Sigourney Weaver And Cast Of Prayers For Bobby Offer Hope To LGBT Youth

Service comes in many forms. In my article last week I discussed how positive images in television are serving LGBT youth. As Pride month comes to completion this weekend with the largest celebrations occurring throughout the biggest cities in our country (New York, Chicago, San Francisco, etc.), Prayers For Bobby dominates my mind as one of these television movies that provides a significant service to humanity and even helps save lives. It deserves its own discussion.

Prayers for Bobby is a true story of profound tragedy that leads to personal transformation. Mary Griffith (played by Sigourney Weaver) could not reconcile her obsessive adherence to Christian Presbyterian dogma and her son Bobby's homosexuality. It engendered severe self-loathing in Bobby Griffith who threw himself off of a freeway overpass in 1983 when he was 20 years old, leading his mother to renounce her homophobia and fundamentalism and become a pro-gay activist.

Daniel Sladek, one of the Executive Producers on the film shared with me that Sigourney Weaver insisted on meeting Mary Griffith before accepting the role, "It was important to her to ensure that she had Mary Griffith's approval," he said. They visited Mary at her home north of San Francisco and after a meeting that went well, upon sitting with Weaver on Bobby's bed she declared, "We have a responsibility to get this right." Hearing this I realized that Weaver understands that at times an actor can accept a responsibility to help educate and transform our society. Weaver and the other actors in Prayers for Bobby knew that this is what they were up to. As a result Weaver is very well on her way to an Emmy Award for this film and was honored with the Trevor Life Award by the Trevor Project upon which she declared, ""I hope that films such as Prayers for Bobby will send messages of compassion and acceptance to all people, and compel them to create safer, all-encompassing environments for our young people." The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth.

Ryan Kelly who played Bobby in the movie states simply:

I just wanted to do my best to portray the struggle and anguish the real Bobby Griffith was going through, to hopefully show kids around the world that they are not alone. No matter how conflicted they are feeling inside.

Scott Bailey, is a straight actor who plays the role of Bobby's boyfriend. In a blog post he wrote:

I will never forget the energy and emotion on the set while filming Prayers for Bobby. The poignancy and importance of this story fueled a reverence and passion amongst producers, actors and crew alike which resulted in the most visceral movie-making I have ever experienced! Many people involved had experienced similar hardships "coming out" and all were united in wanting to open hearts and minds toward an understanding of homosexuality.

So what are some of the lessons these actors are teaching through their roles in Prayers for Bobby?

1. Unconditional love trumps religious dogma
It is challenging to hear a story of a mother whose rejection led her son to take his life. Nonetheless, what Weaver illustrates in Mary Griffith is the intense love that was always present throughout the Griffith family. Mary loved her son so much that she wanted nothing more than her adherence to a cartoon like idea of religion and god to save him. It took his tragic death for her to realize that it was her profound ignorance that killed him. At fifty year's old she renounced the beliefs she held her whole life, transformed her paradigms and stepped deeply into the unconditional love that she had for her son. She became an advocate for PFLAG (Parent's, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) accepting her role in ensuring that another family does not live this story.

2. There is nothing to "save"
Leroy Aaron's book (upon which this film is based) explains that the beginning of Mary's transformation came in a dream. She dreamed of her son as a baby, who although perfect and happy had an odd shaped head, but nonetheless was a divine child of God. She awoke to realize that the message in the dream was that God had not saved Bobby in the way for which she fervently prayed, because he was already perfect, homosexuality and all. Her attempt to "save" him was misguided.

3. Listen for the truth
The Griffith's tragedy illustrates what occurs when someone chooses to remain blindly entrenched in dogma as Mary Griffith did for the first fifty years of her life. As a result, she was unable to hear Bobby's truth. Listening for the truth means to listen beyond the words you hear. If Mary Griffith could hear Bobby's truth when he "came out," she would have heard, "Mom, I'm gay and I am still the son you gave birth to. I am in deep pain and I need you to love me for who I am not for who your dogma tells you I should be."

4. Stand up for what's right
This is a message from Scott Bailey's blog: "As a straight white guy I think it is right and important for me to stand up for the minority, don't you? I hope I'd have stood up to give my seat to Rosa Parks, don't you? I hope if I'd been a founding father I would have risked my life to create a better future, don't you? I hope if I'd been around during WWII that I would¹ve volunteered to fight for freedom, don't you? In this day and age I am proud to see an African American President, not merely because he is black but because he was the best man for the job, aren't you? I am also very disappointed that anyone in this great country is discriminated against, aren't you? I therefore think it is a moral imperative that movies like Prayers for Bobby are made and seen! DON'T YOU?!"

5. A few people can make a significant difference
Bobby's death ignited Mary Griffith's fierce advocacy for PFLAG (Parent, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). PFLAG was inspired by Jeanne Manford in 1972. The year prior she watched her gay son on television being thrown down an escalator at a Gay Rights Demonstration, which the police stood by and watched. In her anger and love for her son she marched with him in that year's Gay pride parade. As a result other young gay people approached her and asked her to talk to their parents. That was the beginning of PFLAG, which has grown into a national organization with 200,000 members and supporters, and local affiliates in more than 500 communities across the U.S. and abroad.

There's a scene in Prayers for Bobby where after Bobby's death, Mary Griffith is marching in the gay pride parade in San Francisco with PFLAG. She spots a young man watching the parade with a grim look on his face. He reminds her of Bobby. She steps out of the parade to go up to him and give him a hug. In that moment you see this young man's whole world shift.

Here are some examples solicited by the Prayers for Bobby website (www.prayersforbobby.com) that illustrate the impact this film has had, (which took Executive Producers Daniel Sladek, Chris Taaffe and David Permut twelve years to make):

I am writing to say thank you (although it doesn't even scratch the surface on the impact this story has made on my life). I happened to catch the movie on tonight while planning out how to end my life. I felt so connected to Bobby (almost like it was about my specific situation). I live in the southeast and being gay is worse than committing murder according to most churches I've been to. Despite all the stereotypes, oppression, and ignorance, we must band together, family, friends, and those going through "it" themselves. This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I almost didn't make it through the week. I know there are so many more young men out there in the same boat. We need love. We need compassion. We need to be given an opportunity to live.

Your story has saved my life. This movie was just in time for me. I never cry when I watch movies, but Prayers for Bobby really hits home with me. I'm 15 years old, bisexual, and I've always wanted to become a nun. My church has rejected me though, and I'm not welcome anymore at my church's youth service unless I am in the mood to be pinned against the wall. This movie has, indeed, saved my life. And I thank you for this.

I loved this movie so much. I cried from beginning to end. He is just like me and his mother is just like my mother. Everything she did my mom did. Everything that happened to Bobby in this movie happened to me in real life. I just don't want my life to end like his did. I know my mother loves me and I love her but she won't accept me for me.

I just wanted to thank you for making this movie. I know now that I'm not alone and I don't need to end my life like he did. I almost overdosed on pills a few months ago in my apartment alone. I was rushed to the hospital and I'm better now. This movie has helped me realize how many people are going through what I'm going through. Thank you.

If you are an LGBT youth reading this article know that we care about you and you have options. There are resources available to support you. Here is a list of national resources that serve LGBT youth.

Please share your stories and comments below.

Prayers for Bobby is under consideration for Primetime Emmys, including Best Made for Television Movie, Sigourney Weaver for Best Actress, and Ryan Kelley for Best Supporting Actor. The film will have a special screening with a panel discussion including cast and producers on Sunday, July 19, 2009 at 12pm at the DGA as part of Outfest 2009. The film premiered on January 24, 2009 to 3.8 million viewers and was aired again on June 23, 2009

In an ever-changing world Jason's coaching empowers you to start living life on your terms, creating a career and life based on personal integrity and authenticity! Learn more at www.jmannino.com and request a free copy of Jason's e-book: Mind Your Mind, Manage Your Thoughts: Tips to Turn Your Mind Into Your Ally by e-mailing [e-mail]

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Comments

[Decipherer]

If I may say so, having been raised in the South as a Presbyterian in the 1950s and '60s, there is little about the denomination that can or should accurately be referred to as "dogma," much less something that could be construed as being anti-gay. To conflate the teachings of the Presbyterian Church with Mary Griffith's personal beliefs prior to her son's tragic death is unfair to the church.

People harbor their own views and prejudices for a host of reasons, notwithstanding the religious views they may also hold.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm guessing you haven't read the book or seen the movie. I would encourage you to do so and then reconsider your assertion.

Thank you for sharing!

Jason

[zest]

I just love Sigourney.

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

The film, Prayers for Bobby, proves that a movie can save a life.

So can a blog post can help others how to list

Your work is so vitally important to so many. LGBT issues are not issues of sexual orientation, they are issues of ignorance. Any person that is residing in their authentic nature makes no differentiation due to outer circumstancnes. In the sea of love that is our essence we are all Spiritual beings having a wide variety of human experiences.

Bless you for sharing this!

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Gosh! I love your energy and your support. SOOO grateful I am!

Love,
Jason

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Jason - I look forward to your blogs and wonder what is Jason's going to say today... you always have me curious .. and pleasantly surprised..

who or what am I going to open my heart to today?

and yup my favorite theme always is * Unconditional love *

and as the Dalai Lama says if science can prove religion wrong ..he goes with science

I believe that religion is often used and abused by power hungry ego-centered men who have no heart. Rarely do we have a Gandhi or a Dalai Lama or an Obama who think with their heart.

Life without heart is dry.. religion without Unconditional love is like being in a desert with one drop of water.

Jason ROCKS!

Ed

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Hello Jason,

What a powerful and touching blog. Really you speak for anyone that does not fit a conventional norm in your heartfelt plea for greater acceptance, understanding and compassion. I am inspired by what you have written. Keep up your wonderful work - I am sure that many will be blessed by and through it.

With love,
Anne

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Anne

Thanks for your voice of support and encouraging words, and for adding your love to this message!

blessings,
Jason

[Shawn Fraine]

I was one of those 3.8 million people. I rarely cry, but I definitely did. My family has always been fairly Christian, which (unfortunately) usually means that they are intolerant. In my Church we were always taught that everyone is created equal and that we should treat everyone equally...except Homosexuals. Well, from early on I saw the flaw. I was the type of kid that spoke my mind and so I did. I told my sunday school teacher that it didn't make sense, why is everyone better than that group. I wasn't allowed in sunday school again...

My teenage years were filled with depression and thoughts of suicide. I knew I was gay, but I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be hated...but I just didn't have the emotions for girls.

After Prayers for Bobby, I think my family started to realize some things also. Things in my life have changed now...my family saw the movie and figured out that I never had a choice. I haven't talked to my grandfather for 5 years because he didn't understand and i didn't feel like hearing about it...in a few days I will be seeing him for the first time.

I now am a Proud Gay Man....and I'm trying to make a difference. I've started a group on facebook and am trying to get something started on the ground...

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=130780999376

Thanks you Jason for bringing this forward!

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for sharing, and for your much needed work! Keep going!

blessings!
Jason

[Chlowina]

I personally was unable to watch the movie. My son came out after the death of Matthew Shephard and I was that presbyterian mother. Then the movie came out and I went to pieces. I don't think I could relive the pain and guilt I felt from my own past brainwashed religious beliefs which caused me to turn against the greatest person in my life. My son whom we adore and support.

With a sad heart, I read today the Conservative group opposed the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act. I am filled with so many emotions and none of them are good. And to think the majority of these people are "christians" and "children of God".

But I will pray for all 100,000 people who signed this petition that they may be filled with the love of a caring, forgiving and loving God and their eyes may be opened to the fact that we are all created equal and there is no reason to discriminate against anyone.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for sharing from your heart, and for your honesty. We are all children of god, I think it's the Christians you refer to here that, unfortunately, don't see that quite yet.

The tide is turning, it's only timing at this point I think.

blessings!
Jason

[antaeus]

Thank you. This film cannot be promoted enough. When some non-gays wonder at our push for civil rights, they sometime misperceive the movement as one about adults seeking comfort and privilege. The reality is that it's about saving children and teens from an unnecessary struggle with overwhelming distress.

As the horrific video of the "gay exorcism" from Connecticut shows (and if you haven't seen it, you must), there are still misguided Americans inflicting harm on gay kids. These "interventions" range from the dangerous to the absurd: forced church attendance, unethical psychological treatment, or in my own case, forced courting with one of the junior-class lesbians (kill two birds, I imagine, was the thinking on the part of the principal).

Parents who reject their gay children are child abusers. It's a simple truth.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for sharing your voice in support of moving this issue forward!

Take care!
Jason

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Jason,

Yours is such a powerful voice for the LGBT community. Your passion and commitment to this cause leave an indelible imprint on my heart.

Thank you for giving a voice to thousands of young people who need to be heard, seen and accepted as they are. I've worked with so many young people who have been rejected by their parents, like in this movie. I pray the movie will have a powerful impact on parents who think they know better what is best for their LBGT children.

Our prayers are with you and them.

Much love,
Judith

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks so much for your powerful voice of support. I am deeply appreciative of your feedback, and you keep speaking up for our Iranian women!

Love,
Jason

[SouthJerseySteve]

I could not view the movie because it was too personal -- I tried twice to commit suicide at 19 years old.
Had a movie like this been made in the late 1970's, my family may have changed their attitudes sooner than later.

Now, at 49, I am in a long-term relationship and my family has turned 150 degrees (not quite 180). They have long accepted my life and partner but still oppose same-sex marriage. I am not the same person I was in my teens and twenties. Someday, I will be able to watch this movie -- I am a fan of Sigourney Weaver and am sure she did great justice to the character.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

thanks so much for sharing your story. I hope others read this and see where you were and where you are now!

Great love to you!
Jason

[superstition]

"A smart Senate and House leader would immediately bring up for a vote the repeal of DOMA while the Republicans are reeling from their second (adultery) eruption in a week.

Let the Republicans start talking about the protection of traditional marriage. Just let them. If anything, the DOMA repeal FORCES the entire country to keep talking about the ongoing GOP sex scandals."

-- John Aravosis

Unfortunately, we have things like this to deal with:
http://www.americablog.com/2009/06/obama-justice-department-defends-doma.html

Our LGBT youth would have a lot brighter outlook and better outcomes if their President and Democratic Congress would lead us forward out of the anachronistic heterosexi­st/homopho­bic past. Attitudes do trickle down. "Gay" has replaced "bad" in our youth's lexicon precisely because kids take cues from their elders. They learn from our political leaders that homosexuality is wrong/bad, and thus they started using the word for homosexuality to express wrongness/badness.

It's time to move beyond stories of tragic LGBT youth and to "what the heck is the leadership not doing?" outrage. This isn't the sixties. 70% of Americans want DADT ended, yet kids today are still learning that gay people aren't good enough for the military from our Democratic leadership.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

excellent commentary. I appreciate it, and i agree. thank you!

[TheBlackCat]

Great post. Couldn't agree more.

[mollymac]

wonderfully said. Thank you for your insight.

[LMPE]

These Christians* who base their lives on homophobia need to be reminded that Jesus preached tolerance. Too bad that Mary Griffith had to learn that the hard way. I hope to see this movie eventually.

*It seems that all religious fundamentalism - at least in the Abrahamic faiths - promotes homophobia.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

LMPE:

Thanks for sharing, I would go even one step further, Jesus preached more than tolerance he preached love and acceptance.

Light ahead!

[TheBlackCat]

This video is available in 9 parts on Youtube with pretty good quality. It's worth watching, Sigourney Weaver is excellent.

[Jazmo]

Beautiful. Can you send this to Perez Hilton so he can understand what a role model truly is, how change is truly made, and what words can mean? It's still so sad that Bobby felt it necessary to take his own life, but imagine the lives his mother has touched since then. Sometimes beauty springs from sacrifice. Thank you for a beautiful piece.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

I've considered bringing the Perez issue forward in an article here. :-)

We'll see.

Thank you for you input.

Jason

[ChelseaC]

Jason,
Well said.
Thank you.

[ChelseaC]

I cried during this movie--Weaver's performance was superb.
I lost a gay friend to suicide--bigotry leads to suicide.