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J.D. Roth

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Ask the Readers: Why Don't People Talk About Money?

Posted: 06/06/2012 10:20 am

On Wednesday, I visited a fifth-grade class in McMinnville, Oregon to talk with the kids about money. I had a great time, and I'll share more about the experience on Monday. Today, though, I want to start by sharing a question I received from one of the students.

"How much money do you have?" Hannah asked when I called on her.

"I'm not going to answer that," I said.

"Nobody answers that," said a boy named Max.

"Why do you think that is?" I asked.

I was curious about the fifth-grade perspective on this subject, so we talked about it for a little while. Some of the kids thought adults just don't like to share things about themselves. Others said that if you talked about how much money you had, then other people would be more likely to steal it. I offered my own thoughts.

"I think people don't talk about how much money they have because nobody wants to feel bad," I said. "For example, if I have a lot of money and you don't, then talking about money might make you feel bad. Or if you have a lot of money and I'm poor, then talking about money would probably make me feel bad."

I believe that, ultimately, people don't talk about money with strangers out of fear of being judged.

I explained that most people do talk about money, but only with people they know well, such as family and friends. (Not everyone talks about money, I know, but I believe most people are willing to share with those they're close to.)

The kids didn't seem to find my argument terribly convincing. In fact, after school was over, Hannah came up pose the same question again. "How much money do you have really?" she asked.

"I'm not going to answer that," I said.

"Are you a millionaire?" she asked.

"I'm not going to answer that either," I said.

She gave an exasperated sigh and left to catch the bus.

Yesterday, I told this story to my Spanish teacher, who is from Peru. She and I have discussed cultural attitudes toward money before. She thinks Americans talk about finances far too freely. And apparently she's not the only one. In one of my favorite Spanish-language podcasts, the hosts have talked about the notion of social class in Spain. Apparently, folks there even avoid talking about what they do for work because that has the potential to make others feel uncomfortable.

On the long drive home from McMinnville, I spent a lot of time thinking about Hannah's question. Is discomfort the actual reason we don't talk about money in our society? Do we keep these facts private out of fear of judgment? I'm not sure. I don't have any hard facts to back up my beliefs. Maybe there are other reasons.

What do you think? Why don't people talk about money? Is it just to avoid discomfort? Or are there more practical reasons to avoid these sorts of discussions? And, more to the point, in your own life, with whom do you have money discussions? What sorts of things do you talk about? What sorts of implicit (or explicit) boundaries do you set?

"The original article can be found at GetRichSlowly.org:
Ask the Readers: Why Don't People Talk About Money?"

 
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02:26 PM on 08/02/2012
In Greece, Spain, Portugal or any country in the world, this is a great question
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11:47 PM on 07/25/2012
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05:47 PM on 07/19/2012
In Norte America most workers have a Defined Contribution Plan (DC Plan) such as 401(k) in USA, and RRSP in Canada. This pension plan system is very similar in other countries in the world. This DC Plan means that your retirement income depends on how much you have contributed to the pension plan. Also, these Pension Plans are managed by a third party, let’s say for example the “Canada Pension Plan Trust”, which “invest in Stocks Markets in most of 90% - 95%”, so if the stock markets goes down, all your contributions will be wiped out and you will receive nothing and you can be in a big trouble. Is that what you want? For more information, visit my website at http://theelevationgroupreviews.blogspot.com
12:56 PM on 07/05/2012
During our early childhood we learn to speak a "language about the money," therefore "We create a relationship and thoughts about money."

The most frequent:
a) Money is not everything
b) Money cannot buy happiness
c) If you have a lot of money, you will not be happy
d) It is NOT good to have a lot of money
e) Rich people are very insensitive
f) Money is the root of the evil
g) If you have a lot of money, your life can be miserable
h) If you have a lot of money, you will lose your best friends.
i) Money does not grow on trees
j) It is better be poor and happy ... What!
k) Money corrupts people

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12:35 PM on 06/29/2012
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10:20 AM on 06/15/2012
At early childhood, we learn to talk a "language about money"; therefore, we "create thoughts and a relationship about money". If Parents are employees or self-employed (80% to 95% of population) they have similar values and beliefs about money; such as "get good grades at school, good to college/university, get a god job, work hard, save money, no debt and investment is risky; on the other side if Parents are business owners and investors (1% - 5% of population) they have very different values, such as, "Read books from successful people", "Do not work for money, work smart and nor hard, learn from successful people and investors, surround yourself with rich and successful people, learn to manage a lot of debt, leverage everything you can; work for assets and not for income, invest for good ROI, and donate money. It does not matter if you are broke, or you are unemployed, or you have no money at all; because "Money is a RESULT" and it comes from whatever THOUGHTS we have about money; we can keep old thoughts or create new ones and that it is our responsibility. Challenge yourself to Improve your level of self-esteem and become more confident by learning more about financial education. The big message of my comment is "Become a student of Financial Education for life, Work for ASSETS not for income, and do whatever you must do to achieve your FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE". http://theelevationgroupreviews.blogspot.com/
01:36 PM on 06/06/2012
It is judgment. But there are bigger questions. Why does our media portray low income earners as less worthy human beings than high income earners? Madison Avenue knows all our urges and plays on them like fiddles. Why are there two kinds of food, organic and non-organic? Good fitting expensive clothing and WalMart? There is division not only by income but also by gender, age, race, and religion. Who is feeding us this drivel? Who invented these divisions and who is perpetuating it? Who benefits by keeping us insecure, wanting for more, working ourselves silly in order to not be judged? Who profits? Why do we fall for it? What is presented to us by many forms of media is shaping our lives and decisions. This is not taught in school. We, as one unit, one category - human beings - are being used and abused, held down, and manipulated. The irony is that wealth and prosperity are held up as the goal in life and then every barrier possible is put up in order for us not to achieve it!! Hopefully people will start seeing through it and demand change, answers, and hold love and acceptance higher than man created separateness and division. There is abundance for all on this planet.
10:58 AM on 06/06/2012
People are very free talking about how much money OTHER people have!