The Gay Generation Gap: Reflections on the National Equality March

Marching today in Washington with tens of thousands of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) people, and tens of thousands more straight allies, it was easy to see reflected on a large scale what I've known on a smaller scale for years: the gay generation gap is widening.

In my work as a GLBT religious activist, I've seen this quite clearly. Gay people over 40 or so, particularly men, tend as a group to be deeply wounded by decades of homophobia, AIDS, and repression. This is, of course, understandable. My elders have endured rejection, abuse, scorn, decades of lying and shame, a hideous epidemic that brutally killed their lovers and friends, and criminal indifference to that epidemic on the part of our leaders.

Gays under 40 or so -- and at 38, I see myself as somewhere between these two groups -- tend not to have this baggage. As a group, they tend to have suffered less, and come out earlier. And we have little if any firsthand experience with AIDS killing our peers and being stigmatized by our government. Gays under 40, and even more so those under 30 or under 20, do not see their sexual orientation as something that needs defense or explanation.

This was in abundant evidence today in Washington. David Mixner, the 63-year-old political insider who helped organize the march, began and ended his speech with "I am a gay man, and I am proud." The statement was moving, but also jarring. None of the younger speakers felt the need to "come out" in this way, perhaps because doing so held no power for them. What for Mixner was an act of courage and defiance is, for younger GLBT people, taken for granted.

This sharp difference in self-regard leads to a sharp difference in how GLBT rights are perceived -- the personal (even the spiritual) is political. And in my view, the kids have the better argument.

On the one hand, there is the patient incrementalism of the so-called "gay establishment," which seeks to enact legislation and effect social change patiently, pragmatically, and in a politically careful way. This older generation of activists are the giants whose shoulders we stand upon -- and as a younger activist, I hope never to forget that they had to walk through mud and blood and the spit of those who hated them.

But they bear the wounds of that journey, and now the younger generation is impatient. Part of this, of course, is that young people are impatient -- in some ways, younger gays are not unlike Yippies who hated liberals, or Black Militants who scorned accommodationists. But not in all ways. In this case, I think there's a meaningful substantive difference between old gays and new, one which reflects their differences in self-perception and differences in history.

Younger gays are not arguing that it's okay to be gay. More confident in who they are and in the rightness of their modes of loving, they begin from that premise and ask why they should not be treated equally under the law. What is in question is not their deviance from the majority, but the majority's deviance from its own principles of liberty and equality.

Which is the better argument? Of course, social change movements always need both strong voices of moral certitude, and roll-up-the-sleeves pragmatists who get the work done -- every MLK needs an LBJ. But so far, as has been well observed, the gay rights movement has lacked its MLK entirely. We do have our Bill Cosbys -- celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres who allow the majority to feel comfortable around the minority -- and that's important. But where are the GLBT prophets who call us all to account? If it is true that denying marriage to gays is a moral deficiency, why haven't gay leaders framed it that way?

And why the timidity, and the embrace of ridiculous claims about President Obama "having a lot on his desk" or "wanting to focus all his political energy on health care"? What nonsense! It's not as if the president can't find the time to squeeze this item onto his to-do list; he's choosing not to. Nor is the white/right rage-ocracy going easy on him anyway. Are we supposed to believe they will be somehow more enraged or more apoplectic if Don't Ask/Don't Tell is repealed? They are already enraged and apoplectic. If anything, this issue might give them something to yell about other than death panels and socialism. These excuses are BS.

The over-pragmatism, incrementalism, and timidity are all of a piece with the elder generation's trauma, uncertainty, and pain. And while I honor my elders for living through decades of repression and the AIDS catastrophe, their wounds are now getting in the way of progress. The civil rights movement did not move forward because Dr. King worked within the realities of prejudice, or the parameters of reasonable compromise. It worked because he challenged them.

Particularly given where public opinion regarding same-sex marriage is today, gay rights must be framed as an ethical, moral issue if it is to succeed politically. And that means the persuasion required is not that of beltway wheeling and dealing, but of the hearts and minds on Main Street. Gay rights advocates can ill afford to cede the "values" ground to our opponents, for it is we who stand for American values of liberty, equality, and fairness.

In Washington today, young gays and straights, confident in who they are, demanded that our nation live up to these ideals. They did not engage with the far right's claims that homosexuality does not exist, or is some kind of lifestyle choice. They did not state their pride in who they are, because they did not feel they needed to. And they spoke in moral terms, not political ones. And while GLBT people still need the beltway insiders to do the hard work of policy -- and more power to them! -- we need these new voices of moral clarity even more.

 

 

Follow Jay Michaelson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jaymichaelson

Comments

[David Speakman]

"Over 40?"

I think you mean Baby Boomers.

Gen Xers (you and me - i'm 41) are in the middle between the 20-somethings who came out in middle school and the Boomers - who came out (largely) in their late 20s, 30s and 40s.

Xers as a whole have lived under the shadow of Boomers -- no diffrence in the LGBT communtity, except the AIDS pandemic wiped out a large portion of the vocal gay male Boomer population in the 1980s and 1990s.

I think that's why those of us gay men born after 1964 are being heard more among our LGBT community and other groups, where the Boomers still dominate policy.. I think this also is what has Obama's people dumbfounded. We are not behaving correctly.

His typical "play to the Boomer" mentality id falling on deaf ears with us. Many of our Boomer bretheren who may have been moved by that generational appeal are dead due to past White House inaction.

Those of us who are left are less patient than they want us to be. Tough.

[normathumb]

I think the notions of 'liberty, equality and fairness" were window dressing to get common folks to sign on to the revolution. I think our highly over rated founding fathers would be horrified at the lengths these notions have been taken in our modern life. Their idea for the republic was white male property owners would control all of society. Some circles debated whether Catholics or Jews should be 'granted' full citizenship. Blacks treated as human and allowed, along with women, to vote was not part of their original intent. This isn't ancient history regardless of youthful ignorence. Blacks didn't get the vote till the 1960's in much of America. Blacks and women were barred from many professions and full participation in our economic life. There are powerful forces working to return to those social mores. Some of our early presidents would be surprised, and not pleasantly so, to find indigenous peoples still among us. Within my life, blacks and gays could be killed with little or no consequence for the perpetrators. It would be a terrible mistake to take these advances for granted. There are, obviously, many doors still closed to gays in America and many are not going to politely allow those barriers to fall. It is profoundly naive to think you can simply assert and assume your rights. You may feel safe in some neighborhoods in some urban areas, but in other neighborhoods in every city and most of rural America, gays are openly hated and despised.

[YoniBeever]

You said it: White, male , property owners.

That's what made America conquer the wilderness, create the novel entity, "the self-made man", and seized the day in our westward thrust to greatness and nationhood!
If you own a piece of property, can legally carve your name on a tree on your acreage, can shoot game and put it on the table for you family's health and welfare, then, by God, you have at least a glimpse of what being an American means!

[normathumb]

You make the enslavement of one race and extermination of another sound like a minor incidental detail. The "wilderness" was inhabited by people who had to be removed. That was the conquering part of conquering the wilderness. To be sure, that is exactly how the nazi's would tell the story of the Jews were they around to write the history books today. There is a lot to be said of our "thrust to greatness and nationhood" and some of it is quite tragic.

[LintLass]

I don't think it pays at all to be so cynical about the high-minded aspects of our revolution and the Founders. The idealism and the thought that went into it was real. As real as the messy practicalities, self-interests, and biases of the time. It's all pretty well-documented in their own words. Living up to these ideals, particularly in the face of bigotry and injustices and economics... that's been a constant battle, one that was scuffled over even as our government was designed.

[LintLass]

I think the flag's a rainbow for a reason. :)

[omenapt]

i probably wouldnt have "come out " in the traditional sense as was customary "back in the day",if i was 30-something today. Today's internet has opened up a completely new avenue for meeting partners, hookups, friends, interest groups, etc.! No fuss, no muss.

You used to have to wait up till god-awful hours of the nite just to "get out to the bars" in hopes of meeting someone of like mindedness (never did.!!.met current partner of 10years thru the internet)..Mostly my younger years, partly pre -AIDS, was spent frustratingly drunk and hungover in search of someone/something.
Maybe in SF or NYC there were options , but not in KC in that era!

[etiennemacchias]

I understand your good intentions, but I think your observation is, albeit keen, skewed and dualistic. Especially, considering the stigma of the "older gays" that already exists in our community, such claim is not only unnecessary, but also dangerous.

My view of the March was somewhat contradicting from that of yours. I agree that the older generations are more politically driven whereas the younger ones are more morally driven; however, I failed to see this "over-pragmatism, incrementalism, and timidity" approach from the "gays over 40." Considering how little of a voice and rights the gays had, this idea may have been historically true; however, I do not believe that is how it is these days. In fact, the inverse is probably more fitting and true.

At the March, I saw that the older GLBT members were the ones with greater passion and urgency for equal rights. Frankly, I was disheartened by the rate of dissipation of the young gays at the March, and by the end, there were merely a few hundreds residual protesters who were mostly these older gays that you spoke of.

Again, I see the good intentions that derived from your keen discernment; but I fear that after our rights have been granted, a categorization like this will eventually tear us apart and diminish our sense of community. So instead, let's focus on the idea of togetherness and seek ways to congregate people to fight for common goals and love for common ideas.

[joemondo]

I don't see the generation gap you describe, and I don't think older GLBT people are more willing to wait. Frankly, the older generation has less time to wait.

What I think you are seeing is not greater patience, but a greater understanding that demanding does not = getting.

[johnfoirdfw]

Couldn't agree with you more. However, the oldsters might teach us patience along with displaying wisdom.

[Jay Michaelson - Huffpost Blogger]

To all who commented - Thanks for your feedback and discussion on this issue.

The original post does go out of its way to say things like "tend as a group." Obviously, one cannot make sweeping generalizations about millions of people. My experience over the last ten years of working as a queer activist is that woundedness plays a much larger role among older GLBT people than younger, and that that colors how we view this particular struggle -- for example, as being about acceptance or about justice.

The wound is both empowering/motivating -- and also perhaps limiting, or at least, something which is less resonant with younger people's experiences.

Of course, there are many who do not fit these categories (if queers fit categories, we wouldn't be queer!) but I think more who do. And of course, the generational differences among straights (allies and otherwise) on gay issues are quite pronounced. These are generalities, but then, so is everything we say.

Thanks again for thoughtful and ultimately supportive comments. Even if we disagree on the means, we agree on (many of) the ends, and on the values which underlie them.

[LintLass]

(Musing) You know, I think people born between when Stonewall was fought and Harvey Milk may just _be_ the generation gap. :)

[reedmaker]

Jack Fertig and Lady Fractal, thank you for your words. I agree with what you say.

I especially agree with Lady Fractal's point about taking the words of the founders and using them to advance our equality as was done in the Civil Rights Movement. I also agree that we, as a movement, allow cultural and moral relativism to work against us. Cultural and moral relativism slow the pace of positive change not only for gays but for women and minorities all over the world.

And yes, Jack, there was once a more radical radicalism that rejected the idea of conventional marriage all together. I miss those days! I want equality, but I hope the leader who does eventually rise up in our movement has a very broad vision and does not want to us just and only exactly what heterosexuals have.

[JackFertig]

3/3
We Stonewallers were certainly not incrementalists, and perhaps those of us who survive are quiet because after 30 years of Reaganite reaction we are so radical that there is nobody to hear us. We came out not just for queer equality and certainly not for "marriage equality" or access to the military. We were part of a broader movement, with the Black Panthers and Yuppies you mention, and anti-war activists, and radical feminists. We were there! We wanted to detonate the nuclear family, not to re-create it. We wanted to explore new ways of loving and living that didn't ape heterosexual, monogamous pair-bonding. We did not seek to join the imperialist military, but to disband it. Some of us are part of YOUR more incremental movement to integrate, because, yes it has an aspect of necessity and justice (as long as you don't look too closely at the larger economic and social issues) and it is the only game left in town. Many of us aren't concerned about "DADT" because we never asked and never told. We shouted and demanded! We wanted to turn soldiers into lovers, not the other way around! There are indeed some wonderful young voices from your generation refreshing the radical spirit of queer liberation, but especially as the movement has moved more into the mainstream, it can thus be more easily co-opted -- once again, but this time by members of your own generation.

[LintLass]

Who says anyone's 'aping?' This argument was used by some to claim we didn't *need* social equality, (More often by people who wanted the younger folks to, err, party than by anyone seriously interested in new models of family) and by homophobes, to claim that LBGT people were inherently some kind of promiscuous subspecies.... particularly because *only* the ghetto was seen.

While people of my generation (Who came of *age* during the early AIDS crisis, and for whom there never *was* a free-love scene...) have a lot of respect for those who came before, and darn well understand that maybe we were somewhat more on our own than we could be because people were dealing with AIDS... activists in the colleges about it ourselves, in fact. I think for many, a lot of that party atmosphere can seem to have an element of sour grapes about it: if you can't have partnered life, why try. I connect a lack of such hopes among many of the younger gay male kids with just that kind of giving up... the meth problems and unsafe sex that we'd hear a fair bit about a few years ago.

Gen X started out with an idea we were going to be the next Sixties generation: It didn't happen because the MSM was already bought and 'The Man' was practiced.

So, many just went off to go *do* things., in fact going right ahead and developing some new models for living.

[JackFertig]

2/3
A large part of the Gay generation gap is that when we should have, and would have been mentoring the youngsters coming of age in the 1980's and 1990's we were overwhelmed with the AIDS crisis, at hospitals, hospices, and funerals desperately caring for our contemporaries and fighting for our lives. This was necessary, but it forced us to neglect the young, and our best people, our truest leaders were killed by the disease or vastly traumatized in the wake of it. While we were on those front lines the "incrementalists" -- political operatives taking advantage of the safety we'd created, commercial exploiters turning our communities into "markets," and "moderates" who, unlike the Stonewall generation, failed to connect homophobia with racism and imperialism, who had no commanding, overarching philosophy of egalitarianism, human rights, or social justice, but only wanted "equality" for themselves. Nor is this unprecedented. In 1950 Harry Hay and other friends and members of the Communist Party started the Mattachine Society with a radical vision of liberating the energy and potential of queer folk based on Hay's research and exposure to sex-variant shamans in native American cultures. The radical faeries are very much a part of Hay's legacy, in some ways more than the quiet assimilationist Mattachine Society that developed when its membership grew from its radical roots to include more cautious, conservative souls.

[JackFertig]

1/3

Brava Lady Fractal!

Jay -- you make some good points but miss a bigger picture. I'm part of the Stonewall Generation that built radical gay liberation in the early 70's, and as we made it safer for people to come out: the incrementalists, moderates, "Log Cabin Republicans" and johnny-come-out-latelies like David Mixner and Barney Frank did so. (Actually Barney was forced out of the closet!) These high powered, well-connected, well-funded functionaries have done great things because they were not on the front lines, but had resources that radicals and the true vanguard rarely have access to. Their work has been invaluable, but to call people like Frank and Mixner "leaders" is laughable. They paved roads on the trails we blazed. Both are important, but know what is what!

[reedmaker]

Hi Jay,

Thanks for your post. I 100% agree with your feeling of impatience--not wanting to wait for equality or to settle for words over deeds.

However, I don't really agree with the generational difference you posit. As a 40-year-old, I guess I sit in the middle like you, but I have many many younger friends in their 20s and 30s who consider themselves the "Obama generation" and are strong defenders of everything he is doing--including his reluctance when it comes to action on gay issues. On the flip side, I know of and personally know many older GLBT folks who are so so tired of hearing "things will change" and are really the ones pushing for action NOW.

Also, the idea that it is easy for LGBT youth to come out now is not what I am observing. I work for a youth development program in New York City. We work with a great diversity of young people and their families, including many who are immigrants or first generation Americans, and the coming out process is still a difficult one for them. They still face painful rejection or lack of understanding, especially from parents and other older family members. The act of saying "I am gay and proud" is deeply meaningful and empowering to them.

I think it's good to talk about these things, and I'm sure you are presenting your own keen observations--I am just adding my own to the mix.

[givepeace05401]

To: ladyfractal

Your reply to thebigbike brought a tear to my eyes and a tugged at my heart. I too am very grateful to the "older" gays of my youth who welcomed me into the community and showed me that you can be gay, proud and happy in life.

I grew up in an era where we didn't call people "old trolls", we wanted to fight along side those brave people who took up the cause and helped reshape our nation. As a gay American of color, I am witnessing generational divides/changes from many directions. After reading your comment I am reasured that change can and will be a good thing, thanks in large part to people with big hearts.

To the older gays of my youth, if I didn't say it then, allow me to say it now thank you.