Today is a significant day for silence, youth, and our schools. Today, across the country schools will participate in a National Day of Silence to protest the homophobic bullying that is killing teenagers and honor those whose lives have been taken by the barbaric hands of hatred.
In less than two years there have been four brutal teenage deaths resulting from homophobic bullying. Just last week Carl Walker, an eleven year old in Springfield, Massachusetts , who never actually identified as gay, hung himself with an extension cord from the 3rd floor landing of his home. This was after his mother repeatedly implored his school to do something about the homophobic bullying he experienced. Last summer a transgendered teenager, Angie Zapata, was brutally murdered in Greeley, Colorado. Last February Eric Mohat, a 17-year old student from Ohio, who also never identified as gay, committed suicide after being repeatedly harassed with anti-gay epithets such as "fag" and "homo." His school went to trial last month as a lawsuit was filed by his parents, not because they want the school's money, but because they want to know why the school didn't respond to several requests for action. Also, last year, Lawrence King, a fifteen year old who identified as gay, was shot in the head twice in his English class. He died a few days later. His heart was donated the day after Valentine's day.
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Education Network) and Harris Interactive recently conducted a study called "From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, A Survey of Students and Teachers." The study illustrates that 33% of teens report that students are frequently harassed because they are openly or are perceived to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual. It also shows that LGBT students are three times as likely to say that they do not feel safe at school and 90% of LGBT students state that they have been harassed or assaulted.
Watch these homophobic teenagers in action:
San Juan High School Gay Protest (Anti GLSEN) - The most popular videos are a click away
The FBI shows hate crimes based on sexual orientation to be the third most prevalent type. Regardless, George Bush vetoed the Matthew Shepard Act when it landed on his desk in 2007. This legislation would have protected people from hate crimes on the basis of perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. Wyoming, the state where Matthew Shepard was tortured and left tied to a fence to die in 1998, along with 18 other states, still does not have legislation that prosecutes hate crimes towards LGBT people.
Change has been a pervasive concept in our country over the past two years. Barack Obama's presidential election, along with the dissolution of our economic institutions, are catalysts for significant change. We need to start applying this same principal of change to the institution of hatred entrenched in our culture. The Greek philosopher Aristotle, and social psychology pioneer Albert Bandura have both shown that aggression and hatred are learned behaviors. If a child is taught to hate and fear diversity, then the next place he or she expresses that hate is at school. Ten percent of all hate crimes occur at schools and colleges. If hate is learned, then it lies on the shoulders of our schools, church officials, parents, teachers, and communities to teach our young kids acceptance before they continue hurting each other, and before they become adults who will likely pass their hatred to the next generation.
Dissolving hatred in our society starts with each of us on an individual level. Whether we are straight, LGBT, black, white or all shades in between, if we want to heal hate among youth we must engage in a process of introspective exploration to reveal where we ourselves have held onto hatred, ignorance, fear, and anger. Amidst all this homophobic murder, and without dismissing accountability; even those of us who feel justified in our animosity towards those who hate, must forgive our judgments. Hate in any form is still hate and it contributes to its survival. In the story of the crucifixion (whether myth or fact) Jesus says himself, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do."
I believe a direct result of my own marginalization has been the choice I have made to look inward and heal patterns of my own judgment and fear of those who choose to hate. My experience as a gay man in this society has generated in me a depth of compassion and empathy. This facilitates my understanding that people who choose to hate in the name of "their" God are simply immersed in a human experience that is built on irrationality, fear, hatred and ego; but for them, truthful, nonetheless. I choose to remember that those who choose to attack are attacking an illusion they have crafted in their own minds. Even those who have died in the name of self-love and expression have not truly died, because love that has known itself as long as man has existed cannot be destroyed. I cannot say when, but I have faith that one day those who attack in the name of "their" god will discover that they are also attacking themselves.
When we heal the hatred and anger that lies in our own hearts and come to stand steadfast in our loving we become a beacon of light for the youth of our world. Youth who deserve to live long lives fully embraced, nurtured, and loved in the truth of who they are, regardless of seeming differences among sexual orientation, race, or gender.
On this day when our youth silently protest violent homophobia, and honor those whose have been murdered or committed suicide, I implore you to take a few silent moments to begin to ask the tough questions: "Where in my own life do I harbor hatred, fear, anger, and what steps can I take to begin to resolve it?"
Follow Jason Mannino on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jasonmannino
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Beautiful, profound, and spot on. Thank you for talking about this charged topic, and encouraging us all to look inside - to be the change we wish to see.
The root of the problem is not a "straying from the norm" as much as it is an expression of resistance to a change in the power differential. By that I mean the underlying paradigm of male domination, patriarchy, inferiority of the female.
Bob Altemeyer has an excellent ebook available for free at http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
that provides a psychologically comprehensive analysis of what has essentially become "right wing" psychosis. It expresses itself as a hatred of anything that can be associated with "weakness." That would include ideas, policies or actions that protect women, children, minorities, or "others" who are perceived to be less than "the toughest," or "superior."
Reading that book completely changed the way I look at the authoritarian/totalitarian (and nihilistic) tendancies in our society.
In high school, I kept hearing demeaning homophobic language roften. I dated a boy who did horrible things to me that I didn't want. After breaking up with him two days later, I felt like I never wanted a boyfriend again. I blamed myself for being closeted: because I had "lied" to everyone around me about who I liked, I felt that I could never find true love. The shame I felt is hard to describe.
I finally came out right before turning 17 after realizing that gay people often hide for a while. My parents fully support me. During my senior year, I founded a controversial-but-successful gay-straight alliance at my school. Some of the kids who went there had no one else to turn to for support.
Thanks you!
Jason
As a survivor of bullying and homophobia, I cannot describe how painful it was. I am now attending a very accepting college. It feels great to be respected as a human being from everyone in my life for once.
I've felt different as long as I can remember, but no one ever told me about homosexuality until I heard about it from the homophobic school environment. In elementary school, my best friend and I were put down repeatedly because my classmates started a rumor that we had kissed.
In middle school, I heard homophobic slurs regularly. Kids would use them to put each other down. It was also then that I started feeling attracted to other girls. When I realized I was "gay," it felt extremely ashamed. I told myself that I would never tell anyone, and that I would eventually marry a man and live happily ever after. I started living in complete denial. I was also bullied in middle school (but not because I was perceived as gay) which was very traumatizing. I hated myself.
Thank you for this most important post. I applaud your openness and honesty.
Almost every time I lead a seminar, someone comes out of the closet to accept and celebrate who they are and declare themselves free of the fear that has kept them hiding from their own life.
The death of all these beautiful young people needs to be a wake up call for all of us. Hatred and bigotry s not what Jesus taught, yet so many hate crimes are committed in the name of defending religious beliefs.
We have much work to do to transform the hearts and minds of those who fear that sexual orientation unlike their own threatens them somehow. We must over turn Prop 8 here in CA.
Thank you so much for speaking out.
Many blessings to you,
Judith
And I agree, we must overturn props like Prop 8. State sanctified bigotry will only make dissolving the hatred in our culture more challenging!
Thanks so much for adding your voice of support to the dialogue!
Jason
Bless you for holding the vision of a world without hate.
Your Fan,
Eli
Thanks so much for adding your voice of support to this profoundly important dialogue!
Jason
Dr. Drew told him to try to fit in as normal....
I mean, really....
Why try to call attention to yourself in that way when you know that it might cause you a lot of difficulty?
Please don't put a Homo tag on it...
Kids have been and a few probably always will be bullies.
It is time though, to call out, not only their parents but the school administrators and teachers
who do nothing period...
But not every kid commits suicide either.
All kids really want is to be left alone and not bullied.
Kids today have a heck of a lot harder time than when I was in elementary
school in the sixties...
No one knew what gay meant then either.
I'm sorry but "Gayifying" every single thing in the world doesn't help either.
Did you even read this piece?
Did you miss that part?
Did you also miss the part where I suggested that the each and every one of us who holds hate inside of ourselves needs to heal regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender.
Yes, it seems you did.
And how is a kid supposed to stand up to bullies if they don't have the support of the adults who are supposed to be protecting them from it?
I suppose you also think that women who don't want to be raped shouldn't dress provocatively, right?
Your comments here are not only way off-base and insensitive, but are a hugely insulting slap in the face to the victims of bullying, and to their friends and families.
I fault the teachers and school administrators..they are there and do nothing....
And kids will pick whatever word is relevant...
As a parent, I have seen first hand the reality of teachers and school administrators who simply don't think anything further needs to be done, and therefore dump the bullying onto the shoulders of the victims. I have never yet encountered a teacher/Admin who did not say, "Well, there's only so much we can be expected to do."
While it is true that many gays are born with their sexual orientation predetermined, it is also true that many young people are victims of sexual abuse that damages their ability to lead what would have been their normal sexual lives. Matthew Sheppard is one example. He was violently assaulted as a young teen while in Morocco. He suffered terribly from emotional trauma, and later, drug abuse. Many girls likewise are "turned off" by heterosexual sex because of sexual abuse in their childhood.
This is a very real phenomenon in our society. I think some on the religious right are "projecting" some of their well-founded fear of sexual abuse onto the gay rights movement. I'm not sure, but it seems as though it might be true that we, as a society and through the media, shed much more attention on "gay rights" than we do on the issue of child sexual abuse and exactly what we're going to do to stop it. We shake our heads when it happens, then quickly move on to the next piece of news.
[continued below]
I don't say this to diminish the importance of fighting against the discrimination of GLBT people, but to open up a discussion of teenage sexual behavior in general. And by extension, sexual behavior in children and how to keep them safe. Parents, whether religiously motivated or not, care about protecting their children from inappropriate sexual exposure. If we implemented a comprehensive "sexual protection education" system instead of just SexEd, one that incorporated not only biological facts but moral facts as well, perhaps the fears of the homophobic right-wing would be lessened. And by "moral facts" I don't mean "religious beliefs." I mean the same humanistic, moral, ethical behaviors that Atheists teach their own children. Neither Christians nor any other religious group has the copyright on morality.
Let's talk about how we can make that happen, and allow respect -- not tolerance -- of GLBT at the same time.
http://www.gaypeopleschronicle.com/stories/00feb4.htm
Jason
They are wrong in their beliefs, wrong in bringing religion into the affairs of a public school, and wrong in misunderstanding the very essence of the laws of this country.
It is up to adults to make them understand. If their parents won't, then let it be their teachers.
The anti-gay rhetoric come out of the Anti-Gay Rights Movement is harming our youth, both straight and gay. No, it is not illegal to say gays are abomination and they're going to burn in hell, but it is morally wrong.
Free Speech has consequences, and the consequence of saying these things is gay and straight youth getting killed and committing suicide just because they exhibit characteristics that are perceived to be gay.
The Anti-Gay Right Movement is being irresponsible. To them these deaths are just collateral damage in their fight to prevent gays from having equal rights.
Communities, especially unprotected minorities, need to protect rights to assemble and protest.
This is not a call to make what they're saying illegal, but rather to speak to it, respond to it and call it for the immoral BS it is.