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Jason P. Stadtlander Headshot

Your Ducking Conversations Censored

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All of us who have iOS (and a filthy mouth) and text, email or otherwise chat know how irritating it can be to have your colorful metaphors changed to "ducking," "shot" and "Damon" and so on through the censorship of Apple.

Unfortunately the situation often presents itself when you are already frustrated and trying to express your frustration to a friend when your iPhone or iPad decides that it will help you express yourself with its (not so) wonderful auto-correct features.

The iOS is programmed in such a way that not only does it try to auto-correct profanity, but it also censors "hot-button" words such as "ammo," "bullet," "rape" and "abortion." If you don't spell them exactly right, then you won't get any recommendations on correct spelling.

Get typing fast in an email and you could end up misspelling or completely changing the meaning of what you intend to type. For example, I frequently sign off on an email with "Warm Regards" or "Kind Regards" to which iOS recently decided to change to "Warm Retards." Thank goodness I frequently re-read what I type before sending or I could have gotten some very strange looks from the recipient.

Here are some amusing texts that I've encountered resulting from auto correct madness:

  • Intending to say "I love you" to my father, I instead say, "I blog you."
  • A friend sends me a text telling me: "I hate this ducking car, it never works right. I'll be by as soon as I can."
  • To which I reply: "No", then say "MP" then finally get out what I want to say "NP" (meaning, no problem)
  • A friend of mine sent someone a text that read "but thread" when they meant to say "butt head"
  • Someone texts me to let me know they are dropping someone off but instead says "Chopping her off, but will be by soon."
  • Going to a dinner party, someone means to say they'll bring Italian Bread, but instead says they will be bringing over "Taliban Bread."
  • Girl sends a text to her friend intending to say "I rode my beachcruiser to work today", but instead says "I rode my grandchildren to work today."

So, is there any good way to teach your phone how to let you talk right? No, not really, aside from being more careful when typing.

I've read several articles that recommend adding contacts with words that you want it to auto-correct for. It seems like a great idea, until you go to look through your contacts and find it peppered with a profanity parade.

What are some of your amusing auto-corrects?

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