay issues.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Jason, You are hitting an incredible stride in your writing, your thinking and your ability to stand up and represent so many others voices. Your work on processing your father's death was amazing, and now, again you bring us a piece full of power and punch.
It is so painful for me to see gay and lesbian friends persecuted, and to have adolescents use gay type slang not thinking of its impact.
Keep shining that light of truth out there, my friend.
kari

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi brother Jason, You ROCK I love the video

Deb and I have had the joy of interviewing Malidoma Some; his quote is spot on
"There must be radical healing of the gatekeepers if our globe is to truly be healed." World Leader in Spirituality & Heterosexual Ally.

May we all continue to bring awareness to the ignorance that separates people. Homosexuality is normal hate and prejudice is abnormal. Life would be so boring if we were all the same.

Religion often separates us

for me

ISMS are now WASIMS

Our book

BE THE CHANGE - How Meditation Can Transform You and the World will be published Nov 3rd

Let us all be the change .... I look forward to April 2010

Onward,

Ed

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Whoa, Jason,

This is a powerful piece! You've taken this conversation to a whole new level and it so makes sense.

Not only are you a gatekeeper, you're a door opener. What you write here is so important for the world to get.

I'm honored to share this journey with you,
Judith

[xenas mom]

"Although religious and governmental institutions can inhibit legal rights, true liberation can be achieved by releasing ourselves from the illusory shackles of the beliefs that our sexual orienation is an affliction." I would counter, though, that the inhibition (and worse) of legal rights is a powerful symbol that we remain "second-class citizens" in the eyes of too many people in this country. It is extraordinarily difficult to "see" oneself as a "first-class" citizen of the US, when there are people actively working to delay, if not destroy the progress made in these last few decades. While I agree with the ideals of true liberation, as espoused in this article, I know how difficult daily life is when one is faced with job and housing discrimination without protection, and a barrage of messages about how one is "not good enough" for rights extended to the majority. Thank you for your comments and your obvious sincerity.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

I have great compassion for your perspective, and understand well where you are coming from. It is indeed a very challenging journey. However, I assert the possibility that if you wait to see your freedom externally before experiencing it internally it may very well never happen.

I would encourage you to pick up a book by Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning, he was a psychologist who survived the horrors of Auschwitz and largely attributed his survival to the ability to continue to maintain freedom internally.

Thank you for adding your voice to the dialogue
Jason

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Hello Jason,

What you write here is so true in my experience. We can only really heal ourselves of our issues from the inside out. Our issues can in turn become our blessings - both for ourselves and others.

Well done for stepping forward and standing up for your truth and caring to communicate it into our world. We are the richer for you and your message.

With love and blessings to you,
Anne

[brooklyncitizen]

Recently I read about Oscar Wilde's life and was disturbed to learn what he had to go through simply because of his sexual orientation.

Yet I think what is perplexing and threatening to many is the issue of a community that's defined by sexual orientation. The LGBT communty is as broad and as diverse as the hetero community yet it is its sexual orientation that sets it apart from mainstream.Other than that it is diverse in the same ways the straight community is diverse: socio economically, racially, politically etc.

Your openning line is the best we can all hope for: to take a stand for love.Thank-you for this reminder.

[Malkin72]

This message could be applied to other communities as well.

There are many black people who hold beliefs about blacks and society that hold them back as well, for example.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, I think that's a wise and accurate observation.

thank you for sharing
Jason

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Jason,

I must repeat your words: "Taking a stand for love in this world has always been a part of my life's mission." Not only are they beautiful, Jason, this is what you live. The message, I believe , is one sorely needed in every place of worship, every school, every place where our government attends our business. Bravo.

Love,
Cara

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Ah, Cara:

I love the warmth you exude. Thank you for your acknowledgment and for being part of this journey.

Love,
Jason

[w0rld0fw0rcraft]

What was the proportion of homosexuals to the general population back in 500BC? 500AD? 1500AD? 2000AD? I wonder if it's growing and why?

[Grada3784]

In other species, there might be a link between increases in the behaviors and population growth; I could guess from that, that it might be pheromone related.

It certainly might be well worth exploring.

[Arithrianos]

I have never heard the theory of gatekeepers before, but as a gay person who in all humility does vibrate quite highly it seems true, at least as far as i can see. Those who have overcome self hatred due to internal homophobia have naturally increased their love muscles (compassion, not that other thing, you gutter thinker ;-) and so have naturally more capasity to love unconditionally than most. It took years of debilitating clinical depression before i was able to accept that i was one of those who i was taught as a child was a childmolesting satan worshiping death loving hater of freedom and democracy who was out to destroy Western Civilization. Really a lot to work through but boy am i glad now, it makes it so much easier to love. My parents amazingly come along on my journey and are now accepting of me and homosexuality in general, really amazing for people of their generation. And of course may everone be a vibration of love always, it is so much more blissful than vibrating fear.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Arithrianos;

I feel you have hit the nail on the head here. I feel strongly that because of what many of us go through on our journey to love it is actually part of our collective purpose to help others gain a deeper understanding of what love really is.

Thank you for sharing this!
Jason

[Gnrshrtd]

This blog makes me uncomfortable. To me it reads like a stereo-type. Yes, one with a positive spin, but nevertheless just another stereo-type. (To his credit, the author rightly does not put the emphasis on the behavior, but rather on the orientation of the individual...)

I do agree strongly with the author's point that the power lies in chosing our own identity, rather than being labelled by others. Therein lies the opportunity for self empowerment and positive self image.

I don't see any long term benefit in basing a new stereo-type on a religious paradigm just because it has a positive lean. Gay people vary in uncountable ways, just as straight people do.

We don't need a new stereo-type, we need less stereo-typing.

[PlaceboStudman]

One of the things we might want to consider, is another cultural change in the terminology we use. While sexual orientation is definitely a step forward from "sexual preference", the real key issue is, to me, the "sexual" part.

When many people hear "sexual orientation", they atomatically think of "sex" without the "uality" part, meaning, of or related to but not exactly. We have become accustomed to finding it acceptable to focusing on the sex acts, and not the emotions and feelings, drives and desires that occur in a person's mind, heart, and soul long before they ever physically express those feelings.

In college, when I was an active member of my LGBT college support group, we were encouraged to use the term "affectional orientation", because we aknowledged and understood that it was our love and affection and compassion for one another that defined our relationships, not what we did behind closed doors with the person we have those feelings for

[GO-BAMA]

I agree that terminology can have an effect on the climate of social movements ... to a point. I think too much emphasis on phrasing can have a counterproductive effect by becoming the issue, and not merely tools to work out the issue. I disagree that "affectional orientation" is an appropriate phrase to describe ... well, anything. Mostly because, well, I have affection for my male friends, but I could never be "in love" with them, because I am a heterosexual. "Affection" simply means a tender emotional attachment, and does not have any explicitly sexual or even romantic implications, unlike "heterosexual", "homosexual" or "sexual orientation" - all terms that speak directly, and appropriately to the point. Using words or phrases that are indirect and even inaccurate because their usage would make immature and uneducated people, in theory, more comfortable with the topic is absurd because it sweeps the real issue under the carpet, which is: why are people so uncomfortable with the topic of sex to begin with?

[PlaceboStudman]

why are people so uncomfortable with the topic of sex to begin with?

Because of the affects of the Abrahamic religions, and their belief in "sanctity" of sex and marriage, and things that are considered "sanctimonious" are taboo to discuss and debate and research

[Norak]

Thank you for a thoughtful post. i was raised in a Latin country where straight as well as gay men showed each other affection with hugs and honesty.Women have always had that privilege. There was no snickering or raised eyebrows, no awkwardness. I think we are a Puritan country and any display of outward affection embarrasses us, particularly older generations, let alone the thought of what goes on in private. Some religions preach actively against same-sex liaisons and i really don't know why they find it threatening. I hope Obama does away with "Don't Ask,don't Tell." It was I suppose helpful at the time, but let's hope we've reached beyond that. Lifting that caveat would go a long way toward equality. So would same-sex marriage.

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

Dedicated to living LOVE! Thank you for celebrating your unique gifts in this wonderful post.

The only way you can heal is from the Inside Out!!!

Be The Change. Be Your FABULOUS!

Love,
Eli Davidson

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Eli for being an ally in this mission :-)

Love,
Jason