The Only TV Ad That Will Save McCain

[Close up of John McCain driving Porsche. Cindy McCain rides in passenger seat.]

JOHN MCCAIN:
What up, America? McCain here. Hey, I know things are bad right now. You've lost your house, maybe your job. It's ugly out there. Well, I know ugly. I divorced ugly. Left ugly high and dry years ago and moved on to blonder pastures. That's the kind of experience this country needs right now. A president who's going to kick this fugly economy to the curb and roll up on a younger, hotter economy--one with a fat inheritance. That's called change, people.

[Motion to Cindy.]

JOHN MCCAIN:
Change you can motherf***ing believe in. I'm John McCain and I approved this message.