New Year's Letter from God

Dear Creation,

With a New Year just around the corner, I want to clear up some things that have been troubling Me. There is a wicked and blasphemous rumor floating around the Universe that I Am a card-carrying Republican. Finally, I want to settle the question: Who are You?

I Am a Liberal. I forgot to include it in the Ten Commandments, but I want you to be liberal, too. Liberal with your love . . . liberal with your forgiveness . . . liberal with your tolerance . . . and liberal with your compassion.

But, I Am also a Conservative. I want you to conserve My Earth -- its water, air, and soil. And while you're at it, I want you to conserve the ancient ideals: mercy, justice, and truth.

Don't forget to conserve freedom. It was such a great ideas that I implanted it in the heart of anyone who would listen to Me. Just remember, I didn't grant you freewill to give away to some cockamamie preacher or politician. Treasure it as the great gift I intended it to be.

If you're not too confused by now, let me add that I Am a Centrist, too. My greatest desire is to be in the center of your life and thoughts. Trust Me on this one.

Many of you continue to bug Me with the age-old question of mankind: "Why am I here on earth?" It's to make Me look good. That's it! The theologian guys say it's "to glorify God and to enjoy him forever." Same thing.

Do you know who really makes Me look good? Children and puppies. It's their traits of sincerity, simplicity, trust, and joy that please Me most of all.

On the other hand, hypocrites make Me look bad . . . and feel bad. So it saddens Me that some of you have taken My name, but not My ways. Those self-serving schmucks that you see quoting Me on television or from their pulpits, or during a press conference should be sued for plagiarism and slander. (When I can find a lawyer around this place, I intend to press charges.)

Just kidding, with the old joke. I really love lawyers. Moses was a lawyer. He was also a great "chiseler." How do you think the two of us got My words carved into those stone tablets?

I'm sorry I didn't spell out My commandments more clearly on the tablets, but I ran out of space and Moses was getting tired. So permit Me to update Myself. I will refrain from writing in Hebrew, so you have no excuse for misinterpreting My intent.

Here are a few additional Commandments:

Eleventh: Power is not a permission slip for lying, prying, outing, smearing, hurting, cheating, or abusing -- no exceptions.

Twelfth: Torture is an abomination -- what in Heaven's Name ever made you think otherwise!!

Thirteenth: Forget the poor, the hurting, and the helpless and when you die, the man in the red suit that greets you will not be Santa Claus.

Got it?

Despite the mess you have made of My Earth, I have renewed your contract for another year. Frankly, I did it because I need your help to fix the planet. I know that sounds strange coming from the Creator, the Almighty, the Eternal One, but that's the way the Divine Plan is set up.

So, for God's sake, please help me here, folks. Working together we can make a difference . . . we always have.

Tell everybody I love them. I'm still around 24/7. So, stay in touch.

G .

(Halo tip to George Burns)

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Comments

[peonyharp]

"Liberal with your love . . . liberal with your forgiveness . . . liberal with your tolerance . . . and liberal with your compassion."

This is a definition of "liberal" that everyone can embrace.

Thank you, Jean, for a gem of a piece.
~Kristine

[Pagon]

God is not the problem.

Religion is the problem.

[research]

I don't know if "god" is a liberal, but Jesus sure is.

True Christians are liberals.

[glesslib]

Thank you, Jean. Voted for you and your husband and your daughter. You have a good family,a family that gives/gave selflessly to public life. I am sure God feels that you have done a good job here.

I keep wondering, though, if God has been so annoyed with us for the past few years that he/she is spending valuable time elsewhere on people who deserve the attention more.

[onepartysystem]

Well, if god is in control of the universe and let this awful mess happen to the United States...I guess instead of having all of us crucified she just sent George W. Bush instead.

[Rocku]

If there is a guy named God, who is for some insane reason intimately involved in the machanizations of everyone's everyday life, I would hope he/she would get a smile from an article like this. After all, if we are made in his image and likeness, as the religions say, then God is a hard drinking (I mean... Jesus could have turned that water into Pepsi, but noooo, but I guess he could be a stoner too!) womanizing, care free son of a gun with a sense of humor to boot! A hippie really. Actually, as I think about it, I guess I object to most religions and their followers because they have no sense of humor.

On the other hand maybe this God guy is everywhere all the time because "He" is the sum total of all conciousness locked up in everything that is, including us, so we are supposed to be sort of self regulating... thus the "free will" and "conscience" thing, and the only real rule is that you gotta do what you think is right at the time given the information you have, and no exceptions, or you wind up with a world that is brutish with people willing to take advantage of one another and destroy the place they live for a buck! We need preachers about as much as we need kings. After all, the natural consequence of lying is being unable to see the truth, and of brutality is a constant state of fear, and so on through the whole gamut of human error.

[Mack20]

Be careful about mentioning God and religion here at the HP. The anti-religious zealots will come pouring out of the walls like the Orcs in "Lord of the Rings".

[SanGuevara]

best holiday post I've read yet - thanks, Jean

[NewRiver]

Somehow I don't think God would use the terms liberal and conservative. However, it is a nice way to pander to one side of the aisle, so while short-term congratulations I'm sure are in order, I'm not sure long-term I'd want to be answering to God about your interpretation.

[gemstone1000]

Amen! Good to hear from you, Jean.

[ErnestineBass]

Thank you, Jean, for a wonderful piece. Ending this wretched year on a note of laughter was just the right medicine!

You make me proud to be a "Show Me State" gal!

EB

[darker]

Best doG-gone gaaaawd message in years.
Now, pay attention while you read it again!

[hyjanks]

But the Christian god IS a Republican. Check out Leviticus, Matthew and parts of Deuteronomy if you will. Care to join me along with other Christians as we stone to death adulterers on the steps of their father's house? Maybe we can even stop by a gay bar on the way to, you know, do some gay bashing.

[sws3030]

My grandmother was the most faithful and spiritual person I have ever known.(Notice the word religious is missing there)

She would have read this post, smiled, and shaken her head in approval.

Happy New Year!

[nellie]

"Do you know who really makes Me look good? Children and puppies."

Love it.