Susan Boyle, Gay Marriage, and Not Trusting Your Gut

By now, both the story of Susan Boyle -- the unlikely record-holder for most YouTube views during a single week -- and the moral(s) of that story are well-known to all of us who follow sites such as this one. Her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" on the television show Britain's Got Talent can still knock our socks off (here's the link in case you've missed it), and, yes, we have now been reminded that you can't judge a book by its cover, that even not-so-attractive people over forty may still be wonderful, et cetera.

Trouble is, we always judge a book by its cover. That's what covers are for. As Malcolm Gladwell reminded us all in Blink, and how teams of neurologists and psychologists have shown, we human beings excel at snap judgments, and at decisions so intuitive we don't even know we've made them. This talent has, over the aeons, ensured our survival in a perilous world. If our caveman ancestors had to think about whether that hairy beast over there is friend or foe, they'd get eaten.

So, while the appreciation of the "deeper meaning" of the Susan Boyle phenomenon is certainly laudable, it also flies in the face of how most of us live our lives, moment to moment, day by day. We know, from yet more studies, that attractive people are paid more than ugly ones, that tall men are regarded with more respect than short ones. We chide ourselves on being superficial, but we're superficial all the time, in ways which even ad men have yet to exploit. We're hard-wired to be superficial.

This is not, however, the end of the story -- it's the beginning of it. Because the significance of the Susan Boyle phenomenon is deeper and broader than "don't judge a book by its cover" -- it's don't trust your judgment at all. Or rather, see it for what it is: an impression which is sometimes helpful, sometimes harmful, but nothing more. Just because you feel it in your gut doesn't make it true. It just feels a certain way, and that may mean nothing at all.

Now, this is strange advice -- not to trust your gut -- which flies in the face of everyone from business writers like Jack Welch (Straight from the Gut) to pop songs which urge us to "Listen to Your Heart." But, conveniently, it's also what separates us from animals, and what religion used to call the soul.

The point, you see, is that while all animals have gut reactions, only humans (and perhaps a few others, in more limited ways) are able to reason beyond them. Our guts will always be primitive: lots of men will always want the biggest club to beat their enemies with, and the prettiest woman (or girl) to have sex with. Many women want the biggest man. This is nature.

But it's not the sum total of humanity. We've so drunk the Kool Aid of conservative consumerism that many of us now believe that if you feel it in your gut, it must be true, or valuable, or right. The most deservedly infamous example of this is when George W. Bush looked Russian President Vladimir Putin in the eye and decided he could trust the former KGB chief. The subsequent years saw the re-arming of Russia, and the worst degeneration in U.S.-Russian relations since the Cold War. I have no doubt that Bush was certain of his gut feeling. But as John Kerry told him, you can be certain and be wrong.

Let me also give a personal example. I was raised to believe that being gay was about the worst thing in the world. Before I even knew what a faggot was, I knew I didn't want to be one, because it was what you called kids you wanted to degrade -- "Gay Jay" was the one name that I'd try to beat someone up over. Eventually, I learned what these words meant, and, years later, that they did in fact apply to me.

It has taken years, however, to get over the self-hatred, internalized homophobia, and regret about who I am -- years of love, activism, therapy, and, above all, meeting hundreds of people who have shown the stereotypes I learned as a child to be wrong. Even today, I will occasionally feel a twinge of self-hatred, or regret about who I am. These feelings don't come often, but when they do, I sure feel them in my gut.

But what is this gut, anyway? Does it really exist? Of course not -- it's just a word we use to describe a certain feeling. In my case, self-hatred feels "deep down" not because it's more right, but because it's older. It's just been there longer, that's all. In fact, this whole mythology we have, that some feelings are "deep down" and others are "on the surface," is made up. Some feelings feel deeper, others shallower. But there's no connection between those feelings and reality.

I was raised, after all, in a culture that's not only homophobic but also sexist and racist -- and age-ist and size-ist in ways that inevitably color my first impressions of someone like Susan Boyle. I've learned, however, not to dignify the "gut reactions" of bigotry with any kind of value. This is how moral progress takes place: we learn to stop trusting the gut reactions based on falsehoods we've been taught.

Does my gut-mind continue to judge books by their ethnic and gendered covers? Of course. Do I listen? Hopefully not.

In past decades, our country kept racist laws on the books because that's what traditional values dictated, and that's how we white people felt in our guts. Today, as the title of this piece suggests, I think we're reacting similarly toward same-sex marriage: condemned by some (though not all) traditional values, it strikes many people as wrong, even disgusting, on a gut level. And that is the end of the discussion.

But guts should never be the end of a moral conversation. If Western religion has taught us anything, it is that there is a moral value in transcending our baser instincts -- and that includes the snap judgments all of us make all the time. At first, and maybe for a while, adjustments to our gut reactions may not "feel right." But they are the defining marks of our humanity.

This is what connects a pop-culture moment such as Susan Boyle's "I Dreamed a Dream" with the moral grandeur of Dr. King's "I Have a Dream." We may be hard-wired to judge people in an instant, and to feel those judgments deep down in our guts. But only once we rise above them can we allow such dreams to soar.

Comments

[Samnchgo]

There's a difference between a "gut" response which aided survival and the response to someone who's not "pretty" as being unworthy, untalented, etc. The response which helped us survive is borne in the amygdala. The judgment that, because someone doesn't conform to a society's definition of beauty, is a learned response. If you look at some of the great pop/rock stars, they didn't fit the "pretty" mold. The media and shows like American Idol promote the idea that "talent" has a look. It reminds me of the Brady Bunch episode where Greg is given a recording contract -- not because of talent, but because he "fit the suit." His look made him Johnny Bravo. Not his talent. Unfortunately, the entertainment industry these days is loaded with Johnny Bravos. That's why Susan Boyle's performance is special. She reminds us to look beyond.

As for the point that gay couples don't want their kids to be gay, I don't think that's true. The gay couples I know don't care. What they want is their child to be happy and true to themselves. Not to hide or deny. Parents (straight or gay) don't instill a fear/hatred of homosexuality out of maliciousness. They do so out of ignorance and conditioning. I've found being open, honest and accepting about who I am goes a long way to changing perceptions and misconceptions. This serves me (and the homophobes I encounter) better than anger or bitterness about the homophobia I encountered when I as younger.

[bergerkos]

I'm sure , the right approach is to hate what is wrong, but to love humans in spite of the wrong things they do. Such love finds its expression in our caring for the best interests of others.
Seeing that gay folks have a clear understanding of the "wrongness" of their state, "caring for their best interests" cannot possibly include helping them to indulge in their homosexuality.

But gay marriage involves other questions. Will a gay honestly want his children to be gay?
From what I heard from gay people, the sincere answer will be NO. But specialists come to the conclusion, that among the factors contributing to the formation of a person into a gay, significant role is played by parents, who at some point of time fail to nourish true masculinity or femininity in their child...
So, what's to be done? Fight for the legalization of gay marriage and child adoption? Or should the interests of CHILDREN be considered first of all?...
Yes, sometimes the TRUE love will be to let go of our selfish interests. But such sacrifice will make us happier persons, fill the heart with needed power to do good.
Obviously, happiness is NOT something, which we conquer in our fighting against other people, against the society. It is something obtained from sharing with others of what we have.

[SBrooksB]

Bergerkos, your post is so deluded -- so sound, dead asleep -- that I'm at a loss for words. I hope someone here will have the time and energy to tackle your misguided notions, one ignorant point at a time.

[bergerkos]

Dead asleep? Let's see...
There is a lot of things people believe to be impossible, which I (and many others like me) have proved to be otherwise. Accepting other people's allegations of the impossibility of something is , sure enough, not the best starting point for someone, who WANTS to change, right?

Both straight and gay believe, that it is impossible to live without sex at all. Why? Because they fully concentrate on the strength of their sexual drive and of the feelings sex gives. As they do so, their FEAR of the very idea of being ever deprived of sex grows proportionally... Such people will NEVER even allow the very thought of life without sex! But can I take their opinion seriously? Tell me, please.

I have started living on the Bible principles 12 years ago, because I found them to be TRUE. But such life implies, among other things, abstaining from sex out of marriage! I'm NOT married and don't want to marry, so I haven't had sex for 10 years now, but had a quite active sexual life before that. And I am still alive and still happy now, after 10 years without sex, you won't believe! What do you know about this?

But go ahead, please, correct my "ignorant points", one at a time.

[obtusegoose]

First of all, I don't think there is any "wrongness" in my sexuality. Homosexuality occurs in nature all the time. Do a Google search and you'll find hundreds of articles about it. Based on your comments, you're the last person I would want to "care for my best interest". I'm guessing your "care" would involve "praying the gay away" or staying "in the closet" and being celibate. Thanks for your concern, but I think I'll take a pass. I also find it offensive that you use the term "indulge" when describing homosexuality. As if accepting who you are is somehow being indulgent.

You're under the assumption that a gay couple with children will never be interacting with adults of the opposite sex. That's highly unlikely. You're also implying that straight couples are inherently better than gay couples. There is no guarantee that a child raised by a mom and dad will turn out better. I was raised by an emotionally distant father and an unstable mother. I would gladly have traded them in for a "loving" lesbian or gay couple. But you're given the cards you're dealt with aren't you? I was dealt the "homosexual" card. I've accepted that. I'm just thankful I wasn't dealt the "brainwashed by the church and the bible" card. I like thinking for myself, and not letting a group of people (or a book) tell me who the evil people are that are "indulging" in sinful behavior.

[bergerkos]

Dear obtusegoose, I'm sorry. I can see now how "indulgence" sounds offensive and I didn't mean to offend anyone.

And NO, I don't believe in the "staying in a closet and being celibate" kind of "solution".

But one more thing I don't believe is -- the gay to be "creatures from other planet", some enigmatic type of human being, created contrary to all known principles and laws, mysterious and inexplicable phenomenon, something that "can not be, and yet it is here". Instead, I believe gays to be the same human beings as myself.

As such, we are all subjects to the processes of formation; gay or straights -- this is what we have been FORMED into.
This is it. The forming factors (if known) can be changed or manipulated; the formation process can be directed otherwise -- and this is practical experience of many people, who could make it, believe it or not. The formation of the human personality only stops with death; and we are still living.

[rayy]

Your delusion that being gay is "wrong" was brought on by the brainwashing of a homophobic society. Therefore, we will not hold it against you. But you are wrong.

[bergerkos]

Thank you for understanding. This was just my misreading of some material, as I now recall.

And I also want to add to what I wrote above, that i DON'T MEAN, that every gay MUST change into straight. We all have this freedom of choice, which I respect above all. What I meant to say was, that the change IS possible for those who want it. That's all.

[SILVANUS]

"Drunk with the Kool Aid of conservative consumerism"

You're wonderful. That is on the money.

[Steve Blake]

"We're hard-wired to be superficial"
You are not a neurologist, are you?

[Jay Michaelson - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for the comments. One response to StevenKeirstead's point: I don't think the "gut" is separable from history and social norms. We think it is - and the New Testament says it is - but it isn't. For example, Hume, the philosopher par excellence of moral intuition, defended slavery. To his "gut"/intuition, it made sense. To ours, it does not - and I assume that for all of us, its wrong-ness is felt right in the gut. Thus, moral intuition gets its content from societal values.

So, I agree 100% that homophobia, sexism, racism, etc., are learned values, although as I contend in the piece, the way in which those values play into decisionmaking may not be. So what's needed is kind of a two-pronged approach. First, change the values; teach anti-racism etc. in schools, etc. Second, while we wait the generation or two for that change to really take effect, we should secondguess our gut reactions to ethical questions.

[glen78]

I don't think the case of Susan Boyle is going to last very long and then we will dump her and look for the next fad in line. This guy makes the case in satire.

http://jefftompkins.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-susan-boyle-means-to-world.html

[StevenLeong]

Anyone who uses their "heart", could not deny others born differently from themselves the same rights they hold, especially when it is about making others happy, giving rather than taking.

God put all God's rules into man's "hearts" in the last covenant. So many choose to use their mind, and egos to judge others rather than their hearts! Having two people in love, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, commit to each other, and share the same benefits and rights as others who get married has gotta be good and right...from the heart!

Steven Leong
Hawaii

[dm10003]

let us please stop saying "thinking form the heart" as different from "thinking from the mind". charlie rose did it last month and i had to replace my tv.

[bergerkos]

I'm sorry, but did you think carefully about it? Think again, please.

As you put it in your post, someone can rightfully murder sombody, if his HEART fully and strongly approves of such action, and his mind, in full harmony with his heart, presents "good" reasonings why this should be done, if he is spiritually and emotionally commited to such action! (there are a lot of people, who are thus ready to kill "the black", "the gay", "the muslim" etc. etc.).

You have actually touched into the very heart of the problem; you can see the consequences of your line of reasoning. Do you still like it?
As you see, there is more to it, than some "gay" or "straight" people want to see.

[StevenKeirstead]

I'm not sure the negative impression many people have can be entirely attributed to gut impressions. There is an awful lot of homophobia that is learned behavior. People don't spontaneously speak anti-gay slurs, they hear them from their peers or parents and adopt them in emulation of their role models. Religious dogma also comes into play. That's not to say some people are not feeling instinctive intolerance, I'm sure some are, and there is an interplay between what they think (rationally or irrationally) and what they feel in their amygdala and emotional centers. Disgust can reinforce dogma. Then there are the people who cannot handle their own same sex attractions, they disgust themselves, and take it out on external targets, the people who they know or suspect are gay.

And nice job Susan Boyle. I hope you go on to even greater things.

[rcdcr]

Personally, what I find 'disgusting,' while we're on the subject of 'disgusting' is how a Heterosexual can give birth to a baby. Raise that baby. And when that baby turns out to be Gay or Lesbian, they abuse, mistreat, dehumanize, degrade, and use violence of unspeakable magnitude against their own Gay & Lesbian children. If they don't perpertrate said acts against their OWN Gay & Lesbain children, they certainly turn them out into a world that does. And NONE of them are doing a THING to stop it or change it. You want to talk DISGUST?
I
Normally, I'd advise you to ask Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, 11 years old, about what the Heterosexual puts a Gay youth through on a daily basis. But you can't ask him. Becasue he is dead. The boy killed himself after repeated anti-gay bullying and teasing by fellow classmates with accusations of being "gay". You want to talk DISGUST?

And what will Heterosexuals do about this.

NOTHING.

So, Jay Michaelson, I say to you that Gays & Lesbians have ZERO reason for the self-hate that is taught to us by our own families and indeed the outsdie world. We must RESIST that on ALL fronts.

It seems clear to ME who needs to feel DISGUSTED with themselves. And they are the very Heterosexuals who created US.

Disgusting, indeed!!!

[JohnBisceglia]

Wow - HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.

We need to mention Carl's suicide in every breath. Eleven years old. MY GOD - 11 years old, but he found killing himself with an electrical cord LESS SCARY than going to a school where HATE SPEECH went unchecked.

If he were Jon Benet, the HET MEN that rule the media would be all over themselves.

But no, he was just another (possibly) gay, black child. Disposable in the Media's eyes.

THAT IS DISGUSTING!

[PhilipB]

Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover...
Here is a example why Gays and Lesbians need marriage equality. When gays and lesbians are no longer second class citizens in the eyes of the state, then the respect and dignity for all people is possible, for both gays and straights.
Schools need to speak out against bullying of all types, and homophobia is schools is a part of that.

[BarryS]

Exactly what is "disgusting" about Gay people. Straights do it all the time. It's just like tea-bagging. The only [prior] mention of it on TV was amongst the ladies on Sex in the City, pertaining to straights.

Word of God? well the governor of NV and Newt and Elliot, and others committed adultery! One of the few deeds forbidden directly by God in the Bible in the ten commandments and elsewhere. Two of these have made themselves public morality teachers recently. What are they teaching? that adultery is good, healthy and pro-God?

I find the ick factor of these adultorers higher than anything alluded to in this article. Given the huge majority of straights, it is highly likely that everything that is alluded to but never mentioned, is more often done by straights anyway. Maybe we should take marital rights away from all of these people.

[SouthJerseySteve]

Agreed! Why are the loudest voices against same-sex marriages those who are divorced at least once -- Newt G -- and sometimes thrice, Mr. Giuliani!