03/08/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Quit Crying Double-Standard Over Phelps

There is no bigger fan of racial double-standards than yours truly. But those of you looking for one inside Michael Phelps' bong are misguided, stuck in the 1960s and worship at the Church of Al Sharp-tongue.

Don't send me any more e-mails complaining that if Phelps were black, he'd be dropped by his sponsors, locked in a cell next to O.J. Simpson and banned from all international competition.

If Phelps had dark skin and answered to "Jerome Washington," he'd be headed to Disney World, toting the Super Bowl MVP trophy he stole from James Harrison and Big Ben Roethlisberger.

Yeah, America gives its marketable, talented and wealthy weed-smokers the Santonio Holmes treatment. We forgive and quickly forget.

Oh, I know there's a pattern of misbehavior with Michael Phelps. The cops busted him driving under the influence four years ago.

Well, the cops pinched Holmes twice in 2006, busting him for disorderly conduct and domestic violence -- the charges were eventually dropped after smooth lawyering -- and nabbed him ridin' dirty (three blunts) last October.

Mickey Mouse doesn't care, and neither do you.

America's war on drugs is a scam to lock up poor people, a prop to advance political careers and an easy way for corrupt police and politicians to funnel millions of untraceable dollars into their own pockets.

And you really want to play the if-so-and-so-was-black game over a dorky white swimmer pulling on a bong? Are you really that simple-minded?

The black president smoked weed. Rush Limbaugh was a junkie. Brett Favre had a fling with prescriptions. In college, I was Saddam Hussein and Crown and Chronic were my weapons of mass destruction.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite and blast this kid for blowing trees. And I'm not going to rip his sponsors for remaining loyal.

Michael Phelps knows how to play the game. He's quick with the contrite, toke(n) apology and he maintains a boy-next-door image.

Someone e-mailed me saying the media would be tougher on an NBA player captured on Kodak with his lips locked on a three-foot bong.

Depends on the player. Shane Battier? We'd forget before tipoff, and we'd forgive without an apology. Now, if it's one of Human Tattoo Billboards or Lil Wayne Wannabes, we'd demand a Senate investigation and expect David Stern to punish him to the full extent of the law.

Image is everything whether you're black or white.

Read my full column here at

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